Dear Captain Sparrow (part 3)
Chapter 3: Correspondence, actually more like banter, between Norrington and Jack about Sparrington. Not slash. Supposed to entertain Sparrington lovers, haters, or in between.
Disclaimer: Still do not own POTC.
Thanks to jinxeh13 for beta-reading it for me!
Sparrow,
Before you insist on adding “Captain”, let me tell you that you are as bad as Beckett. He keeps asking everyone to address him as “Lord”, and then reminding me of your insistence on being called “Captain”. You’re not related to Beckett, are you?
I never asked people to address me as “Commodore” when I was a commodore, and I even corrected people who addressed me as “Commodore” when I wasn’t a commodore. That means we are exactly the opposite, aren’t we?
Now, I’ll get to my point. Would you please stop saying things such as, “I’m rooting for you”, or, “I knew you’d warm up to me”? These sentences have caused so many Sparrington inspired fanfictions and drawings…I don’t dare to count the precise number, because there are so many of them. In case you don’t know what Sparrington is, it’s our last names combined together, which suggests that we have some relationship, or…er…how do I put this? Well…it means that we are related romantically. That is simply atrocious! First of all, I like women. I thought my proposal, sacrifice, subtle hints and gestures, and dedication to Elizabeth might have proven this, but I suppose not. I love Elizabeth. Even if I liked men, I wouldn’t choose you as my partner. No offense, but I’d prefer someone who wasn’t a pirate, and who was more reliable. I hope this will clear up any misunderstanding.
PS: Don’t blame me for taking the heart, by the way. I was simply written out-of-character! If I were to behave like I did in the Curse of the Black Pearl, I would not have done it at all. Blame the screen-writers. However, I should also point out that you commandeered my Interceptor, and caused me to lose my commission in the first place, so you cannot really blame me.
Sincerely yours (though not in the sense that the slashers think),
James Norrington
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Dear Jamie,
Wow, you need to relax. You are way too tense…and slightly paranoid. I think you need some rum.
In answer to your first question, I am not related to Beckett. To borrow your words, “that is simply atrocious”. I think he just wants to copy me when he asks certain people to call him by his title. I always knew that he envied me. By the way, I am indeed a captain; I even employed you…albeit after being threatened.
No comment about us being opposites. It’s your fault anyway, since you don’t insist on people calling you “Commodore”.
For your information, I do know what Sparrington means. I haven’t been living under a rock, you know. Inside the Kraken, perhaps, but we still get some news here. I exchange gossip with other sailors inside the Kraken. Life would be so boring without it. I always wondered, though, why, for slash, they liked to use last names, but for celebrities they always used the first names. I hear a lot about Tomkat, Brangelina, and Bennifer. Anyway, I digress…
I’m answering your “question” now. First, marriage does not prove that someone is straight. Have you not watched Brokeback Mountain, or V for Vendetta? Being married, or having a girlfriend, may just be a cover-up. In fact, that’s what I’ve told Will “Eunuchy” Turner; that planning to get married would seem like a cover-up for being a eunuch. That’s why I don’t feel the need to get married; I don’t need the cover-up for anything. Please, don’t get me wrong, I am not accusing you of being gay, I’m merely stating the facts!
Secondly, please give the fanfic writers a break. I’ve suffered though enough Mary Sues; I wouldn’t mind someone else less horrible. Hey, I never said I was rooting for Will, but I still see some slash stories about him and me. I’ve even seen some between me and Bootstrap Bill, or between me and Beckett (eek). I must admit that for slash, Sparrington seems to be the most popular. I don’t much mind Sparrabeth, or Jack/Elizabeth (J/E), although I believe Will/Elizabeth shippers might hunt me down because of that comment. Hmm…I’m also wondering now, why for non-slash they don’t use last names…
How about you? Do you prefer Swannington, Gillington, Grovington, Beckington, or Turnerington rather than me? Is it because I’m less “reliable”? I even see some Whorrington, around; it’s not slash, but I’m not so sure if you’d like it. I bet you’d like Norribeth, or Norrington/Elizabeth, but unfortunately, there aren’t too many of them out there. My point is, if there is ever a point in my words, people will write whatever they want, and it isn’t because of what I said, but because that’s what they want to do. This has been proven by so many slash pairings out there, even if the characters never say they’re rooting for or warming up to the other person. Any decent-looking character tends to get paired with another decent-looking character, despite their genders. Hey, they do that even for the ones that aren’t decent-looking! I must admit that both of us are very attractive, so I can see the appeal for the writers out there. I would prefer a fictional pairing with you any day, rather than Mary-Sues. At least I can always tease you, but it’s impossible for those Sues. I did mention “fictional pairing” there, so don’t get me wrong.
You can see that, like always, I’m only an innocent bystander!
PS: I don’t blame you for that, would have done the same thing, myself. Pirate.
Still rooting for you,
Captain Jack Sparrow
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Captain’s Note: I don’t know what’s been happening to me lately, but don’t you see that people tend to blame me for all the problems that they’re having? Do they think I’m their personal problem-maker? Luckily, I’m having the last words here because I’m very sure Norrie will come up with something else, given the chance.
I do hope that I will get some “better” letters in the future.
