june... june june june...
so what is there to say about june? it's already the 23rd. i thought i was going to be able to make it seven more days. it was almost too good to be true. ALMOST. nothing too bad happened the first 23 days... nothing ever does. i think i let my guard down too qiuckly. and now i'm paying the price. i wish i could die on may 31st and and be born again on july 1st. i have not felt this empty in... well... a long time. i feel so sick to my stomach. i want to burst into tears but my anger and frustration is holding me back. the pain is so overwhelming that it steals the air from my lungs, drains the blood from my heart, and destroys the thoughts in my brain. why can't i ever have a break. a year can never be normal for me anymore. i panic when life is good because i'm expecting the worse because i know it is coming. i'm looking up at the sky and telling him "just fucking kill me"
i don't think i will ever be the same.