(no subject)

[i_think_2_much]

Sometimes i fight so hard for and against so many things for no apparant reason at all, in the same way that i am afraid of things that i create. i have this fear that i mean practically nothing to certain people that i love, or worse, that i somehow give them the impression that they mean practically nothing to me. i want to love perfectly, be loved perfectly, set goals and accomplish them efficiently, make money, reach "the best years of my life" and live them to the fullest, take risks that have zero possibility of me risking something, and i want to be able to sit in silence and not be overcome by paralyzing fears of death and disease, of not being able to handle responsibility, of pushing away and/or growing apart from those that i love. sometimes i want things that are impossible to have.
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but
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i decided today that i am going to do my best to not be so afraid of so many things. i am going to give myself more possibilities for what i can do with my life and my time and what i am capable of achieving. i am going to try to not be so passive. and i am going to love the heck out of people.