loom to lament
well it's three something in the AM and i have to work an eight hour shift tomorrow, beginning at noon. I'm almost positive that it will rule a lot.
sometimes i feel like someone who gets me so well doesn't know me at all. In all honesty -who enjoys being put down in front of their friends? Poking fun every now and then is perfectly fine, but straight face serious tone cutting remarks just start to wear at the ego and self esteem when their occurrences become high in numbers. For someone who comments on how intelligent and beautiful i supposedly am they're great at making me feel rather worthless. I shouldn't be saying anything really though, I'm a smart ass too.
I had the best time I've had in a long time last night. Got to spend a lot of time with Caitlin which is always a pleasure [seriously, no sarcasm. i love my Caitlin]. saw about five different groups of friends, even some kids from high school I've never spoken to in my entire life. Strange how that works...right when high school ends everyone starts hanging out with the kids they used to make fun of or vice versa--and it's completely ok.
that reminds me--high school is over. and what do i have to show for twelve years of school? an empty head and a hand that can regurgitate neat pictures.
speaking of that whole art thing, i actually managed to pull off getting a scholarship. It was Ben's memorial scholarship. Not much money, but really i don't even care. Wasn't quite sure how to feel about the scholarship in it's self...I mean it's five hundred dollars towards what i want to do with my life, yet if Ben was still here it wouldn't have happened. I'd rather have a friend than five hundred dollars. I didn't know how to respond to it so i just cried a lot.
well that was depressing. But i really am honored to receive the award in his memory. He was the first person to teach me how to be different, individual, and not give a care about what people think about me. Ben became my hero when he wore a fairy costume to school for the fuck of it. Now i have this great scholarship to pursue a subject which was such a large part of his life and what he taught me to be. man i miss that kid.
new job soon?
things are changing.
ok goodnight
sometimes i feel like someone who gets me so well doesn't know me at all. In all honesty -who enjoys being put down in front of their friends? Poking fun every now and then is perfectly fine, but straight face serious tone cutting remarks just start to wear at the ego and self esteem when their occurrences become high in numbers. For someone who comments on how intelligent and beautiful i supposedly am they're great at making me feel rather worthless. I shouldn't be saying anything really though, I'm a smart ass too.
I had the best time I've had in a long time last night. Got to spend a lot of time with Caitlin which is always a pleasure [seriously, no sarcasm. i love my Caitlin]. saw about five different groups of friends, even some kids from high school I've never spoken to in my entire life. Strange how that works...right when high school ends everyone starts hanging out with the kids they used to make fun of or vice versa--and it's completely ok.
that reminds me--high school is over. and what do i have to show for twelve years of school? an empty head and a hand that can regurgitate neat pictures.
speaking of that whole art thing, i actually managed to pull off getting a scholarship. It was Ben's memorial scholarship. Not much money, but really i don't even care. Wasn't quite sure how to feel about the scholarship in it's self...I mean it's five hundred dollars towards what i want to do with my life, yet if Ben was still here it wouldn't have happened. I'd rather have a friend than five hundred dollars. I didn't know how to respond to it so i just cried a lot.
well that was depressing. But i really am honored to receive the award in his memory. He was the first person to teach me how to be different, individual, and not give a care about what people think about me. Ben became my hero when he wore a fairy costume to school for the fuck of it. Now i have this great scholarship to pursue a subject which was such a large part of his life and what he taught me to be. man i miss that kid.
new job soon?
things are changing.
ok goodnight