So, what's your panacea?
I'm thinking I'm not normal. Though I have known this for quite some time, tonight it seems more apparent to me. When most people in my condition would be downing shots of whatever alcohol they could get their hands on, getting wasted beyond recognition in the process, and then proceeding to do something wild and crazy that will make them feel better that night but they won't remember in the morning (whether this be driving recklessly, having sex with a random person, or both); i do the polar opposite. My ultimate cure for everything seems to be chocolate milk (soy preferred), a roll of chocolate chip cookie dough accompanied by a spoon, really loud angry music, a good book and a warm bed where I can fall into a hopefully dreamless sleep where I can temporarily forget whatever happened. I guess it just sounds like a safer alternative: no risk of alcohol poisoning, tragic car accident, pregnancy, STDs, waking up in a random place, or the worst: having a complete blackout and not remembering a single stupid thing you did. Ok, if that could wipe out my most recent memory, i guess that wouldn' t sound so bad. I think I'll stick to my chocolate (which has natural endorphins), huge distractions to my visual and audio senses, and sleep to cure my sleep deprivation. That, the sleep deprivation I mean, is probably what's making this one thousand times worse than this really is.
And the best part is, nothing really happened. The only words that passed were in my head, I don't think the ghost in question (ghost is figurative, please understand if you can keep up with my insanity) even noticed my presence. I just couldn't do anything. A normal person would have been able to wave, to walk over and say, long time no see, how are you stranger? Instead, I freeze in place and begin to hyperventilate. What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I just speak, act, anything. I guess I was caught off guard. I don't even know if I can keep my previous promise with myself. The time is winding down to that fateful day. What if tonight, in my idiotic stupor, was my last chance? Will I be able to live with knowing that I am an indecisive coward? I think not.
Ok, I am determined next time to be ready. I was frigging shaking. SHAKING! Grab a hold of yourself dammit.
And the best part is, nothing really happened. The only words that passed were in my head, I don't think the ghost in question (ghost is figurative, please understand if you can keep up with my insanity) even noticed my presence. I just couldn't do anything. A normal person would have been able to wave, to walk over and say, long time no see, how are you stranger? Instead, I freeze in place and begin to hyperventilate. What the hell is wrong with me? Why can't I just speak, act, anything. I guess I was caught off guard. I don't even know if I can keep my previous promise with myself. The time is winding down to that fateful day. What if tonight, in my idiotic stupor, was my last chance? Will I be able to live with knowing that I am an indecisive coward? I think not.
Ok, I am determined next time to be ready. I was frigging shaking. SHAKING! Grab a hold of yourself dammit.