Marriage
Wow! thats a big word!
Here I am having dated a great girl for 5 months and thinking about marriage. You know at first I was like, "hell ya!". now I am having second thoughts about it all because, well there is a whole list of things:
1. I am used to being single and I have loved it.
2. How can I be absolutly SURE that she is the one?
3. and let me preface #2 by saying I don't believe in divorce. I believe that a married couple should stay together forever. I mean unless there is abuse or something that cannot be stopped AND overcome... but thats neither her nor there.
I think a lot of my people in my case have just said, "Go with your feelings on this one" and fucked them selves in the end (i.e. 52 fucking % of americans). you know its so hard when your in the situation and you don't see the bigger picture or arnt able to look in from the outside... boy I wish i could... look in from the outside I mean. sometimes I want to break up with her to reevaluate my own life. and I think "is that fair to her?" is it fair to not be absolutly sure and not be 100% in saying "i do" for life? AAAAHHHHHH!
OFCOURSE NOT!!
Truthfully I have wanted to get married and start a family for years, I just wish I knew if she was it. I mean, I look in her eyes and know that I love her. but there ARE things that I want in a wife that she isnt or doesn't have and I am wondering if I should listen to all the people out there that say "you are never going to find someone EXACTLY perfect for you, take the good with the bad" or the ones that say "keep looking for the one until you find her!"????? I am a romantic ofcourse so I would like to believe the ladder of the two.
but her is the thing that fucks me up.
A few years ago I was going out with a girl named LaRae. LaRae was perfect for me, she mellowed me out and I felt like, when I was with her, that my "rough edges" had been shaved off you know. I felt like a completely different person and I loved myself and I loved her. we had a relationship that ended after one year. The one and only reason that that relationship fell apart was because she decided, or rather came to the realization that I, being a Baha'i, would never forsake my faith and become a full fleged member of her church. I told her how much that Baha'is love and believe in Christ. That wasn't good enough, she had to marry someone who was a Christian. And I couldn't be that for her. So we went our separate ways, I saw her three years later. I took her to dinner one night as I was passing through her small town on a trip I was taking. We shared stories of the time we had been apart. she looked at me and told me once again that if it wasn't for that one thing, that she would have married me a long time ago. I told her if it wasn't for her feelings on that subject that I would marry her on the spot. and I ment it. rarely do we find someone who truely completes us. if it wasn't for that one issue, she would have truely completed me. and I her.
I think of how, except for that issue, perfect that relationship was... I remember how I loved her with such a deep love. I remember that the love I had for her wasn't the kind you have second thoughts about. It was the kind you hold onto forever and never let go of. It was the stuff dreams are made of folks.
Heather, my current girlfriend, is a great person. but when I think of what I want in a person I think
honesty
1. humor
2. ability to have friendships
3. humility
4. assertiveness
5. motherly
6. paitience
7. outgoing
8. active
9. goal oriented
10.has love for God
11.doesn't talk behind anyones back
12.modesty
13.polite
14.manners
15.finishes what she starts
16.can respect my beliefs if she doesn't BELIEVE in them
17.can teach me her beliefs or knows what her beliefs are
she has 1,5,6,10,16 down pat. but there is a whole lot more that I am looking for. and I am not saying she doesn't have anything else on that list at all, she just has those 5 down and a long way to go on a lot else.
I am not saying I am perfect, its just that when you marry you set your own standards and I don't know for sure if I am just not being honest with myself on this all or if she really just isn't the girl for me.
I know I love her when I look in her eyes. I just didn't think that I would have second thoughts on the person I wanna be with forever. I thought I would just know! ya know?
I am still confused. I thought that writting this would help but I don't think it did. I am only sure that I am confused!!!!!
random thought "just shoot me! j/k"
color me human
benny
Here I am having dated a great girl for 5 months and thinking about marriage. You know at first I was like, "hell ya!". now I am having second thoughts about it all because, well there is a whole list of things:
1. I am used to being single and I have loved it.
2. How can I be absolutly SURE that she is the one?
3. and let me preface #2 by saying I don't believe in divorce. I believe that a married couple should stay together forever. I mean unless there is abuse or something that cannot be stopped AND overcome... but thats neither her nor there.
I think a lot of my people in my case have just said, "Go with your feelings on this one" and fucked them selves in the end (i.e. 52 fucking % of americans). you know its so hard when your in the situation and you don't see the bigger picture or arnt able to look in from the outside... boy I wish i could... look in from the outside I mean. sometimes I want to break up with her to reevaluate my own life. and I think "is that fair to her?" is it fair to not be absolutly sure and not be 100% in saying "i do" for life? AAAAHHHHHH!
OFCOURSE NOT!!
Truthfully I have wanted to get married and start a family for years, I just wish I knew if she was it. I mean, I look in her eyes and know that I love her. but there ARE things that I want in a wife that she isnt or doesn't have and I am wondering if I should listen to all the people out there that say "you are never going to find someone EXACTLY perfect for you, take the good with the bad" or the ones that say "keep looking for the one until you find her!"????? I am a romantic ofcourse so I would like to believe the ladder of the two.
but her is the thing that fucks me up.
A few years ago I was going out with a girl named LaRae. LaRae was perfect for me, she mellowed me out and I felt like, when I was with her, that my "rough edges" had been shaved off you know. I felt like a completely different person and I loved myself and I loved her. we had a relationship that ended after one year. The one and only reason that that relationship fell apart was because she decided, or rather came to the realization that I, being a Baha'i, would never forsake my faith and become a full fleged member of her church. I told her how much that Baha'is love and believe in Christ. That wasn't good enough, she had to marry someone who was a Christian. And I couldn't be that for her. So we went our separate ways, I saw her three years later. I took her to dinner one night as I was passing through her small town on a trip I was taking. We shared stories of the time we had been apart. she looked at me and told me once again that if it wasn't for that one thing, that she would have married me a long time ago. I told her if it wasn't for her feelings on that subject that I would marry her on the spot. and I ment it. rarely do we find someone who truely completes us. if it wasn't for that one issue, she would have truely completed me. and I her.
I think of how, except for that issue, perfect that relationship was... I remember how I loved her with such a deep love. I remember that the love I had for her wasn't the kind you have second thoughts about. It was the kind you hold onto forever and never let go of. It was the stuff dreams are made of folks.
Heather, my current girlfriend, is a great person. but when I think of what I want in a person I think
honesty
1. humor
2. ability to have friendships
3. humility
4. assertiveness
5. motherly
6. paitience
7. outgoing
8. active
9. goal oriented
10.has love for God
11.doesn't talk behind anyones back
12.modesty
13.polite
14.manners
15.finishes what she starts
16.can respect my beliefs if she doesn't BELIEVE in them
17.can teach me her beliefs or knows what her beliefs are
she has 1,5,6,10,16 down pat. but there is a whole lot more that I am looking for. and I am not saying she doesn't have anything else on that list at all, she just has those 5 down and a long way to go on a lot else.
I am not saying I am perfect, its just that when you marry you set your own standards and I don't know for sure if I am just not being honest with myself on this all or if she really just isn't the girl for me.
I know I love her when I look in her eyes. I just didn't think that I would have second thoughts on the person I wanna be with forever. I thought I would just know! ya know?
I am still confused. I thought that writting this would help but I don't think it did. I am only sure that I am confused!!!!!
random thought "just shoot me! j/k"
color me human
benny