(no subject)
Weird. I reactivated this thing because I didn't remember how long I worked at Blue Man Group in Boston for. That led to reading through my old entries, which, in turn, led to me feeling as if I needed to utilize this place as a venting platform again. I dunno. I hope not to fall back into the trend like I did with myspace, but I can't really be too sure about what will happen. Livejournal is still super lame.
Life is pretty boring. I live in Croton again and I need a job. Same old problems, I guess.
There are some perks, though. I'm around good people. There's a girl I like who likes me back. I have a lot of ambition that, once I get the job problem ironed out, I feel like will be incredibly attainable, namely teaching myself how to skate fishtail, getting an Ibanez guitar and actually learning some of the stuff I should already know, buying a lot of art supplies, ect.
There have been some hard times, but when haven't there been hard times? I got busted by some Croton cops a few days ago for being a drunken mess. Crappy situation. Not really worth remarking on, but it sucked and that was the point I was trying to convey. Anything else that sucked was mostly a result of my personality disorders (fear of abandonment, lingering paranoia about people's intentions, you know, the regulars). If I keep a largely clear mind, I can rationalize those problems away and function on a level similar to that of the status quo. But at the same time, I dont want to blend to the point of becoming part of the status quo. I fucking hate the norm in this town. Its just really insincere. I feel that its a problem plaguing suburbia as a whole and I sure as shit dont anticipate moving to a city.
Just like everyone told me I would, after living in New York City, I fucking hate it and I never want to go back. I know I will. I still know some solid dudes down there, but most of the people I was hanging out with I know I will never see in the same context ever again. I'm ok with that because I recognize the stupid shit I did to myself and the people around me when I lived down there and I know that I can successfully leave that shit behind me if I keep mindful about it. Its been really hard at times to say "no, I dont want any blow" but I think that I've seen that shit ruin enough people around me that I can put it successfully behind me.
I've been using Bad Brains to try and extract myself from periods of depression. Its sort of weird how affected I am by those dudes, especially cuz those dudes were terrible people.
Oh, I'm blonde now too. Its weird. I must say, I have been having more fun.
So yeah, that's the update. More might come. Or not.