Fuck this....
indecision u fucking bitch. Maybe things are gonna turn out much different then I thought.
ajroun21: hi
Basketball71188: Hey
ajroun21: read her journal
Basketball71188: ut oh y?
ajroun21: essentially she deiced to stop taking her meds
Basketball71188: I already knew that
ajroun21: oh lol
ajroun21: i dont know...kinda worries me some, i would have atleast kept some around
ajroun21: did she tell you what happened earlier when one of the other hers was out? like did she tell you what she did?
Basketball71188: no
Basketball71188: didn't get tiem to
ajroun21: its in the convo...but she ended up masturbating...or atleast the other her did
Basketball71188: *sighs*
ajroun21: why sigh?
Basketball71188: I don't wanna hear anymore
Basketball71188: just stop
ajroun21: ok
ajroun21: sorry
Basketball71188: Kitten [10:09 PM]: um. i really don\'t wanna say- but... lets say that if i were in that bet with u n\' Amanda, i would have lost.
Basketball71188: WTF is that suppose to mean
ajroun21: that what i just told you...she means the masturbation thing...she would have lost because the other side of her masturbated today
Basketball71188: nvm I read it wrong
Basketball71188: mk
ajroun21: oh ok
ajroun21: are you ok?
Basketball71188: she didn't listen to what I fucking said
Basketball71188: I said I didn't want her to take them in teh fucking future
Basketball71188: whe I was with her
Basketball71188: *sighs* I'm so fucking sick of all this
ajroun21: :-\ I wish i could help
Basketball71188: God maybe I should just date Rachel
ajroun21: :-(
ajroun21: I dont know what to tell you, I really dont...im just sorry you have to go through all of this
Basketball71188: don't say that
Basketball71188: I don't need or want pit
Basketball71188: I'm just sick of trying so damn hard
Basketball71188: It's not like I get the fucking benefits
Basketball71188: she's 30 fucking mins away
Basketball71188: I'm just sick of all this
Basketball71188: & I'm SICK & TIRED OF finding out shit from her damn journal
Basketball71188: I fucking talked to her
Basketball71188: after her walk
Basketball71188: she called
Basketball71188: said EVERYTHING WAS fine
ajroun21: yeah
ajroun21: -sigh-
Basketball71188: go back on ur meds. u mistunderstood what I said. u don't need this right now. neither of us do. meds previde a chemical balance that u can't do on ur own. *sighs* just go back on them. it'll be better that way. at least for now. & if I'm being the unhealthy g/f so be it damnitt. at least I still have u around.
Basketball71188: sound ok
ajroun21: yeah ti does
Basketball71188: ok
ajroun21: maybe she will listen to you....cause i would have said that to her like explained what the meds did...but i didnt think she would listen much then
Basketball71188: ::nods::
Basketball71188: I'm sick of it Adam
Basketball71188: all of it
ajroun21: I know
Basketball71188: I don't know how much more of all this shit I can take
Basketball71188: I will shut down & shut offr
Basketball71188: I know myself
Basketball71188: I'll start pushing her away
Basketball71188: it's coming soon
ajroun21: I know it is
ajroun21: Maybe she needs to do this now...I dont know...but I know if she does...she will probably lose you as a result of it...atleast for a while...i mean it is possible...she could actually get rid of the other personalities...or control them...but shes not nearly strong enough right now...and she has so little understanding of all of this...i mean she hardly understands how her mind is now
Basketball71188: u said she'll probably lose me
Basketball71188: for a whie @ least
Basketball71188: how do u lose someone for a while
Basketball71188: hoe long is that
Basketball71188: what if I don't come back
ajroun21: thats up to you really, but i thik if she does this and decided to completely go off the meds...i dont really think its something you can deal with right now...but when and if you come back is up to you...but it hink if you did leave it would prolly be a year or more, if you came back
Basketball71188: ::nods::
Basketball71188: It'd kill her u know that
ajroun21: how do you mean?
Basketball71188: that in itself would kill her
Basketball71188: me leaving
Basketball71188: *sighs*
ajroun21: it wont kill her...trust me...she will hurt, but she ill survive
ajroun21: I just...I tihnk when you are finally together and really get to see eachother all the time and everything...if thats how it happens...if thats what both of you chose...you will be different people then, like completely different.
Basketball71188: ::nods:: Yeah
Basketball71188: well I used to think she's the only one I could be with
Basketball71188: right now @ least
Basketball71188: still kinda od in a way
ajroun21: explain?
Basketball71188: I feel like essentually I've found my sould mate in a sence
Basketball71188: yet not
Basketball71188: God I don;t fucking know anymore
Basketball71188: AHHHH
Basketball71188: ::Pulls hair out::
ajroun21: *hugs* its ok
Basketball71188: But it's not
Basketball71188: do u realize how much shit I've been going thro with Rachel on this
ajroun21: no, but you could tell me lol..
