(no subject)
I saw the new stills from The End, and since my love for this episode, the epic heartfail and mindfuck, is well known, this minispam and rambling, shouldnt come as a surprise.
I liked Dean/Cas throughout S4, and saw that they were meant to be more, from the very start, but I think this is the episode that finally pushed me into shipping them. Im a sucker for angst, and while this episode broke my soul, it sealed my fate as a Dean/Cas shipper.
I died a little inside everytime Cas laughed his joyless, empty laugh. It was hard to see what he'd become, how he had no faith left, no purpose, and no one cared (which is why the end of S5 hurt me so bad, cuz no one seemed to notice Cas' misery) but what broke my heart the most was that it wasnt a wrong assumption to make that Dean was responsible for ruining him. :( He wasnt there for Cas, and yes, Im sure it wasnt something he wanted to do, he was just too broken to be emotionally available for him, but I ache to think of Cas longing for some support, hoping for Dean to notice him, reach out... unable to help him, unable to stop his own downward spiral.
One might say its all in my head, but honestly, this episode proved that all this had a possibility of being very close to canon. I feel this episode made Cas' love for Dean very canon, and how it would prove to be his end, if Dean was unable to reciprocate.
I know a lot of people were turned off by hippie!Cas, and while I never wanted him to end up like that, I felt for him. Seeing him so broken, twisted something in my gut, and somehow made me love him more. Even in his hopelessness and helplessness, he was still sticking to the choice he made a long time ago, of standing by Dean.
While future!Castiel destroyed me, it was hard for me to feel for future!Dean. I was terrified of what he'd become, so empty, so dead. It killed me when he sent Cas to his death, and yes, I dont doubt for a second that Cas knew, and Dean, forget being remorseful or guilty, couldnt even be honest about it, to Cas, or to himself. :(
On a shallow note, THIGH HOLSTER FUCK!
You know, this is why the last few episodes of S5 disturbed me so much, cuz not only did I see Cas turning into future!Castiel, with all the drinking, loss of hope, and feeling of uselessness, (thank god thats not happening now) I saw Dean turning into future!Dean, incapable of emotion or empathy, dead inside. Everytime he failed to show concern for Cas, everytime he turned a blind eye to Cas' suffering, everytime he refused to reach out to him, I couldnt help but feel that he was well on his way, already. D:
Now Im hurting again over how they left my bbs. *bawls*
FIX THEM, S6!!
I liked Dean/Cas throughout S4, and saw that they were meant to be more, from the very start, but I think this is the episode that finally pushed me into shipping them. Im a sucker for angst, and while this episode broke my soul, it sealed my fate as a Dean/Cas shipper.
I died a little inside everytime Cas laughed his joyless, empty laugh. It was hard to see what he'd become, how he had no faith left, no purpose, and no one cared (which is why the end of S5 hurt me so bad, cuz no one seemed to notice Cas' misery) but what broke my heart the most was that it wasnt a wrong assumption to make that Dean was responsible for ruining him. :( He wasnt there for Cas, and yes, Im sure it wasnt something he wanted to do, he was just too broken to be emotionally available for him, but I ache to think of Cas longing for some support, hoping for Dean to notice him, reach out... unable to help him, unable to stop his own downward spiral.
One might say its all in my head, but honestly, this episode proved that all this had a possibility of being very close to canon. I feel this episode made Cas' love for Dean very canon, and how it would prove to be his end, if Dean was unable to reciprocate.
I know a lot of people were turned off by hippie!Cas, and while I never wanted him to end up like that, I felt for him. Seeing him so broken, twisted something in my gut, and somehow made me love him more. Even in his hopelessness and helplessness, he was still sticking to the choice he made a long time ago, of standing by Dean.
While future!Castiel destroyed me, it was hard for me to feel for future!Dean. I was terrified of what he'd become, so empty, so dead. It killed me when he sent Cas to his death, and yes, I dont doubt for a second that Cas knew, and Dean, forget being remorseful or guilty, couldnt even be honest about it, to Cas, or to himself. :(
On a shallow note, THIGH HOLSTER FUCK!
You know, this is why the last few episodes of S5 disturbed me so much, cuz not only did I see Cas turning into future!Castiel, with all the drinking, loss of hope, and feeling of uselessness, (thank god thats not happening now) I saw Dean turning into future!Dean, incapable of emotion or empathy, dead inside. Everytime he failed to show concern for Cas, everytime he turned a blind eye to Cas' suffering, everytime he refused to reach out to him, I couldnt help but feel that he was well on his way, already. D:
Now Im hurting again over how they left my bbs. *bawls*
FIX THEM, S6!!