Dear Juliet,
How could I ever think I could have ended up like you?
Why do I continue to disappoint myself by ignoring my instincts?
Is this my eternal fate? This emotion I feel right now. This one that continues to haunt me anywhere I go?
Why am I like this?
Sometimes I feel like pain is my only reliable companion.
There is nothing left that feels like a dream. No more light at the end of the tunnel. It is all just one dark nightmare.
It took me 2 years to create this shield. It was full-proof. I knew I could always trust in it. It doesn't matter who it was or what they did, but in the end I always knew someone would break it. I can't decide which part of me to follow: the smart part or the stupid part. I have so much more fun when I am stupid but it makes me paranoid. I feel more confident and unstoppable when I am smart, but then I often long to be stupid.
Teach me how to be!
On July 1st, I met the love of my life. He was just out of love himself. My truest love. I know that he was the one and that he was right for me. I was smart! I tried to stay smart. But my love for him made me stupid. It dulled me. Somehow, one day I gave into that love. And I became stupid. I let my stupidity grow and lead me. It led me to stupider and stupider decisions. But, oh, was I ever happy.
Then soon my stupidity made me obsessive. I became paranoid. I began to lose trust. I felt all these emotions but I ignored them. I wanted to feel smart. I knew my love had gone back to her. I knew I shouldn't move to be with him. I KNEW IT ALL SO WELL!!! Yet I ignored it.
Now my heart is broken and I am lost. I don't know what to feel or who to trust.
I have no one to turn to.
Help.
-What's left of Teila.
Why do I continue to disappoint myself by ignoring my instincts?
Is this my eternal fate? This emotion I feel right now. This one that continues to haunt me anywhere I go?
Why am I like this?
Sometimes I feel like pain is my only reliable companion.
There is nothing left that feels like a dream. No more light at the end of the tunnel. It is all just one dark nightmare.
It took me 2 years to create this shield. It was full-proof. I knew I could always trust in it. It doesn't matter who it was or what they did, but in the end I always knew someone would break it. I can't decide which part of me to follow: the smart part or the stupid part. I have so much more fun when I am stupid but it makes me paranoid. I feel more confident and unstoppable when I am smart, but then I often long to be stupid.
Teach me how to be!
On July 1st, I met the love of my life. He was just out of love himself. My truest love. I know that he was the one and that he was right for me. I was smart! I tried to stay smart. But my love for him made me stupid. It dulled me. Somehow, one day I gave into that love. And I became stupid. I let my stupidity grow and lead me. It led me to stupider and stupider decisions. But, oh, was I ever happy.
Then soon my stupidity made me obsessive. I became paranoid. I began to lose trust. I felt all these emotions but I ignored them. I wanted to feel smart. I knew my love had gone back to her. I knew I shouldn't move to be with him. I KNEW IT ALL SO WELL!!! Yet I ignored it.
Now my heart is broken and I am lost. I don't know what to feel or who to trust.
I have no one to turn to.
Help.
-What's left of Teila.