i cant do this anymore.

[i_slice_n_dice]

I'm so sick of lying. I sick of pretending.. I'm just so sick of it all. Everyone says they're there for me, but it all comes down to me being alone, trying to get the strength to get up in the morning and make it through a day of school, the high point of my day being getting to go to bed. That's how I get myself through the day, promising myself I can go to sleep after it...

People ask where I was last week. I admit I was in the hospital.. I tell them I was dehydrated from throwing up, a partial truth.. if only they knew why I was really there.

Bruises up and my arms from IV's and having blood drawn everyday, still haven't faded.. a constant reminder of where I spent 5 days.

And despite everything my parents are pretending everythings okay. They let me shut myself up in my room, act like nothings happened and that there's no reason to worry about me. I don't even have to go to therapy until after the first of November... so I have a long time to survive yet.

I look like shit. I don't really much care about my appearance anyway tho. I looked in the mirror today and could not believe how bloodshot my eyes were surrounded by my thick black makeup.

And you know what I really don't care about my grades anymore, I can't concentrate, I can't think (about what I'm supposed to anyway)... and all I can do is wish I was sleeping or dead.

and now i have to try to write a paper.