Cigarettes Are Awesome
Living in Portland alone is still hell of lame. I'm okay with it simply for the fact that I have a car that functions and so far as I don't get another flat tire when I go down to Eugene again, I'll be even more okay living in Portland alone. As that means, I don't have to fear for my life do to my wheels being all out of whack and my car steering as though... well... as though I had no control over it. WHICH IS LAME WHEN YOU LIKE DRIVING AT 80 MILES PER HOUR AND YOU'RE ALL LIKE OH SHIT A SEMI OH NO SHIT!
But seriously man, the car I have, it doesn't even like going near the speed limit. I'm trolling down the high way at 65 and the car just kind of whispers "C'mon man. Drive me faster. I'm an awesome car. Don't you feel cool? You wanna be cool, right?" And then all of a sudden, I'm going 80. GOD DAMN CAR AND IT'S PRESSURE. Shit man, I'm just procrastinating. I don't have anything interesting to say right now.
SAVE FOR MY VERY OWN CONSPIRACY THEORY I THOUGHT OF WHILE GETTING LECTURED AT IN MY BULLSHIT CONSPIRACY THEORY CLASS.
I have called it the "Lone X-Wing Theory" and it's about JFK. Even though an X-Wing has nothing to do with the theory. It goes as such.
What happens is, some aliens teleport onto the grassy knoll. This accounts for the first shot fired which "supposedly missed." See, when aliens teleport, they make sounds like gun shots. The sound of the teleportation tricked everyone into thinking that a shot was fired from the Book Depository, as the sound would echo across Dealey Plaza. The teleportation also accounts for the clouds of smoke seen drifting from the Grassy Knoll. Actually, no. This was due to their teleportation away from the scene. ANYWAY. So what happens is, is these aliens have uber powerful mind powers. And they use these mind powers to concentrate REALLY HARD to blow up JFK's head. This is why, you know. His head blew up. But before that, they fired an ultra advanced tiny missile from a cloaked space cruiser from space into JFK's back, to prove the single bullet theory. The missile had super high tech heat seaking bouncing abilities and bounced all the way into Senator Connely's wrist. And then, they teleported away, but not before they mind melded (not the Vulcan mind meld where physical contact is necessary, the type where they take over a mother fucker's mind with their own mind because they are that fuckin' smart) with the FBI, CIA and Dallas Police Department and get them to chase and frame Lee Harvey Oswald. They then dissapparated in a cloud of smoke.
I'm not kidding, this is the type of shit that is in this class. As a serious lecture piece, my professor brought in that chain e-mail where it describes in detail a huge series of coincidences between Abe and JFK. Seriously. You know, like they were both killed 100 years apart, that they were both this and this and this yadda yadda yadda. And the thing was used seriously. BUT THE CREAM OF THE FUCKING CROP is that she got everyone to take out a 20 dollar bill, fold that bastard up and reveal to us the amazing conspiracy that the United States treasury was behind the 9/11 attacks, as when folded together in a certain way, you see two objects that vaguely resemble the two towers. I SHIT YOU NOT OMG ROFL.
PFSH.
ALSO. I AM GOING TO GERMANY and GREECE IN JUNE. THAT IS (WAS) MY SUPER SECRET PLAN.
But seriously man, the car I have, it doesn't even like going near the speed limit. I'm trolling down the high way at 65 and the car just kind of whispers "C'mon man. Drive me faster. I'm an awesome car. Don't you feel cool? You wanna be cool, right?" And then all of a sudden, I'm going 80. GOD DAMN CAR AND IT'S PRESSURE. Shit man, I'm just procrastinating. I don't have anything interesting to say right now.
SAVE FOR MY VERY OWN CONSPIRACY THEORY I THOUGHT OF WHILE GETTING LECTURED AT IN MY BULLSHIT CONSPIRACY THEORY CLASS.
I have called it the "Lone X-Wing Theory" and it's about JFK. Even though an X-Wing has nothing to do with the theory. It goes as such.
What happens is, some aliens teleport onto the grassy knoll. This accounts for the first shot fired which "supposedly missed." See, when aliens teleport, they make sounds like gun shots. The sound of the teleportation tricked everyone into thinking that a shot was fired from the Book Depository, as the sound would echo across Dealey Plaza. The teleportation also accounts for the clouds of smoke seen drifting from the Grassy Knoll. Actually, no. This was due to their teleportation away from the scene. ANYWAY. So what happens is, is these aliens have uber powerful mind powers. And they use these mind powers to concentrate REALLY HARD to blow up JFK's head. This is why, you know. His head blew up. But before that, they fired an ultra advanced tiny missile from a cloaked space cruiser from space into JFK's back, to prove the single bullet theory. The missile had super high tech heat seaking bouncing abilities and bounced all the way into Senator Connely's wrist. And then, they teleported away, but not before they mind melded (not the Vulcan mind meld where physical contact is necessary, the type where they take over a mother fucker's mind with their own mind because they are that fuckin' smart) with the FBI, CIA and Dallas Police Department and get them to chase and frame Lee Harvey Oswald. They then dissapparated in a cloud of smoke.
I'm not kidding, this is the type of shit that is in this class. As a serious lecture piece, my professor brought in that chain e-mail where it describes in detail a huge series of coincidences between Abe and JFK. Seriously. You know, like they were both killed 100 years apart, that they were both this and this and this yadda yadda yadda. And the thing was used seriously. BUT THE CREAM OF THE FUCKING CROP is that she got everyone to take out a 20 dollar bill, fold that bastard up and reveal to us the amazing conspiracy that the United States treasury was behind the 9/11 attacks, as when folded together in a certain way, you see two objects that vaguely resemble the two towers. I SHIT YOU NOT OMG ROFL.
PFSH.
ALSO. I AM GOING TO GERMANY and GREECE IN JUNE. THAT IS (WAS) MY SUPER SECRET PLAN.