The Great Escape - Part 4
Title: The Great Escape
Author: IAdoreCallie
Pairing: Callie and Arizona
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Camp Torres is no fun for a recovering Arizona.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this fiction, nor do I have any rights in regards to them.
As Callie's head fell back against the pillow Arizona fell exhausted beside her. She felt decidedly proud of herself as Callie looked as though she had just climbed Everest. Callie stuck her arm out across the pillow allowing Arizona to curl up at her side. Callie's breathing was ragged but intermittently pierced with laughter. Arizona smiled smuggly as she wiped a mass of hair from Callie's soaked cheek. "I told you that I was ok." Arizona rolled onto her back and placed her hand on Callie's thigh. Staring up at the ceiling she felt whole and alive for the first time in weeks. Right here, in this moment, everything was normal and as it should be.
Callie was laughing now "I'd say you are better than ok. I think that long break without sex turned you into a wild animal." Callie wiped the moisture from her forehead then rolled onto her side and pulled Arizona tighter to her. "I love you so much. I'm sorry if its like I am smothering you..." Arizona tried not to laugh at this as Callie's breast was coming dangerously close to doing just that. "I am just worried that's all. I guess you went through all this with me, but I dunno, I just feel like I need to protect you and I didn't. I wasn't there and I feel like I failed you." The joy had left Callie's voice now and it was tinted with shame and sadness. Arizona didn't know what to say. She lay staring at the ceiling as Callie continued her tirade of self deprecation. Things that Callie had not said before, but now that they had dropped the borders of Callie's mothering, the floodgates had opened. Arizona didn't have the heart to stop it. But she wasn't sure that her heart could take it.
"When I saw you. After. And ... Well it wasn't you. And that man. He... God Arizona he almost took you away from me. And he did take..." Callie paused but Arizona knew what she was about to say. It felt like a boot had slammed her in the stomach with the foot of a giant inside it. "You took all that pain and for nothing. What did it do? You have been through so much and it didn't need to be that way." Arizona's nostrils flared as anger began walling up inside her.
"It wasn't for nothing. I would do it again in a heartbeat Calliope. We are surgeons. We do all we can to save lives. When a person comes into the ER do we look at them and say 'Ah well, they could die anyway so why bother.' No. We don't. We sweat, we cry, we push ourselves to the limits to make sure that even if there isn't much of a chance, there is still a chance. That little girl had suffered enough and I did what I could to make sure she didn't suffer more. She had a chance. I gave her that chance. I thought you'd understand that." Arizona rolled from the bed. Her body ached but she didn't care. She had to get away for just a few seconds to compose herself. Grabbing her clothes she pulled them on with determination. Callie lay silently. Arizona knew she had just said something Callie did not expect and Callie had never been the fastest in reaction to shock. Arizona was already heading down the stairs by the time she heard the shuffling of Callie trying to find her clothes. Arizona hadn't been downstairs since she came home and she figured out why. Stairs were causing her a little discomfort in her abdomen. Now she was in the hall she wasn't sure where to go. The TV was on in the living room and she could hear Mr Torres laughing at something happening on the screen. Sounds from the kitchen told her that Mrs Torres was busy burning another culinary masterpiece. Heading into the sun room, she slid the door open and slipped into the yard.
It was the middle of the night and the rain was heavier than ever. But the coolness of each drop helped to take the heat from her skin. The door closing behind her was all she heard and then strong arms were around her again. "What is it with me chasing you out in the rain?" Callie was trying to pacify her and it was having an effect. She already felt foolish for running away like that, rather than talking it through. "I'm sorry. I didn't think. You were brave and I love you for that. I was being selfish. If it was you or her, I would want you to be here. I'm sorry for that but I can't live without you. Now please come inside you'll freeze out here in your boxers." Arizona hung her head and turned in Callie's arms. It was hard to open her eyes as the rain battered them but she had to see Callie's reaction.