I neither endorse nor condemn slash; you can do whatever you want as long as I have my rum, so do not flame me for supporting or not supporting slash.
Disclaimer: Still do not own POTC.
Thanks to jinxeh13 for beta-reading it for me!
Sparrow,
Before you insist on adding “Captain”, let me tell you that you are as bad as Beckett. He keeps asking everyone to address him as “Lord”, and then reminding me of your insistence on being called “Captain”. You’re not related to Beckett, are you?
I never asked people to address me as “Commodore” when I was a commodore, and I even corrected people who addressed me as “Commodore” when I wasn’t a commodore. That means we are exactly the opposite, aren’t we?
Now, I’ll get to my point. Would you please stop saying things such as, “I’m rooting for you”, or, “I knew you’d warm up to me”? These sentences have caused so many Sparrington inspired fanfictions and drawings…I don’t dare to count the precise number, because there are so many of them. In case you don’t know what Sparrington is, it’s our last names combined together, which suggests that we have some relationship, or…er…how do I put this? Well…it means that we are related romantically. That is simply atrocious! First of all, I like women. I thought my proposal, sacrifice, subtle hints and gestures, and dedication to Elizabeth might have proven this, but I suppose not. I love Elizabeth. Even if I liked men, I wouldn’t choose you as my partner. No offense, but I’d prefer someone who wasn’t a pirate, and who was more reliable. I hope this will clear up any misunderstanding.
PS: Don’t blame me for taking the heart, by the way. I was simply written out-of-character! If I were to behave like I did in the Curse of the Black Pearl, I would not have done it at all. Blame the screen-writers. However, I should also point out that you commandeered my Interceptor, and caused me to lose my commission in the first place, so you cannot really blame me.
Sincerely yours (though not in the sense that the slashers think),
James Norrington
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Jamie,
Wow, you need to relax. You are way too tense…and slightly paranoid. I think you need some rum.
In answer to your first question, I am not related to Beckett. To borrow your words, “that is simply atrocious”. I think he just wants to copy me when he asks certain people to call him by his title. I always knew that he envied me. By the way, I am indeed a captain; I even employed you…albeit after being threatened.
No comment about us being opposites. It’s your fault anyway, since you don’t insist on people calling you “Commodore”.
For your information, I do know what Sparrington means. I haven’t been living under a rock, you know. Inside the Kraken, perhaps, but we still get some news here. I exchange gossip with other sailors inside the Kraken. Life would be so boring without it. I always wondered, though, why, for slash, they liked to use last names, but for celebrities they always used the first names. I hear a lot about Tomkat, Brangelina, and Bennifer. Anyway, I digress…
I’m answering your “question” now. First, marriage does not prove that someone is straight. Have you not watched Brokeback Mountain, or V for Vendetta? Being married, or having a girlfriend, may just be a cover-up. In fact, that’s what I’ve told Will “Eunuchy” Turner; that planning to get married would seem like a cover-up for being a eunuch. That’s why I don’t feel the need to get married; I don’t need the cover-up for anything. Please, don’t get me wrong, I am not accusing you of being gay, I’m merely stating the facts!
Secondly, please give the fanfic writers a break. I’ve suffered though enough Mary Sues; I wouldn’t mind someone else less horrible. Hey, I never said I was rooting for Will, but I still see some slash stories about him and me. I’ve even seen some between me and Bootstrap Bill, or between me and Beckett (eek). I must admit that for slash, Sparrington seems to be the most popular. I don’t much mind Sparrabeth, or Jack/Elizabeth (J/E), although I believe Will/Elizabeth shippers might hunt me down because of that comment. Hmm…I’m also wondering now, why for non-slash they don’t use last names…
How about you? Do you prefer Swannington, Gillington, Grovington, Beckington, or Turnerington rather than me? Is it because I’m less “reliable”? I even see some Whorrington, around; it’s not slash, but I’m not so sure if you’d like it. I bet you’d like Norribeth, or Norrington/Elizabeth, but unfortunately, there aren’t too many of them out there. My point is, if there is ever a point in my words, people will write whatever they want, and it isn’t because of what I said, but because that’s what they want to do. This has been proven by so many slash pairings out there, even if the characters never say they’re rooting for or warming up to the other person. Any decent-looking character tends to get paired with another decent-looking character, despite their genders. Hey, they do that even for the ones that aren’t decent-looking! I must admit that both of us are very attractive, so I can see the appeal for the writers out there. I would prefer a fictional pairing with you any day, rather than Mary-Sues. At least I can always tease you, but it’s impossible for those Sues. I did mention “fictional pairing” there, so don’t get me wrong.
You can see that, like always, I’m only an innocent bystander!
PS: I don’t blame you for that, would have done the same thing, myself. Pirate.
Still rooting for you,
Captain Jack Sparrow
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Captain’s Note: I don’t know what’s been happening to me lately, but don’t you see that people tend to blame me for all the problems that they’re having? Do they think I’m their personal problem-maker? Luckily, I’m having the last words here because I’m very sure Norrie will come up with something else, given the chance.
I do hope that I will get some “better” letters in the future.
I neither endorse nor condemn slash; you can do whatever you want as long as I have my rum, so do not flame me for supporting or not supporting slash.