D&D, Staying up later, whining about a lack of passion
I've been having trouble getting to sleep at nights. I slept till about noon for two days and then that made it harder to sleep at night. My whole sleeping schedule keeps sliding. last night I didn't get to sleep until 3 and the night before 2. Tonight it will be 4 most likely ( : Heh. In 20 days or so with this pattern my sleep schedule should be fine.
I never really touched my D&D books this entire trip until recently. I guess Icewind Dale brought about a renaisance. Last night I made a new character and came up with many ideas for a campaign centered around him(or her)... hadn't thought about making it female but it would work. Anyway, I won't go into detail, though I want to, because I might run it. Also have become refond of my worg/awakened wolf Barbarian character Idea.
I heard Ellen Kushner on the Radio for a little bit today. It always is little things that don't matter that make you like something or someone. I feel a loyalty to her now, just because I liked her books.
It's getting easier putting contacts in.
I went to 1/2 Price books. I almost bought the 2nd edition spelljammer set, Gattaca, Helboy and Emerald Magic. I thought better on all of it.
I might be depressed, probably nothing. I woke up this morning really missing having someone to cuddle with/hold. The thing with Zoey has evaporated, she won't return my calls(I've only tried twice though) It was strange whatever it was.
So yeah, late night D&D character Creation Insomnia. Yay.(sarcastic...or was it? I don't know)
Yesterday was a picnic with the feminist circle. I like them, watergun wars, kite flying, food(spagetti on a picnic, weird but good) Afterwards some of them went back to my place and we watched Casablanca. It really is a good movie. I never noticed the soft lighting/vaseline on camera lense trick before. I still don't like beer. I tried Jones Soda. Good, though could do without carbonation.
I don't like owing people things, even unspoken things that they'll probably never collect on and don't know I owe them. I guess it's a weird pride thing and I can't go into details. This may be me and my stupidity talking but I think one of the reasons guys want to pay for stuff on dates is if they ask the girl out, they think highly of her. They might not think so highly of themselves and paying for food & entertainment is a way to sort of even things out, to not have to feel like you owe her for her presence.
I have hypothetical hope in thoughts but I don't feel it. I don't think of the future much because I don't like what I see. I'm a cynic. I guess I feel winy a lot right now, just in my head and here not with other people. I've lost my passion I lost it a while ago. I'm so different now from how I was then that it feels like I can't recapture it/if I do I won't be me. My passion was animals, the whole eco-terrorist, hating humanity especially those who ate meat. I've got echos of that but just that, echos. I say and tell myself that my passion now is my friends but it's a paler thing, it is more what I want to be true than what is true. I think that a special lady could be a passion but it's all hypothetical & making the center of my life someone else is probably a very bad idea. Having your Passion be your friends is probably bad too, though I guess it's a step above wishing your entire species was extinct. I can get contacts easy enough but there really isn't a store where you can buy something to care about and want to work towards. I suppose if I could buy it it wouldn't really be a passion.
So yeah my life recently has been thinking about how I have no passion, having new contacts and thinking about Dungeons and Dragons.
I never really touched my D&D books this entire trip until recently. I guess Icewind Dale brought about a renaisance. Last night I made a new character and came up with many ideas for a campaign centered around him(or her)... hadn't thought about making it female but it would work. Anyway, I won't go into detail, though I want to, because I might run it. Also have become refond of my worg/awakened wolf Barbarian character Idea.
I heard Ellen Kushner on the Radio for a little bit today. It always is little things that don't matter that make you like something or someone. I feel a loyalty to her now, just because I liked her books.
It's getting easier putting contacts in.
I went to 1/2 Price books. I almost bought the 2nd edition spelljammer set, Gattaca, Helboy and Emerald Magic. I thought better on all of it.
I might be depressed, probably nothing. I woke up this morning really missing having someone to cuddle with/hold. The thing with Zoey has evaporated, she won't return my calls(I've only tried twice though) It was strange whatever it was.
So yeah, late night D&D character Creation Insomnia. Yay.(sarcastic...or was it? I don't know)
Yesterday was a picnic with the feminist circle. I like them, watergun wars, kite flying, food(spagetti on a picnic, weird but good) Afterwards some of them went back to my place and we watched Casablanca. It really is a good movie. I never noticed the soft lighting/vaseline on camera lense trick before. I still don't like beer. I tried Jones Soda. Good, though could do without carbonation.
I don't like owing people things, even unspoken things that they'll probably never collect on and don't know I owe them. I guess it's a weird pride thing and I can't go into details. This may be me and my stupidity talking but I think one of the reasons guys want to pay for stuff on dates is if they ask the girl out, they think highly of her. They might not think so highly of themselves and paying for food & entertainment is a way to sort of even things out, to not have to feel like you owe her for her presence.
I have hypothetical hope in thoughts but I don't feel it. I don't think of the future much because I don't like what I see. I'm a cynic. I guess I feel winy a lot right now, just in my head and here not with other people. I've lost my passion I lost it a while ago. I'm so different now from how I was then that it feels like I can't recapture it/if I do I won't be me. My passion was animals, the whole eco-terrorist, hating humanity especially those who ate meat. I've got echos of that but just that, echos. I say and tell myself that my passion now is my friends but it's a paler thing, it is more what I want to be true than what is true. I think that a special lady could be a passion but it's all hypothetical & making the center of my life someone else is probably a very bad idea. Having your Passion be your friends is probably bad too, though I guess it's a step above wishing your entire species was extinct. I can get contacts easy enough but there really isn't a store where you can buy something to care about and want to work towards. I suppose if I could buy it it wouldn't really be a passion.
So yeah my life recently has been thinking about how I have no passion, having new contacts and thinking about Dungeons and Dragons.