Thirty-Eighth Theory [Action]

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[Before Don goes out this morning, he leaves a note on the kitchen table.]

GONE TO THE SMITHY.
BACK TONIGHT.[Two days ago he was angry with his brothers for being overprotective, but today everything is different. He genuinely wants them to know where he is, because they've all just been reminded how suddenly a person can vanish

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["In a few days, if you still feel anything, or... or still want to be friends... Call me on the journals." Robert had been obsessing over that for the past two days. Combined with the shock of a recent draft and the pain of knowing Helios was kidnapped, having unspeakably atrocious things done to him by the Malnosso most likely, Robert had hardly been able to do anything other than cry. And drink. For the first time since he'd gone to Luceti.

He was a bit of a mess today. But two days... that counted as "a few", right? Was it too soon? Was he just making an even bigger fool of himself? Robert didn't know... But he knew he needed to speak to Donatello. Because even a heavy alcohol binge while he was holed up in his room crying hadn't erased the feelings. Even hating himself for having them hadn't erased them. Even trying to suppress them as usual by methodically cleaning, cooking, writing, anything other than dwelling on it - it hadn't worked.

Perhaps, subconsciously or otherwise, Robert didn't want it to work. Maybe, for once in his life, he wanted to try. Luceti was insane enough. Maybe it was making him go insane too.

So he opens his journal, head still mildly aching from the aftereffects of the hangover he's nursing, and hits the "Call" button for Donatello's journal. He even musters up his best filter so far - if this call goes as terribly as he thinks it might, it's better to keep it quiet.

Donatello might hear his journal ringing. If he does pick up, he'll hear the following sad, strained little voice, full of a mess of emotions, most of them bad.]

... D-Donatello... May we talk?

Because... the feelings... are still there.

I-I... I apologize. [Robert knows because he's an emotional failure Donatello hates him for them. Mostly he just wishes they would go away and stop ruining the few friendships he managed to make.]

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[It takes Don a few minutes to realize someone is calling him, and when he does, he assumes it's Raph or Leo, furious and waiting to order him home. He sighs and turns away from the deafening blast of the forge.]

[But when he picks up the journal, it isn't Raph or Leo's face in the window. It's Robert, looking anywhere but at the camera and mumbling into his lapels.]

[Don can't make out a word he's saying.]

Robert...? Hold on...

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[He turns back to the forge, taking his time to bank up the fire and make sure it's safe to leave alone for a while. He needs these minutes to think. He wasn't expecting Robert to call so soon (he wasn't expecting him to call at all), and he isn't sure yet what he wants to say.]

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[When the fire is safely banked in the back of the furnace, Don turns away from the noisy machinery, scoops up his journal, and heads into the slightly-quieter other room. One more moment, and he looks down at the book.]

Yes?

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[That moment where Donatello puts the journal down kind of makes Robert's stomach flip and scrunch in on itself from anxiety. The decision to actually call the turtle hadn't been an easy one to make, and the delay was just making him even more poignantly aware of how uncomfortable he was.

But this would be the worst possible moment to run. Not that Robert hadn't run at the worst possible moment before - but he willed himself this time to stay. To... to face up to this. It was for Donatello's sake, and for the vague little hope that maybe Donatello wouldn't hate him for this.

Still, his first response is a question.]

I-I... d-did I call at a bad time? I apologize, I didn't... [Okay, he was babbling and that had to stop. Robert forces himself to calm down a little. Just a little. His voice is still shaky, quiet; maybe it's obvious how little he slept last night, he doesn't know.]

... I... You told me that... that if I still h-had feelings, to call you. In a few days. [He doesn't know if this is "a few" but...]

... and, e-er, this particular... situation's outcome has yet to change. [Robert's voice hitches a bit, almost breaks from anxiety. He can't help how he rambles a little, in a stuttery broken sort of way, that distracted way that he has when he isn't sure exactly what to say and tries to sound like he does regardless.]

I realize that you, er, p-probably don't... don't want to deal with me again right now and you have b-better things to do and surely you a-aren't interested in that - you probably don't even like humans anyway like that and it's likely much too soon, we barely know each other and...

[Robert falls silent, his cheeks burning. He kind of writhes in place.]

I... Gah. I... I just apologize for all of this. T-Terribly ridiculous of m-me.

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[Don listens silently while Robert rambles. At the end of it, he's still not sure he understands.]

Robert... what kind of feelings do you have for me?

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[... He doesn't know?

Robert blinks, taken totally by surprise by that.]

W-Well. Er.

... Romantic ones. A-And just, general positive feelings... I, er, wouldn't want you to misinterpret that as... u-um, as me being shallow or... [Robert stumbles over his own sentence and clams up again.

He forces himself to breathe.]

... I-I understand if, if that makes you angry. I... I just... I just wanted to... ... to let you kn-know that I won't... I won't allow these to influence our... our d-dealings. I... [Robert wants to admit that he's scared. It would've been so much easier to, only a few days ago - to just pour that emotion out at his feet. And in a way that's terrifying; that something so fundamentally terrifying was so easy a little while ago.]

... m-mostly I wanted to... wanted to see if you could still... t-tolerate me.

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[Tolerate you? He can't stop thinking about you. But he doesn't know what to think about what you just said.]

You're - really interested in me that way?

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[A sentence like that calls for a ubiquitous answer.

Robert can never give one.]

Y-Yes.

... N-Not that it sh-should mean anything... untoward, of course... certainly you shouldn't h-have to pay any a-attention to it whatsoever if you d-don't wish to a-and...

[Robert clamps down on the urge to ramble on and on. He's actually panting a little from fear.]

Ah... I-I... I'm s-sorry, Donatello. You... You hardly need this, this nuisance from me.

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[His mind is spinning from what this might mean. He's afraid to accept it, but he finds he's even more afraid to let it go.]

Robert, I - I don't know if I can. But - I could really use a friend right now.

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[That hurts, but Robert was totally expecting it.]

N-no, it's fine. It's... that's perfectly acceptable. I'm m-more than amicable to the prospect of being... being your friend.

[It's okay if it never goes beyond that. It's just some stupid crush, probably. A stupid crush he should not be having on a person that probably doesn't want anything to do with it.]

I-In fact, that... that was more than I had expected... [And that is true. At least... at least Donatello doesn't hate him.]

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I have to go finish something now, but I'm glad you called. Can we talk again soon?

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Ah, yes. Certainly.

I don't want to... k-keep you. [Robert has a lot to think about now. And cry about, perhaps. That rejection is stinging, cutting deep in a way that he hoped it wouldn't...

But the fact that Donatello hasn't totally rejected him is reassuring, to an extent. And it's why Robert doesn't feel as terrible as he thought he would.

Plus Donatello wants to talk again.]

... Please, call me whenever y-you'd like. I'm, er, usually not particularly invested in anything. [A lie, especially right now, but Robert really does want Donatello to talk to him again.]

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I'll come by when I can. [And before he turns back to the noise of the smithy -] Thank you.