this illness seems to feel so strange
things i want:
1. september and october,the writing from those months, returned to me.
2. A year in pictures back
3. To do all of the things we talked about, together
4. My laptop back.
5. Innocent faith in humanity back.
6. To get a decent night's sleep.
7. Your smile turned back towards me.
8. To end this non-fight.
i was robbed monday morning, or rather paul and i were burgled. the bastards got our laptops and his wallet. while we slept. now we get to have happy discussions with police every once in awhile but let's face it, it's gone. also gone is our belief that people are generally good, and i don't know how anne frank believed it even in spite of everything but these days my faith in everything is shattered. i can't sleep, the slightest sound brings me out of turbulent dreams of blank frozen faces and words i can't hear and no breath in my lungs and back to the late night early morning dark, and it's just this constant weariness, we're shuffling through life. in paul it's caused no less than paranoia, triple-locked doors before turning in for the night. people who know give us pitying faces but little else, although i am writing this on a borrowed computer, i'll be kicked out of the room soon for one reason or another and that will be the end. until then i guess i'll just rant on here because i need to.
this whole argument is an exercise in being irrational. it's the week, it's not what you think it is but i don't want to get into it here, please call me i feel like a secondary character in my own life. hello hello hello? am i heard, am i considered, am i remembered?
here is a secret, i am exhausted. i am wounded, limping, standing on the roof watching clouds fly by and this goddam city live its life, and it feels like it's been weeks, but really it's two days. aggghhhh nothing going on in life is making this any better. please come visit me.
fuck, i can't say anything even though my head is spinning.
1. september and october,the writing from those months, returned to me.
2. A year in pictures back
3. To do all of the things we talked about, together
4. My laptop back.
5. Innocent faith in humanity back.
6. To get a decent night's sleep.
7. Your smile turned back towards me.
8. To end this non-fight.
i was robbed monday morning, or rather paul and i were burgled. the bastards got our laptops and his wallet. while we slept. now we get to have happy discussions with police every once in awhile but let's face it, it's gone. also gone is our belief that people are generally good, and i don't know how anne frank believed it even in spite of everything but these days my faith in everything is shattered. i can't sleep, the slightest sound brings me out of turbulent dreams of blank frozen faces and words i can't hear and no breath in my lungs and back to the late night early morning dark, and it's just this constant weariness, we're shuffling through life. in paul it's caused no less than paranoia, triple-locked doors before turning in for the night. people who know give us pitying faces but little else, although i am writing this on a borrowed computer, i'll be kicked out of the room soon for one reason or another and that will be the end. until then i guess i'll just rant on here because i need to.
this whole argument is an exercise in being irrational. it's the week, it's not what you think it is but i don't want to get into it here, please call me i feel like a secondary character in my own life. hello hello hello? am i heard, am i considered, am i remembered?
here is a secret, i am exhausted. i am wounded, limping, standing on the roof watching clouds fly by and this goddam city live its life, and it feels like it's been weeks, but really it's two days. aggghhhh nothing going on in life is making this any better. please come visit me.
fuck, i can't say anything even though my head is spinning.