008 |Accidental Video|

[iam_thebadwolf]

[The device flickers on to show the bathroom. There's a bathtub full of bubbles, a half glass of wine sitting on the edge of the tub and lit candles are scattered about. However, there's no sign of anyone in the bathroom or the tub. From the way the candles are guttering it's clear that they've been lit for a while. ]

DOC--[Rose's appearance is

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[iam_thebadwolf]

[In contrast she's got her arms wrapped up tight around her waist. She notices the fidgeting though.] This is not okay.

[Just so he knows that she'd like for him to repeat over and over and over that he won't leave her. She'd like for him say 'Come along, Rose. Get in the TARDIS' a hundred times. She wants proof that only time, the Doctor and a very particular beach in Norway can provide. She knows that none of those things are practical and some of them aren't even possible at the moment. Instead, she'll take what she can have: him knowing that this isn't okay yet and his arms around her, if he'll have it. He ought to have warning though so that he can take the option to leave if he'd prefer.]

If I hug you, I'm goin' to be a mess.

[It's by sheer force of will and focus that she's holding it together at all. She knows crying women aren't really his thing. It might also be a bit of a test, although it's an unconscious test. She doesn't mean to issue it. It's also permission for him to close the distance between them and hug her, if he'd like. That part though, isn't really a test. She'll hug him just as easily if given permission to be a mess and sob all over his jacket.]

[am_i_being_rude]

[Well, he wasn't really expecting it to resolve that easily, but he was still sort of hoping for it. He'll just have to figure out a way to fix it as he goes along. Donna was annoyed when he didn't tell her to begin with; she'll probably be more annoyed if he doesn't solicit help now. Although, he's... not totally sure he wants help. At all. Given that his best idea off the top of his head is post-it notes everywhere saying he's not leaving and following her to work, he'll probably need it regardless. He does nod to indicate acknowledgement that things still need to be fixed though.

He's not good with crying no matter who's doing it. For someone ostensibly so expressive, any great showing of emotion tends to be somewhat repelling. He doesn't hesitate a second after she finishes talking though, taking one big step forward and all-but-crushing her to him. He's got other jackets.]

[iam_thebadwolf]

[Post-it notes and following her to work, aren't bad ideas. She honestly doesn't know what "fixes" this. There's not a formula that goes a+b+c=Rose isn't worried about him leaving anymore. The acknowledgement is good.

The hug is an even better place to start fixing things and as predicted, she turns into a wreck the moment his arms are around her. She buries her face in his chest, arms going around his waist. The sound of his hearts beating makes the crying worse. One heartbeat will always, forever, sound too quiet to her.]

[am_i_being_rude]

[People would be so much easier if they had mathematical equations like that. Also probably a lot more boring. He would have just kept throwing happy numbers at her if that were the case. Alas.

She said she was going to do it but it still feels weird when she starts crying in earnest as soon as he has her in his arms. It seems like that ought to have been the other way around, even if he doesn't care about her getting his jacket all wet. But, more important, she's here and letting him hold her and he's here and he's not going to let go or ever leave her anywhere. He kisses the top of her head since she's got her face in his chest, and after a couple minutes not knowing what else to do, quietly says:] I know it's not okay, but I'm not leaving. Promise. That I can do. I won't ever leave you somewhere. I l-... I'll figure out other ways, but 'The Doctor and Rose' isn't changing again anytime soon.

[iam_thebadwolf]

[Infinitely more boring.

It's more of a fighting so hard not to fall apart and that being the straw that breaks the camel's back so to speak. Kissing the top of her head and promising not to leave both help. And really she's only crying that hard for a little while. He is here and she's here. That doesn't make it okay but it does mean that the crying isn't nearly as desperate. It's on the tip of her tongue to make him promise again but that's just repetitive for the sake of repetition so instead she nods, takes a deep breath and attempts to be less of a mess. She looks up at him, a very weak smile on her face.] Okay. The Doctor proper, yeah? Not human you.

[Sorry, some repetition is just necessary at the moment and there's still more of that checking his words, looking for loopholes and escape hatches. Rose is very aware, the Doctor lies or at least twists the truth. She wants it all untwisted for her or at least she wants to know the twists.]

[am_i_being_rude]

[Really, he'll say just about whatever it takes to assure her that he really, honestly, can't leave her again. He doesn't have it within him to be able to, and he's learned to be selfish enough to not bother with the rest of the universe when he doesn't feel like it. The weak smile gives him a bit of hope, and he quirks one side of his mouth into a slight smile.] Yeah, me. This one, not the... knock-off? [Secretly both versions of him think they are probably better for whatever reasons they want or something. But he's the original anyway.]

[iam_thebadwolf]

[Silly Doctor, telling her that at some point might help. She wouldn't think selfish!Doctor was a bad thing in this case.

Oh there's plenty of reason for hope. She's Rose and he's the Doctor. She won't stay angry at him forever. She won't stay distrustful. It just takes a little time and some work.]

Nothin' wrong with the knock-off. [Yes she's going to be protective of metacrisis!Doctor even though she doesn't want to spend her life with him and even though he's not--in her opinion--her Doctor. She'll defend Eleven, Eight and all the other regenerations as well. Nine and Ten are just closer to her heart. Basically, Rose has a no being too hard on yourself rule when it comes to the Doctor in general] Just not the one I want to spend forever with. I promised you that. Not him.

