AND IT JUST FLOWS - LIKE THAT
When I think of sitting down and writing a million different topics come across my mind.
First comes dwelling.
Dwelling.
The thought of an older man who might have had unrequited love for me that I did not return.
Dwelling.
I'm not working to my best potential in college and what if my family reacts in a negative way about it? What if my funds were to disappear from my grandfather because he didn't feel I "really wanted this."
Dwelling.
The concept that I'm far too socially retarded at times. I feel it everyday. Socializing by is far too complicated and a field I lack in. I always try to out do or leave an impression on others and often I mess that up, but that's who I am. It can't be helped.
Dwelling.
Whether or not I can deal with my parents at times. Talking openly about my past can be easier sometimes than others. My mother is a bipolar, manic depressant, OCD, narcissistic, and incredibly misunderstood woman. Deep down I know half the time she doesn't know/mean what she's saying but it can be hard to deal with. My father who is... has... too many problems and addictions I don't want to mention openly but who I can connect with easily. I never know what to think or what parent's position to take over the other. Two little children who I cannot stand and don't want to play babysitter to. I.... .... .. . .
Dwelling.
Maybe I should start a new journal because I despise half the entries I have made in this thing. I sound far too idiotic at times and others are just random images of bliss that I LOVE AND WANT TO REMEMBER WITH EVERY WAKING MOMENT. But without the bad balancing the good you have nothing. I never want people to judge me on what I write but it'll be done anyways.
Dwelling.
How in the world do I make such fucking awesome epic friends while I myself am nothing but some loser who wastes her life away. After all, what makes people so attracted to me anyways?
Dwelling.
Instead of doing such random crap all the time I should do productive school work. Instead of playing video games or wasting my time on the computer I should try to study for tests and quizzes, I should attempt to do my work to my fullest potential, I should try to stand out from every person in my classes like I KNOW I CAN. I'll boast about myself being a freshmen in college as an art student, I'll do it. I don't care what others pass on me for judgment on my artwork because I can outdo others but don't put in the effort to do so. WHY DO I DO THIS?
Dwelling.
WHY DO SO MANY RETARDED PEOPLE D... ... ....
Dwelling.
MY ANGER IS ABOUT TO EXPPLLLOOODE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dwelling.
DSLKFJADAK.. ... ... !!
And all that aside.
ALL OF THAT ASIDE.
I really truly have been happy.
:)
And ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm YEAAHHhhh...
Dumbledore is gay.
YUP for reals.
First comes dwelling.
Dwelling.
The thought of an older man who might have had unrequited love for me that I did not return.
Dwelling.
I'm not working to my best potential in college and what if my family reacts in a negative way about it? What if my funds were to disappear from my grandfather because he didn't feel I "really wanted this."
Dwelling.
The concept that I'm far too socially retarded at times. I feel it everyday. Socializing by is far too complicated and a field I lack in. I always try to out do or leave an impression on others and often I mess that up, but that's who I am. It can't be helped.
Dwelling.
Whether or not I can deal with my parents at times. Talking openly about my past can be easier sometimes than others. My mother is a bipolar, manic depressant, OCD, narcissistic, and incredibly misunderstood woman. Deep down I know half the time she doesn't know/mean what she's saying but it can be hard to deal with. My father who is... has... too many problems and addictions I don't want to mention openly but who I can connect with easily. I never know what to think or what parent's position to take over the other. Two little children who I cannot stand and don't want to play babysitter to. I.... .... .. . .
Dwelling.
Maybe I should start a new journal because I despise half the entries I have made in this thing. I sound far too idiotic at times and others are just random images of bliss that I LOVE AND WANT TO REMEMBER WITH EVERY WAKING MOMENT. But without the bad balancing the good you have nothing. I never want people to judge me on what I write but it'll be done anyways.
Dwelling.
How in the world do I make such fucking awesome epic friends while I myself am nothing but some loser who wastes her life away. After all, what makes people so attracted to me anyways?
Dwelling.
Instead of doing such random crap all the time I should do productive school work. Instead of playing video games or wasting my time on the computer I should try to study for tests and quizzes, I should attempt to do my work to my fullest potential, I should try to stand out from every person in my classes like I KNOW I CAN. I'll boast about myself being a freshmen in college as an art student, I'll do it. I don't care what others pass on me for judgment on my artwork because I can outdo others but don't put in the effort to do so. WHY DO I DO THIS?
Dwelling.
WHY DO SO MANY RETARDED PEOPLE D... ... ....
Dwelling.
MY ANGER IS ABOUT TO EXPPLLLOOODE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dwelling.
DSLKFJADAK.. ... ... !!
And all that aside.
ALL OF THAT ASIDE.
I really truly have been happy.
:)
And ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm YEAAHHhhh...
Dumbledore is gay.
YUP for reals.