.another.day.on.the.verge.of.tears.
::sign: I just feel so useless and depressed.I dont know y Im letting things get so deep under my skin.Im just breaking down.I tell myself oh I dont need anyone Im fine on my own Im wrong But no one will ever want me, they want the best for themselves and thats obviously not meI should talk to people about stuff instead of keeping it in,theres not point, no ones cares about what I feel, y would they? Its just me No Im not looking for no attention or sympathy Im just sick of the way Im feeling.Y do I care so much and y do I dream about people and things that will never come true?I sicking myself.My self esteem has just about had it.Fuck it I dont have a self esteem anymore, its been torn down and twisted.No one is the problem,theres nothing wrong with society the problem is me I am the cause of problems.I make myself feeling this way, though its not todally my fault how I am.Theres still sum things I need to figure out about myself.I treat myself like complete shit cuz I dont know how I should be treated,I dont know whats good for me.No one knows whats good for me, Its perfectly clear I will never have a boyfriend Im too ugly Im just useless,Im fat, though I have been dieting/fasting and for sum fucken stupid ass reason I found sum "dieting" pills which I should not be taking cuz they can do permanant damage "so it says"I dont care, anything to chance my appearance and to change how I look cuz mayb it will make me feel better about myself if I dont look like myself.Er I cant do this anymore, hence the reasons I result to not eating I guess its true that I do have an eating disorder? I drink cuz it makes me feel good, though I think it does, and I smoke again.I stopped for a while cuz supposedly I have sumthing wrong with me that forbids me not to smoke or be around it,people told me I was full of shit for believing it, I hope they r right cuz rite now I dont seem a problem with me dying and leaving this horrid place.Good to know if I ever need any sort of noticement all I have to do is die.Not that people would care, eventually people would go back to their lives.hmmf I think Im done I really have no idea what I have just cited. I dont care what I wrote I needed to get it out I care who reads this, I mostly likely dont care about sum of the comments that may follow this.I just want to cry, choke someoone to death, slit someone or sumthing and just get fuct up as all hell this weekend. Yes, thats it....no more worries...