[He wouldn't be anything like the 'original' if he didn't think he was better.]

[am_i_being_rude]

[That would be far too direct. He's got to try and imply it fifty different directions before he realises he ought to just be Occam's Razoring it. In a manner of speaking.

Her defense of the version she just so protested having been left with initially provokes mild confusion, though that's fleeting and altogether he really should have expected it from her.]

Wouldn't want to break a promise. [It's a somewhat flippant choice of words, but there's a solemnity behind them, given that he's just made a promise to her as well.]

[iam_thebadwolf]

[Well at least she'll have fifty different instances that imply it. Repetition, as mentioned, is kind of reassuring.

Sorry for the confusion, but yes it should have been expected. Rose loves the Doctor, regardless of what he looks like at the moment. The degrees and types of love just change depending on which one of him he is.]

Again.

[Yeah she's not letting him get out of this that easily, but it's not anything she's really doing consciously. She just came from the breaking of that forever promise. And yeah, she's taking his agreement with and occasional confirming of forever as a promise. She does like this more concrete one though.

She turns a bit, moving one arm from around his waist and raking it through her hair, pushing it off her face then she wipes at her face with the back of her wrist. With the other hand she clings to the lapel of his jacket. It's sort of a compromise, keeping her distance--even though she's still practically leaning against him--and staying in contact with him at the same time. She realizes, belatedly what she just did with the 'again' and winces just a bit.]

Sorry.

[am_i_being_rude]

[Well, ow. She's well within her rights saying it, but he still works on suppressing a flinch. Nothing was ever intentionally to hurt anyone; even if it caused a bit of it in the moment, hopefully in the long run it wouldn't have been as bad. And to a certain extent there was definitely the thinking it wasn't a decision he was going to have to explain or atone for later. What a silly idea.

He lets his arms loosen more and fall to her hips when she pulls away a bit more to turn, but is decidedly reluctant to let go altogether, which makes her own compromise with the contact much more reassuring. She's been angry with him before for various things, but this was on a different level entirely, and he's still not sure about the steps afterward.]

No, no, it's - you're right. Sorry.

[iam_thebadwolf]

[If she were watching him closer she'd see the suppressed flinch but as it is she's focusing more on their hands, his on her hips and hers wrapped up in his jacket. At his words, she looks up to him. It's on the tip of her tongue to counteract his apology, instinct almost but she bites it back.

After a moment of watching his face, her gaze drops back down to their hands. It takes her another moment speak. When she does, her voice is quiet.]

I get it, y'know. Why you thought it'd be a good idea to leave me with him. Sounds good in theory. Best of both worlds, yeah? He can grow old with me, won't be runnin' round with an old lady that looks old enough to be his mum. Spares me and you both that and you're gonna have to lose me eventually anyway.

He does love me and maybe one day I'd be happy with him, but...I'd rather take my chances with you. Guess m'selfish.

[am_i_being_rude]

[He takes a while himself to reply back to that, just sort of looking off into the distance while staring down at the ground, then coming back to the moment and very carefully back up to not-her-face. Look anywhere but her face. Mostly down.]

It... Seemed like it would make you happy, Rose. Getting the best of the pair. Something you could 'fix' and someone to run about with in whatever version of Torchwood you lot have got bustling about over there.

[Another, shorter pause. Then more quiet speaking. Intimate, even.] Next time I'll just ask you, Rose.

[iam_thebadwolf]

[They're both doing a lot of not looking at each other's faces. Although Rose is keeping track of the not looking at her face he's doing in her peripheral vision.]

I just wanted to fix you. Otherwise, I woulda stuck with Mickey.[Yeah she knows metacrisis!Doctor is still sort of him. It's just a whole...thing and she does get it. She really does. That doesn't mean she likes it. His next comment brings another sort of smile. The quiet, intimate tone of his voice makes her look up at him and sort of turn into him.]

Always the best sorta thing to do, Doctor.

[He makes it so hard to maintain anger at him but really, anger isn't the problem. That fizzles out. It's more of an issue of hurt and mistrust and doubting him in a way that she never has before.]

[am_i_being_rude]

Well it would have been a lot more work but I don't think Mickey's entirely beyond saving... [Cautiously playful. He knows there's no chance any of this is taken care of but he's still grasping for a bit of levity.

He does properly look down at her when she turns back toward him.] Learning that, yeah. [Anger would almost be easier for him to deal with, I think. The loss of faith and trust will take so much longer to fix.]

[iam_thebadwolf]

[The attempt at levity makes her laugh a bit, just a short chuckle. She reaches up and tucks her hair behind one ear.] Think I've bailed him out of the worst of it. Someone else can take over.

[She holds his gaze for a moment and then nods.] 'Least you're still willin' to learn. [That's the second chance she's giving him right there.]

[am_i_being_rude]

[He smiles a little bit more. That's conversation almost approaching normal if it weren't quite for how aware he feels about every word being said.]

I like learning. Love learning. Always like learning. [Well it's more than he's usually willing to give, which he is a personality trait of hers he is rapidly appreciating.]