i am stronger than you think i am.
i guess what hurt the most was the fact that seeing him was so wonderful. it wasnt awkward like i thought it would be. he made me feel good, like he always has. i hardly noticed any change in our demeanor. then we sat outside for a while and talked. the subject of our relationship eventually and obviously came up, and i honestly didnt even know what to expect out of him. im not even exactly clear on where i stand, because he says i need to get over it, but THEN proceeds to say that we'll have time to "think and figure things out".
i am not in any way angry at him. i have nothing negative to say about him.
and i think thats the hardest part of all.
the fact that i still love him. i still want to be with him.
and he's okay with just hanging out and being friends.
he hugged me. i really just wanted to get in my car and drive home, but he intervened.
he hugged me. and i knew it would be hard for me to pull away.
i tried. and he didnt let go of me. so i stayed.
i got into my car, and as soon as he turned the corner, i cried until i just couldnt breathe.
i cried all the way home.
i felt my heart rip apart.
i felt my world turn upside down.
i cried. and i am so glad i didnt let him see me do it.
i am not in any way angry at him. i have nothing negative to say about him.
and i think thats the hardest part of all.
the fact that i still love him. i still want to be with him.
and he's okay with just hanging out and being friends.
he hugged me. i really just wanted to get in my car and drive home, but he intervened.
he hugged me. and i knew it would be hard for me to pull away.
i tried. and he didnt let go of me. so i stayed.
i got into my car, and as soon as he turned the corner, i cried until i just couldnt breathe.
i cried all the way home.
i felt my heart rip apart.
i felt my world turn upside down.
i cried. and i am so glad i didnt let him see me do it.