Basketball71188: Just to possible actaully be able to date her
Basketball71188: no
Basketball71188: now*
Basketball71188: I mean....*sighs*
Basketball71188: Fuck it
Basketball71188: w/e happens happens
Basketball71188: I'm done fucking trying anymore
Basketball71188: Yeah
Basketball71188: maybe it was wrong
Basketball71188: that
Basketball71188: I started talking to Rachel
Basketball71188: @ least form a relationship point of view
Basketball71188: but damn
Basketball71188: she makes me happy
Basketball71188: & it killed me not to be able to
Basketball71188: say something to her the other night
Basketball71188: I love er
Basketball71188: her*
Basketball71188: I do
Basketball71188: HELL I LOVE BOTH OF THEM
Basketball71188: This sucks so fucking bad
Basketball71188: *Tries not to cry*
Basketball71188: But, Rachel understands
Basketball71188: understands not feeling
Basketball71188: She could handle me as a g/f I think
Basketball71188: well except the fact she's out all the time
Basketball71188: & well it'll be expensive
Basketball71188: I mean all the phone cards
Basketball71188: But...
Basketball71188: worth it right?!
ajroun21: you know i cant tell you that...
Basketball71188: ::Leans head against the wall::
Basketball71188: ::Bangs it & then punches the fucking wall::
Basketball71188: I'm sick of all this fucking shit
Basketball71188: Is this what u want love....
Basketball71188: IS IT
ajroun21: *warps his arms around you* I know its hard...really I do...I know it sucks I have been there when your inlove with 2 people...and yeah i dont know...
Basketball71188: I need to go to bed.
Basketball71188: I need to get away
Basketball71188: I'm thinking of calling Rachel
Basketball71188: but...
Basketball71188: she went to bed an hour ago
Basketball71188: I don't want to wake her
ajroun21: i doubt she would mind if you called
Basketball71188: but I think I deserve to tell her there's a chance right?
ajroun21: I dont know i mean thats up to you
Basketball71188: I wanna talk to her
Basketball71188: I wanted to from the moment she lef
Basketball71188: left* tonight
ajroun21: call her she wont mind
Basketball71188: she wansn't ok I knew that
Basketball71188: ::nods:: I'm gonna call her
Basketball71188: ok well I'm off
Basketball71188: *sigsh*
ajroun21: ok
Basketball71188: I'll talk to u later
Basketball71188: Bye
ajroun21: ok ttyl, love you, bye
Basketball71188: love u too
Yes this is personal. & yes it's fucking....Ah....I'm go'n got a phone call to make.
-ME
ajroun21: hi
Basketball71188: Hey
ajroun21: read her journal
Basketball71188: ut oh y?
ajroun21: essentially she deiced to stop taking her meds
Basketball71188: I already knew that
ajroun21: oh lol
ajroun21: i dont know...kinda worries me some, i would have atleast kept some around
ajroun21: did she tell you what happened earlier when one of the other hers was out? like did she tell you what she did?
Basketball71188: no
Basketball71188: didn't get tiem to
ajroun21: its in the convo...but she ended up masturbating...or atleast the other her did
Basketball71188: *sighs*
ajroun21: why sigh?
Basketball71188: I don't wanna hear anymore
Basketball71188: just stop
ajroun21: ok
ajroun21: sorry
Basketball71188: Kitten [10:09 PM]: um. i really don\'t wanna say- but... lets say that if i were in that bet with u n\' Amanda, i would have lost.
Basketball71188: WTF is that suppose to mean
ajroun21: that what i just told you...she means the masturbation thing...she would have lost because the other side of her masturbated today
Basketball71188: nvm I read it wrong
Basketball71188: mk
ajroun21: oh ok
ajroun21: are you ok?
Basketball71188: she didn't listen to what I fucking said
Basketball71188: I said I didn't want her to take them in teh fucking future
Basketball71188: whe I was with her
Basketball71188: *sighs* I'm so fucking sick of all this
ajroun21: :-\ I wish i could help
Basketball71188: God maybe I should just date Rachel
ajroun21: :-(
ajroun21: I dont know what to tell you, I really dont...im just sorry you have to go through all of this
Basketball71188: don't say that
Basketball71188: I don't need or want pit
Basketball71188: I'm just sick of trying so damn hard
Basketball71188: It's not like I get the fucking benefits
Basketball71188: she's 30 fucking mins away
Basketball71188: I'm just sick of all this
Basketball71188: & I'm SICK & TIRED OF finding out shit from her damn journal
Basketball71188: I fucking talked to her
Basketball71188: after her walk
Basketball71188: she called
Basketball71188: said EVERYTHING WAS fine
ajroun21: yeah
ajroun21: -sigh-
Basketball71188: go back on ur meds. u mistunderstood what I said. u don't need this right now. neither of us do. meds previde a chemical balance that u can't do on ur own. *sighs* just go back on them. it'll be better that way. at least for now. & if I'm being the unhealthy g/f so be it damnitt. at least I still have u around.
