(no subject)
I feel like I've lost complete control of my life. It's not all bad, though. Then again, even the good things weren't completely of my own doing. I haven't done anything for myself or by myself, other than shower, in a long time.
School needs to start in like 10 minutes. I had so much less time to screw things up then.
This is starting to feel like one of those points where my life is doing more cruising than I'm doing driving. I need order. I need control back. Things I don't need and things I don't want are just so present right now.
And I can't find a way to seperate myself from them.
History will show that this is about the point where I will run and go hide in the comfort of a new girl. I really want to, but it won't help and if that place is where I decide I wanna go I don't wanna complicate things and fuck it up because I'm hiding from life.
Christmas, New Year's, Spring semester, trying to get my scholarship back, friends, old relationships, and (new ones?).
I cannot fuck any of this up. The only thing that stands between me and what I want, is me. But dammit, I am a LEGENDARY fuck up.
School needs to start in like 10 minutes. I had so much less time to screw things up then.
This is starting to feel like one of those points where my life is doing more cruising than I'm doing driving. I need order. I need control back. Things I don't need and things I don't want are just so present right now.
And I can't find a way to seperate myself from them.
History will show that this is about the point where I will run and go hide in the comfort of a new girl. I really want to, but it won't help and if that place is where I decide I wanna go I don't wanna complicate things and fuck it up because I'm hiding from life.
Christmas, New Year's, Spring semester, trying to get my scholarship back, friends, old relationships, and (new ones?).
I cannot fuck any of this up. The only thing that stands between me and what I want, is me. But dammit, I am a LEGENDARY fuck up.