"If it was me, or our child. Who would you choose Calliope? Would you save me and let our child die because you can't live without me?" Callie staggered backwards, letting Arizona go. Arizona felt wrong for posting such a disarming question but it was one that Callie had to think about. Callie shook her head and looked as though she wanted to be sick. Arizona stepped forward and took Callie's hand in hers. "I would never want that choice to have to be made. But you have to admit we see that choice all too often in our line of work with the families. I want you to just be aware that I can't always come first. As much as I want to be your everything there is going to come a time when I won't be. I won't resent that as we will both focus our world on someone else. Someone who will look at us as their world. Its something you have to accept Callie. If we are ever going to be parents we both have to come to terms with the fact that we can't always be each others only concern." Callie was crying now. The tears were clearly discernable through the rain.
As a loud crack of thunder shattered the sky, Arizona and Callie met on the wet grass, embracing tighter than ever. An unspoken vow to do the right thing if ever the time was to come. They both prayed to whatever would hear them that the time would never come, if it did they both understood one another now. It was something that had never crossed between them before and they hoped would not come again.
"Hey are you two crazy!? Get your asses inside before you catch pneumonia! Calliope I thought better of you! Taking her out there in the rain! Where is the common sense I brought you up with?!" Arizona laughed softly into Callie's chest and allowed Callie to lead her back inside. "Dripping on these nice carpets too. You two. Youth of today has no sense. None at all. Get upstairs and dry off." Arizona had flashbacks to staying with her grandmother and it made her shudder. Callie helped her back up the stairs which caused more discomfort than going down. It wasn't pain, more of an ache but by the time she was back inside the room, Arizona was out of breath and wanted to crash down onto the bed. Callie grabbed towels and insisted on drying Arizona off. Arizona was sure this was just an excuse to touch her again and was definitely not going to complain.
"It hurt but only for a minute. It was a strange experience Callie. The knife I mean. It was kinda like I wasn't there. Then all of a sudden I was and I panicked. I was scared of never holding you again. Kissing you. Then there was this calm that sort of settled in. Like I was drifting. Then I saw you writing in my journal." Callie had stopped drying Arizona mid leg and was staring at her open mouthed. Arizona had not been so candid before. Choosing the "I dont remember" route over the truth. "I was selfish I think. In my thoughts y'know. Its not true about the life flashing before your eyes thing. I kept seeing your face. But then you are my life so maybe its true." Arizona was staring into space, talking more to herself than to Callie "I am meant to feel violated. He violated me. But I don't feel it. It wasn't him. It was cold steel. It wasn't a part of him. I don't really feel anything towards him. Pity maybe. Pity that his life was so low he needed to act that way towards his daughter." Tears were running down Arizona's cheeks but she didn't feel them. She didn't even notice Callie had taken her hands and was kneeling at her feet crying with her. "How am I supposed to feel Callie? Am I supposed to be angry? Sad? I don't feel any of it. I don't feel. I don't understand what I'm meant to do with this whole thing. Whenever our friends look at me its with strange looks that I don't feel I deserve or need. I want to forget and leave everything behind. I look at these scars on my and I know where they came from but its like they don't belong to me. Its like they are Sasha's not mine. I'm left with her scars. I..."
Callie was drying her eyes with the towel now and an expression of determination was settling over her features. "He did violate you Arizona. It may not have been his physical body but it was an extension of him. I will never forgive him for that and for what he took. But if you want to move on. To forget then I will be beside you every step of the way. I'll never forget. I'm not you, I don't have your grace and compassion for people who are monsters. I promised once to give you everything your heart desired and if that is forgetting then I'll never mention it again. I'll make you forget. I promise I will." Arizona stared blankly at Callie. Hearing her feelings for Sasha's father flow so freely. It made forgetting no easier but Arizona was sure that when the sun rose in the morning, Callie would do everything in her power to grant Arizona's desire.
As they settled into bed, wrapped in one anothers arms they didn't speak. There were no more words to say in the darkness. Arizona hoped there would be nothing to say on it ever again. But the even the optimist in her couldn't swear that she would be free from the nightmares. Free from the looks or stories. They weren't just Sasha's scars on her. She wanted to believe that with more hope than she could bare but the scars ran right through her. Deep inside, not just on her skin.
Callie was still as Arizona closed her eyes and willed sleep to come. "I love you" met her ears and she nuzzled closer to Callie. Callie's love had saved her already and she knew as a haze sailed across her mind that it wouldn't be the last time that Callie's love would save her from the dark.
Tomorrow is a new day. A new me. Was her last thought as sleep took her peacefully for the first time in weeks.