Its been a while...
I wanted to document this trip on livejournal, but I have been doing a terrible job of writing. There is always so much going on that I forget.
Time here is slipping past me so fast. One the one hand I'm going to be glad to be back with the people that I love, but on the other hand I feel so at home here. 4 months seems insufficient to fully expereince this place. There are so many opportunities here that I wouldn't have in the US. My Thai Literature teacher is introducing me to a Thai author and I am going to help him translate a few poems and short stories. I would never be able to do that at home.
I also have so much time to think here. I can take my time with information processing. Almost everyday at around sunset I sit in the hammock, listen to music and think. I think about my relationships back home, my relationships here. About how in both places I now have people that are important to me, people that teach me so much about life and myself.
It seems that I am developing rapidly into the person that I want to be. I know that's not Thailand. It might be the freedom here that enables me to feel a certian way, but I have to realize that I can generate that freedom at home or where ever I am. I have just been realizing that I am almost twent-three years old and I haven't done a lot of the things that I want to do. I don't even know exactly what I want to do, but being here has opened my eyes to so many possibilities. I know I still young and have plenty of time, but now I feel this urgency to experience life, to become more.
Part of me is scared to come home. I don't have the foresight right now to see how much, if at all, I have changed. But I have a growing suspicion that I have. I can feel it at the bottom of my stomach and it makes me nervous. I guess all I can hope for is that the person I am becoming is congruent to the way I live my life back home.
Time here is slipping past me so fast. One the one hand I'm going to be glad to be back with the people that I love, but on the other hand I feel so at home here. 4 months seems insufficient to fully expereince this place. There are so many opportunities here that I wouldn't have in the US. My Thai Literature teacher is introducing me to a Thai author and I am going to help him translate a few poems and short stories. I would never be able to do that at home.
I also have so much time to think here. I can take my time with information processing. Almost everyday at around sunset I sit in the hammock, listen to music and think. I think about my relationships back home, my relationships here. About how in both places I now have people that are important to me, people that teach me so much about life and myself.
It seems that I am developing rapidly into the person that I want to be. I know that's not Thailand. It might be the freedom here that enables me to feel a certian way, but I have to realize that I can generate that freedom at home or where ever I am. I have just been realizing that I am almost twent-three years old and I haven't done a lot of the things that I want to do. I don't even know exactly what I want to do, but being here has opened my eyes to so many possibilities. I know I still young and have plenty of time, but now I feel this urgency to experience life, to become more.
Part of me is scared to come home. I don't have the foresight right now to see how much, if at all, I have changed. But I have a growing suspicion that I have. I can feel it at the bottom of my stomach and it makes me nervous. I guess all I can hope for is that the person I am becoming is congruent to the way I live my life back home.