Yeah well what can you do?
I cant handle this. It feels like no matter what i do or whatever anyone else says or does to me it can never help this. Because i'll still see that same damn person when i look into the mirror. I hate that person so bad. The same thing happens every single fuckign night lately. I cant even remember what it was like when i was genuinely happy for a day at a time. Now it comes in seconds but it never lingers like the sadness does. I feel liek such a faggot writing this but its the only way i can even try to help myeslf understand or change it. I wish i was someone else. Someone really cool and awesome that everyone loved so much that i wouldnt even have to care abotu them. It reminds me of beingup really high and theres a crowd of people underneatha nd i know they wouldnt catch me theyd just let me fall but if that crowd of people was on a cliff id go so far out of my way to catch each and everyone of them and let myeslf get hurt before any one of them did. It sucks. And i always hurt the people i care most about. If i were someone elsei wouldnt waste my time with me either. It would make me feel a lot better if people woudl pretend to care but then if they pretended id be so upest that they were two faced. Im so hypocritical. I hope no one is reading this cause if they are ill feel real gay. Ah whatver i cant write anymore about that.
Hmm chris is leaving. sux. I hope i can go to that party at brians tomarow. Oh well if not. Makes no differense to anyoen if im there or not. I love them all so much. Imgon apick up remy and penny if i can go. I should go just so they can go and everyone can see them. Mabe there will be drugs so i can be at least fake happy or something. Even fuckign blinky was an asshole to me today. I think ive hit rock bottom with everything. I love remy so fucking much. I hope she acutally feels the same.
Hope you come down with something they cant diagnose.
I was born to make everyone else happy. I cant even do my job right.
THE END