5 Thought Dead After Terrifying Bottling Plant Explosion
Frank Sterling, Reuters- Early this morning a there was a devastating explosion in the pasturization room at a local bottling plant. Presumably caused by a faulty pressure release valve. The scene was a horror show, with 5 people claiming to have died in the blast. When asked to comment one of them, Plant manager Bob Geofferies said " Look there is no way we survived that. Just look around!" When asked where he and his fellow workers were headed. He stated that since benefits had been cut, it'd be best if they just took care of their own funeral preparations and were off to the local morgue for autopsy. 23 other bodies where strewn about like left over canned dog food. This reporter was then approach by what appeared to be an incorporeal worker who was rather upset that the 5 dead were leaving going so far to call them "lazy bastards". When asked about his own mortality he said " Look if I was dead would I be able to do this" as he put his hand on either side of his face stuck out his tongue and wiggled his insubstantial digits then yelled "BOO!" at which point he turned and floated through the wall in to the supervisors office he was last heard to be muttering "F***ing reporters always trying to make a story out of nothing."