Basketball71188: sound ok
ajroun21: yeah ti does
Basketball71188: ok
ajroun21: maybe she will listen to you....cause i would have said that to her like explained what the meds did...but i didnt think she would listen much then
Basketball71188: ::nods::
Basketball71188: I'm sick of it Adam
Basketball71188: all of it
ajroun21: I know
Basketball71188: I don't know how much more of all this shit I can take
Basketball71188: I will shut down & shut offr
Basketball71188: I know myself
Basketball71188: I'll start pushing her away
Basketball71188: it's coming soon
ajroun21: I know it is
ajroun21: Maybe she needs to do this now...I dont know...but I know if she does...she will probably lose you as a result of it...atleast for a while...i mean it is possible...she could actually get rid of the other personalities...or control them...but shes not nearly strong enough right now...and she has so little understanding of all of this...i mean she hardly understands how her mind is now
Basketball71188: u said she'll probably lose me
Basketball71188: for a whie @ least
Basketball71188: how do u lose someone for a while
Basketball71188: hoe long is that
Basketball71188: what if I don't come back
ajroun21: thats up to you really, but i thik if she does this and decided to completely go off the meds...i dont really think its something you can deal with right now...but when and if you come back is up to you...but it hink if you did leave it would prolly be a year or more, if you came back
Basketball71188: ::nods::
Basketball71188: It'd kill her u know that
ajroun21: how do you mean?
Basketball71188: that in itself would kill her
Basketball71188: me leaving
Basketball71188: *sighs*
ajroun21: it wont kill her...trust me...she will hurt, but she ill survive
ajroun21: I just...I tihnk when you are finally together and really get to see eachother all the time and everything...if thats how it happens...if thats what both of you chose...you will be different people then, like completely different.
Basketball71188: ::nods:: Yeah
Basketball71188: well I used to think she's the only one I could be with
Basketball71188: right now @ least
Basketball71188: still kinda od in a way
ajroun21: explain?
Basketball71188: I feel like essentually I've found my sould mate in a sence
Basketball71188: yet not
Basketball71188: God I don;t fucking know anymore
Basketball71188: AHHHH
Basketball71188: ::Pulls hair out::
ajroun21: *hugs* its ok
Basketball71188: But it's not
Basketball71188: do u realize how much shit I've been going thro with Rachel on this
ajroun21: no, but you could tell me lol..
Basketball71188: Just to possible actaully be able to date her
Basketball71188: no
Basketball71188: now*
Basketball71188: I mean....*sighs*
Basketball71188: Fuck it
Basketball71188: w/e happens happens
Basketball71188: I'm done fucking trying anymore
Basketball71188: Yeah
Basketball71188: maybe it was wrong
Basketball71188: that
Basketball71188: I started talking to Rachel
Basketball71188: @ least form a relationship point of view
Basketball71188: but damn
Basketball71188: she makes me happy
Basketball71188: & it killed me not to be able to
Basketball71188: say something to her the other night
Basketball71188: I love er
Basketball71188: her*
Basketball71188: I do
Basketball71188: HELL I LOVE BOTH OF THEM
Basketball71188: This sucks so fucking bad
Basketball71188: *Tries not to cry*
Basketball71188: But, Rachel understands
Basketball71188: understands not feeling
Basketball71188: She could handle me as a g/f I think
Basketball71188: well except the fact she's out all the time
Basketball71188: & well it'll be expensive
Basketball71188: I mean all the phone cards
Basketball71188: But...
Basketball71188: worth it right?!
ajroun21: you know i cant tell you that...
Basketball71188: ::Leans head against the wall::
Basketball71188: ::Bangs it & then punches the fucking wall::
Basketball71188: I'm sick of all this fucking shit
Basketball71188: Is this what u want love....
Basketball71188: IS IT
ajroun21: *warps his arms around you* I know its hard...really I do...I know it sucks I have been there when your inlove with 2 people...and yeah i dont know...
Basketball71188: I need to go to bed.
Basketball71188: I need to get away
Basketball71188: I'm thinking of calling Rachel
Basketball71188: but...
Basketball71188: she went to bed an hour ago
Basketball71188: I don't want to wake her
ajroun21: i doubt she would mind if you called
Basketball71188: but I think I deserve to tell her there's a chance right?
ajroun21: I dont know i mean thats up to you
Basketball71188: I wanna talk to her
Basketball71188: I wanted to from the moment she lef
Basketball71188: left* tonight
ajroun21: call her she wont mind
Basketball71188: she wansn't ok I knew that
Basketball71188: ::nods:: I'm gonna call her
Basketball71188: ok well I'm off
Basketball71188: *sigsh*
ajroun21: ok
Basketball71188: I'll talk to u later
Basketball71188: Bye
ajroun21: ok ttyl, love you, bye
Basketball71188: love u too
Yes this is personal. & yes it's fucking....Ah....I'm go'n got a phone call to make.
-ME