New Year's shenanigans
Vancouver was funtastic. Getting into Canada was amazingly difficult; on top of the usual questions about carrying things across the border(BECAUSE YES OFFICER THERE'S 20 KILOS OF METH AND A SEX DWARF IN THE TRUNK THERE'S NO PROBLEM WITH THAT RIGHT?), the customs agent also wanted to know what city we were going to, what hotel, and how much money we were bringing in. Only after did we tally up everyone's money to come to the princely sum of $273 US for all four of us did he explain that he only meant if we were carrying more than $10,000 which made us all stare at him because we're going to Canada with 10K all packed into a 1992 Toyota Corolla? ICE NIGGA PLEASE.
Once we actually got to our room and checked in, we hopped onto the SkyTrain and headed to the Aquarium for lack of anything better to do, because, as group member Cherish pointed out: "OOOOHHHH FISHIES". Also along for the ride was Lee, her boyfriend, and Andrew, a friend of ours back home for the holidays from school who wore a scarf and whined about forgetting his gloves in my car. He was referred to as FANCY LAD for the remainder of the night by all present. Sadly, by the time we finished with the Aquarium a clear day had turned into an unforseen downpour and JESUS FUCK WHERE'S THE BUS?
While we had planned to find a bar from the beginning, it turned out more difficult than we expected. After food and a trip back to the room, we headed back to downtown and got off at Granville. While Granville had a shitload of clubs, pubs, and bars, they all were either too fancy/expensive, required pre-ordered tickets, or wanted two peices of ID (a problem since Lee was only 18 and still underage even in BC). Also, FANCY LAD insisted on finding somewhere he could get a Martini. After almost giving up and going back on the SkyTrain to people watch (MORE ON THIS LATTER) we found a bar that didn't need pre-ordered tickets OR ID, so YAYAY. They had a series of bands performing ranging from good (all-girl punk bad The Rumours) to bad (The Goblins; note to aspiring punk artists: building your band around a Casio as the primary instrument can only lead to tragedy). Said Casio band also wore shirts over their heads with eye holes cut out and attempted to teach some of the crowd to SKANK ON-STAGE which was really the most soul-destroying parade of shame and failure I've seen in some time. At midnight everyone got free champagne on top of the steady stream of liquor we'd already had and they sprayed the crowd with a couple of bottles more and all in all we all left pleasently tanked and called it a night.
As far as people watching, New Year's really brought all of the good ones out of the wood work, including:
-Freestyling black guy. Impressively enough, every other word was "motherfucking" and he referred to his two friends as HIS NIGGERS even though though they were the most painfully white people I've ever seen. Got off the SkyTrain halfway through after loudly making a drug deal for one of HIS NIGGERS on his cell phone.
-Candy Ravers. With pacifiers and everything. They were also dressed in alternating red & white and arranged it so they looked like reverse-color copies of each other which was both patriotic and utterly disturbing at the same time. The were also E-ed out of their minds. They kept trying to read an advertisement in our cabin; after 3 minutes of multiple fumblings and giggling, they finally managed to get out the word "cat". After they got out, we checked what they were trying to read and were utterly mystified when we saw that it was "SkyTrain Safety & Security".
-Whore. We think. All she had on was a business jacket and a skirt that was barely a foot from top to bottom. I can only assume that elves or perhaps some sinister form of black magic kept her breasts in the jacket because she had nothing else on underneath it, a fact strongly supported when she bent over and HOLY SHIT NIPPLES EVERYWEHERE. After brushing up against Andrew she licked her lips and I'm sure all of this would have been terribly exciting if she didn't look fresh from the sex-change clinic, because except for the huge size of her areolas, I remain steadfastly convinced that she was a man.
And so ends the New Year's. I hope everyone had a good time in the company of friends etc. etc. <3 U ALL BUH BAI
Once we actually got to our room and checked in, we hopped onto the SkyTrain and headed to the Aquarium for lack of anything better to do, because, as group member Cherish pointed out: "OOOOHHHH FISHIES". Also along for the ride was Lee, her boyfriend, and Andrew, a friend of ours back home for the holidays from school who wore a scarf and whined about forgetting his gloves in my car. He was referred to as FANCY LAD for the remainder of the night by all present. Sadly, by the time we finished with the Aquarium a clear day had turned into an unforseen downpour and JESUS FUCK WHERE'S THE BUS?
While we had planned to find a bar from the beginning, it turned out more difficult than we expected. After food and a trip back to the room, we headed back to downtown and got off at Granville. While Granville had a shitload of clubs, pubs, and bars, they all were either too fancy/expensive, required pre-ordered tickets, or wanted two peices of ID (a problem since Lee was only 18 and still underage even in BC). Also, FANCY LAD insisted on finding somewhere he could get a Martini. After almost giving up and going back on the SkyTrain to people watch (MORE ON THIS LATTER) we found a bar that didn't need pre-ordered tickets OR ID, so YAYAY. They had a series of bands performing ranging from good (all-girl punk bad The Rumours) to bad (The Goblins; note to aspiring punk artists: building your band around a Casio as the primary instrument can only lead to tragedy). Said Casio band also wore shirts over their heads with eye holes cut out and attempted to teach some of the crowd to SKANK ON-STAGE which was really the most soul-destroying parade of shame and failure I've seen in some time. At midnight everyone got free champagne on top of the steady stream of liquor we'd already had and they sprayed the crowd with a couple of bottles more and all in all we all left pleasently tanked and called it a night.
As far as people watching, New Year's really brought all of the good ones out of the wood work, including:
-Freestyling black guy. Impressively enough, every other word was "motherfucking" and he referred to his two friends as HIS NIGGERS even though though they were the most painfully white people I've ever seen. Got off the SkyTrain halfway through after loudly making a drug deal for one of HIS NIGGERS on his cell phone.
-Candy Ravers. With pacifiers and everything. They were also dressed in alternating red & white and arranged it so they looked like reverse-color copies of each other which was both patriotic and utterly disturbing at the same time. The were also E-ed out of their minds. They kept trying to read an advertisement in our cabin; after 3 minutes of multiple fumblings and giggling, they finally managed to get out the word "cat". After they got out, we checked what they were trying to read and were utterly mystified when we saw that it was "SkyTrain Safety & Security".
-Whore. We think. All she had on was a business jacket and a skirt that was barely a foot from top to bottom. I can only assume that elves or perhaps some sinister form of black magic kept her breasts in the jacket because she had nothing else on underneath it, a fact strongly supported when she bent over and HOLY SHIT NIPPLES EVERYWEHERE. After brushing up against Andrew she licked her lips and I'm sure all of this would have been terribly exciting if she didn't look fresh from the sex-change clinic, because except for the huge size of her areolas, I remain steadfastly convinced that she was a man.
And so ends the New Year's. I hope everyone had a good time in the company of friends etc. etc. <3 U ALL BUH BAI