lets just hope that is enough..
huh. okay. so i dont even know where to begin.
Everything has gone to hell.
last night matthew decided he wants to go on a break. he's "too busy" for me [which is true] and wants me to be happy. he said all this while i sat there sobbing my fucking eyes out at the reality of being without him. its just not fair. he wants me to be "happy", but im much MUCH happier with him than without. and all the while im imagining him realizing how happy he is to be without me, which means he'll never speak to me again.
wonderful.
on top of that, i OD'd yesterday for about 8 hours, blowing off work and passing out multiple times in hopes that i would never wake up. its all just too much for me to handle. something is seriously fucked up in my brain.
i went to the doctor today. they upped my Lexapro from 10mg to 20mg. maybe that will do SOMETHING for me. on top of that im going to a shrink really soon. mom's insisting on it and im not opposed.
+sigh+ i want my matthew.
Everything has gone to hell.
last night matthew decided he wants to go on a break. he's "too busy" for me [which is true] and wants me to be happy. he said all this while i sat there sobbing my fucking eyes out at the reality of being without him. its just not fair. he wants me to be "happy", but im much MUCH happier with him than without. and all the while im imagining him realizing how happy he is to be without me, which means he'll never speak to me again.
wonderful.
on top of that, i OD'd yesterday for about 8 hours, blowing off work and passing out multiple times in hopes that i would never wake up. its all just too much for me to handle. something is seriously fucked up in my brain.
i went to the doctor today. they upped my Lexapro from 10mg to 20mg. maybe that will do SOMETHING for me. on top of that im going to a shrink really soon. mom's insisting on it and im not opposed.
+sigh+ i want my matthew.