Kentucky!
I have started to plan my trip to Kentucky. I am driving down with my mom to see my birthmother, Tammy, and her two sons. I haven't seen them in over a year, so I'm absolutely thrilled. My mom and I are spending a full weekend with them. My brothers are ten and thirteen, and I affectionately refer to them as my fan club--they absolutely adore me, and I them. They are phenomenal--Tommy and MIkey are the most loving kids I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. My adoptive parents have never felt awkward about me having a relationship with them. From the day that they were born, they were my brothers, never anything more or less than my adoptive sister, just different. I am so thankful that they have always been so supportive of our relationship. My parents love them, too. They don't have any boys, so my dad especially has fun goofing around with them. Tammy and I's relationship is more delicate. I love her, but it's always been a somewhat reserved love. Thankfully, as I'm growing up, it's becoming easier and easier. As an adult, I am thankful that I have two mothers to call and talk to and ask for advice.
Tammy, at age forty, is getting remarried. Kevin is twenty eight! My stepfather will be only nine years older than me! That's the real reason for the visit--we have yet to meet, and it will alleviate the awkard tension of meeting the night before he marries my mother. I am nervous, however. He will actually become a part of my family. My brothers adore him however, and Tammy sounds so happy when she talks about him, that I am sure I will love him.
Tammy's mother will also hopefully be flying in from Iowa. I haven't seen her in over fifteen years and really don't remember her. I'm nervous. I am about to meet my grandmother at age nineteen. How strange will that be? What do you say?
I am just starting to work out all these relationships as I grow up and sometimes it's just overwhelming. I have two mothers, two fathers, a stepfather to be, four brothers, a sister, and six cousins that I grew up with and are closer to me than any of my siblings. Acknowledging a bond based on blood with my biological family seems to somehow lessen the love I have for my adoptive family. There is always jealousy between the two--they love each other. Tammy gave me to my parents, and my parents gave her child a loving home, they are both forever indebted to each other and know that. But what defines a family? I consider my best friend family. I consider my cousins my best friends. I have never defined it soley by blood, but I do have two little brothers, Dillon and Carter, that I don't know, but I still somehow love. That fact alone has me convinced that blood means something, which means my relationship with my adoptive family lacks something.
I love my family... they are my whole life. I am so thankful for being adopted---I have two families that love me and would do absolutely anything for me, but sometimes I just feel so torn. I have three families---adopted, birthmother's side, and birthfather's side. It is difficult to find time and energy to keep up with everything. One day, I pray, I will strike a comfortable balance between the three, but at age nineteen, with a financial situation that prevents visiting more often, it seems impossible