the narrations of my life.
yesterday was slightly unorthodox. instead of being in my office for 8 hours straight, i was running around all over frederick, getting stuff done for 158 threadz [my cousin's t-shirt design company]. that took over my morning, and after meeting up with shawn for lunch, i stopped at the bank -- where everyone knows me by name due to the fact that i'm in there almost every freaking day -- worked for another couple hours, and then immediately crashed into the classic "i need a nap NOW" state. so i quietly excused myself from the office, went home, read some of the last chapters of Dreams From My Father [Barack Obama - AMAZING], and slept until 6:30. Steffani, Angela, and Nattybo came over about twenty minutes later and Shawn, whether strategically or otherwise, had ordered pizza that arrived exactly the same time as they did. we ate a gourmet meal of JR's pizza and watermelon, smoked cigarettes on the back deck, and commended Steff on how quickly she's recovering. after her mom picked her up at 9:00, the four of us smoked in my bathroom.
it was after that when everything became suddenly like a storybook, and shawn and myself became the two main characters. i set the scene in my mind, narrating it all in my head. i kinda wish i had been writing it down, because it would have been a good ten pages, at least, of our lives that night, in full detail, from my perspective.
that's when i knew that shawn will always love me more than i do him.
and the thing is, knowing that doesn't change anything. it breaks my heart a little, but now, inside, i know the truth.
and i'm okay with it.