you put this haunt on me.

[i_willremember]

i have finally realized that i need to allow myself to grieve. and i really do think that "grieve" is the correct word for it. when someone is such a huge part of your life for the better part of a year and then suddenly they're gone...its a major transition. and i'd surrounded myself with good friends, good people for two weeks. now my emotions are bottled up and about to explode, and im constantly on the verge of tears. so i figured it would probably be best to take a few days and let myself be sad -- let myself grieve, and acknowledge my reality.
i know i will be okay in time. im just sad we had to end this way, with no real closure. it makes things very difficult. but i know that this is hard for him, too. it just needs time. everything just needs time to work itself out. my only frustration is that he wont even talk to me. it makes me so incredibly sad to not even be able to get in touch with him anymore. i know he wants to wait it out, i know he needs time, too. but this silence is terrible. it leaves me so numb and disconnected. i just want everything to be normal. i want him to come over and hang out. i want us to be okay. everything is so hard for me to stomach right now.

sorry if you read all of this in disappointment or annoyance. i just needed to ramble.
nighty.