Meta: Guilt and Shame, Dean Winchester Style

[i_speak_tongue]

I read some meta the other day that attempted to explain away Sam and Dean’s differences by claiming that Dean feels guilt, which is healthy, while Sam feels shame, which isn’t. As if these two things don’t go together like PB and J. As if the levels of guilt that Dean feels can be considered healthy at all. Anyway, instead of critiquing that

Comments

[borgmama1of5]

I was going to copy the lines in this that were brilliantly stated and then realized I was going to end up quoting the entire piece...

You've nailed the source of Dean's guilt but more importantly you see how it became necessary to his emotional survival even as it cripples him:
By accepting the guilt when things went sideways, young Dean took control of an otherwise terrifying situation...And you clearly explain the difference between guilt and shame, both of which are at work taking Dean down right now

[ramblin_rosie]

Of course the way the situation is right now, that clarity seems like it may never happen...

And it breaks my heart. Poor Dean.

Spot on analysis, i_speak_tongue. As borgmama1of5 said, you've absolutely nailed it.

[i_speak_tongue]

Thank you!

[i_speak_tongue]

Thank you so much! You know the one thing that keeps me hooked on Spn is Dean's characterization. At this point, I'm pretty sure I know Dean better than I know myself! Ha!

And yeah, things are looking mighty bleak. Although I'm holding out hope for season 10.

[dreamsofspike]

This is so well-stated, very true, the way you've outlined the specific influences of Dean's guilt versus his shame.

I think in Dream a Little Dream of Me we got just a *moment* when Dean was close to acknowledging that the weight of responsibility he bears wasn't his at all, that his father put his own crap on Dean... and if it hadn't been for what happened in hell, then MAYBE Dean could have progressed from that point.

But any progress he'd made in that episode is undone when he is forced to torture, and subsequently just overwhelmed with guilt. :(

Love everything about this post, thanks so much for making it :)

[i_speak_tongue]

Thanks very much! And yes, that moment in DaLDoM was so key. Obviously, deep down, Dean knows that John screwed him up in a major way. Deep.... deeeeeep down.

[herdrakness]

Brilliantly thought out. Dean's inherent guilt/shame is an intrinsic part of his character, and something which saddens me deeply.

[i_speak_tongue]

Me too :(
Thanks so much!

[biketest]

Great meta, thanks for writing it - I tried to explain some of these things on a comment in the original meta but this really says it all a lot better. :) I especially love the end about how shame is what Dean's feeling in s9. Saying "I'm poison" is a pretty good articulation of that he thinks it's something inherently wrong with him.

[i_speak_tongue]

I read your comment, and thought it was great! I'm glad you liked this. Dean's guilt gets talked about a lot, I think because he talks about it. But shame is one of those more private, lurking emotions, so it's not quite as obvious. I'm actually glad that meta was posted because it really inspired me to think about this more deeply!

[anonymous]

I followed a link from tumblr to both the original and your post. Thank you for posting this. I completely agree with you. I actually read an article a few weeks ago which was similar to the one the original post had referenced. It was also a comparison of guilt and shame, and I came to the complete opposite conclusion to that post - that what Dean felt was shame, and Sam felt guilt - particularly this season. Some of Dean's reactions this season fit perfectly with shame-driven behaviours (defensiveness, avoidance/withdrawal, even his refusal to apologize). It is a defining trait for Dean to take on too much responsibility, and internalize failure to achieve specific goals with being a failure as a person - and it was very surprising for me to read how completely differently some other fans might have interpreted his character