(no subject)
i just dont get it. its like i have no control over who i am anymore.i said i was going to change... but so far i have only made myself worse. i flip out on the only people who rly seem to care about me and then i feel like a complete jackass. my dad just doesnt want me to be the least bit happy and now i have to pack up all my shit and move. sometimes i just wanna pack my bags and run. i dont know where i would go and chances are i would never even have the courage to make it out of brandon. does this hapen to everyone? my mom keeps asking me if im on drugs. haha.. she knows im not but she also knows somethings not right.i wish i knew something to tell her. thanks to the people who rly do want me to be happy and will put up with my complete bullshit all the time. ally im a jackass... dont take nething i say to heart. i was mad at my dad and i took it out on you and that was wrong. im sorry.kelsey you always understand me and that rly hepls. kelli well your not afraid to tell me what a complete dumbass i can be. and this year has been my learning year, 2004... is in the past.2005 is hopefully when i will make my recovery.i dont know. i want to go back to swimming so bad. but im afraid it will just be something else for me and my dad to figh about. or it will just prove what a loser i rly am. and i would rather not know that.for now ill try to be myself again. and to anyone... if i flip out on you its not your fault. im just a bitch!