Sometimes the Truth Just Smells Different
Yesterday I recieved two emails that reall got my mind working. I feel like I have been in a wormhole of perception. There was a huge storm going on the whole time I was answering them and I didn't even realize it. THe wind was crazy and after it stopped raining I went out to the beach to think. I love smell of salt water and rain.
My life right now feels like a series of pictures exposed over each other so that I can see everything as it relates to everything else.
It seemed like for the first time since I've been here the ocean was acting like a real ocean. The steps to the beach were wet and grainy from wind blow sand. The rain drops turned the beach into wet stucco. The waves were massive and white crested all along the coastline as I watched two girls burying strays in the sand. The air was so freshly humid I could feel the fading light pushing agianst my skin. Even the squid boats stayed in, nothing needed to be in that ocean that didin't belong there.
It got dark fast, but not an empty, black sort of darkness. It was a hundred shades of blue, except for when the lightning in the distace illuminated small parts of the sky with sunset colors. It made me think that the sun was rising at home and I swear I could feel the roundness of the earth, see the rotation of the sun in relation to my life.
Thais don't build sand casles, they build sand temples. I saw them. Think about that.
It's unsettling to realize that my life is changing right now due to everything that has ever happened to me. Moments can never be independent of each other no matter how hard we try to compartmentalize them into managable bits and peices.
It's a new experience for me to feel so happy and so scared at the same time. Honestly I'm not used to feeling scared at all, but I am never happy about it when I do. I guess my perspective has changed yet agian. I can see fear and the unknown in relation to personal growth, instead of just telling myself that and not really believing it.
I wish it was easy to keep the plates in my life spinning. The big ones are great, but it's the small ones that get me (Money). It seems that I am happiest when things feel like they are about to crash down around me. At least I'm really living and I have people that I really love in my life.
My life right now feels like a series of pictures exposed over each other so that I can see everything as it relates to everything else.
It seemed like for the first time since I've been here the ocean was acting like a real ocean. The steps to the beach were wet and grainy from wind blow sand. The rain drops turned the beach into wet stucco. The waves were massive and white crested all along the coastline as I watched two girls burying strays in the sand. The air was so freshly humid I could feel the fading light pushing agianst my skin. Even the squid boats stayed in, nothing needed to be in that ocean that didin't belong there.
It got dark fast, but not an empty, black sort of darkness. It was a hundred shades of blue, except for when the lightning in the distace illuminated small parts of the sky with sunset colors. It made me think that the sun was rising at home and I swear I could feel the roundness of the earth, see the rotation of the sun in relation to my life.
Thais don't build sand casles, they build sand temples. I saw them. Think about that.
It's unsettling to realize that my life is changing right now due to everything that has ever happened to me. Moments can never be independent of each other no matter how hard we try to compartmentalize them into managable bits and peices.
It's a new experience for me to feel so happy and so scared at the same time. Honestly I'm not used to feeling scared at all, but I am never happy about it when I do. I guess my perspective has changed yet agian. I can see fear and the unknown in relation to personal growth, instead of just telling myself that and not really believing it.
I wish it was easy to keep the plates in my life spinning. The big ones are great, but it's the small ones that get me (Money). It seems that I am happiest when things feel like they are about to crash down around me. At least I'm really living and I have people that I really love in my life.