I'm obsessed and stressed with this mess
Right, so we're one week in and I haven't dropped out yet. That's not a bad start but it's not a good one either. Even slightly less and it wouldn't be a start at all. But still, weekly microfiction #1, based on the keyword "Rain" sort of suggested by Hadidet is hidden under the cut.
===
It was the last year of school. My friends were huddled in the doorway. They didn't look at us, they were very careful about that. They watched for teachers. They shouldn't be inside, not during the lunch break. When it was raining like this rules like that were ignored but they'd have to be on their best behaviour, or at least make it look like they were.
Not that we needed to worry, but we didn't know that. We thought just swearing all the time and watching violent movies would make us cool, but it just made us kids and we were still the good kids. Fights in our group were rare, pathetic affairs where the guys involved would just push each other about and call names until we got between them and pulled them apart. Then they'd go off and sulk for a while and later act like nothing happened. We thought this was the way to handle stuff like that, like we were so tight these little things couldn't get to us. I lost contact with most of those guys within two years of leaving school.
Em and me, we were outside in the rain. It came down fast and cold, stinging where it touched bare skin. I remember putting my hands in my pockets and thinking that looked too casual for the occasion, like I was some callous bastard or I didn't care. It was so important to look right. I kept thinking about where I should put my hands. On her shoulder? She shied away. On my hips? I've never stood hands on hips in my life, no one has. Only TV gym teachers and superheroes do that, why did I try it? I let them drop to my side immediately. Scratched my nose, touched my hair, all sorts of things. I never got comfortable, I kept shifting my weight from one foot to the other. I didn't hide it well, the awkwardness. I wanted to look all strong and confident (but not like a callous bastard) but there was this long silence after we'd broken up and we'd said all those things you have to say and eventually she told me to go 'cause she could see I didn't want to be there.
There was this pause and I forced myself to keep eye contact. The rain hid her tears and I loved it for that, even as every drop burned like ice. Then I mumbled something and even I couldn't work out what I'd tried to say so I just turned and walked off, feeling like an idiot, just a fraction of the man I'd wanted to be. Ending a relationship never happens like you think it will or you want it to and every one of them hurts but you remember the first best of all. The only one that's ever worse is the latest.
Back inside my friends acted like nothing had changed, throwing these friendly insults at each other like any other day except I was off limits. No-one called me names that day or joked about my mum or anything. That's how we showed we cared.
===
Criticism is welcome. I'm just happy I got 500 words out.
So I spent money today, on DVDs (and, in fact, Blu-rays, despite not having a player yet) and clothes. I think it's been a while since I last expanded my wardrobe. I still feel like I need to get some new trousers or jeans or other such leg wear. I've got like three pairs I feel comfortable wearing at the moment. Soon though the weather will warm up and I can start wearing that awesome pair of shorts I have again. I should get more shorts. Also t-shirts. I don't have the money left this month, but I think maybe some time soonish I'm gonna get one of the many TopatoCo shirts I've been wanting for a while, like one of these hey how 'bout this one?
I bought Up and Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs. Clearly Up deserved its acadamy nomination for best Animated feature, and though I'm not surprised, I am a little disappointed that Cloudy didn't get one. It beat even The Hangover as funniest film of the year in my opinion, but I guess the animation itself isn't a great step forward from other recent computer animated kids films. And it is nice to see the range of styles in the nominations. Stop-motion in Fantastic Mr Fox and Coraline, the entirely hand-drawn The Princess and the Frog and the very pinnicle of modern awesomeness in Up. Some film I'd never heard of called The Secret of Kells got the last place in that category, and I think maybe I should track down a copy because the few reviews it got have all been pretty good, I hear. Also Brendan Gleeson does one of the voices, so it must be good, right?
Right.
===
It was the last year of school. My friends were huddled in the doorway. They didn't look at us, they were very careful about that. They watched for teachers. They shouldn't be inside, not during the lunch break. When it was raining like this rules like that were ignored but they'd have to be on their best behaviour, or at least make it look like they were.
Not that we needed to worry, but we didn't know that. We thought just swearing all the time and watching violent movies would make us cool, but it just made us kids and we were still the good kids. Fights in our group were rare, pathetic affairs where the guys involved would just push each other about and call names until we got between them and pulled them apart. Then they'd go off and sulk for a while and later act like nothing happened. We thought this was the way to handle stuff like that, like we were so tight these little things couldn't get to us. I lost contact with most of those guys within two years of leaving school.
Em and me, we were outside in the rain. It came down fast and cold, stinging where it touched bare skin. I remember putting my hands in my pockets and thinking that looked too casual for the occasion, like I was some callous bastard or I didn't care. It was so important to look right. I kept thinking about where I should put my hands. On her shoulder? She shied away. On my hips? I've never stood hands on hips in my life, no one has. Only TV gym teachers and superheroes do that, why did I try it? I let them drop to my side immediately. Scratched my nose, touched my hair, all sorts of things. I never got comfortable, I kept shifting my weight from one foot to the other. I didn't hide it well, the awkwardness. I wanted to look all strong and confident (but not like a callous bastard) but there was this long silence after we'd broken up and we'd said all those things you have to say and eventually she told me to go 'cause she could see I didn't want to be there.
There was this pause and I forced myself to keep eye contact. The rain hid her tears and I loved it for that, even as every drop burned like ice. Then I mumbled something and even I couldn't work out what I'd tried to say so I just turned and walked off, feeling like an idiot, just a fraction of the man I'd wanted to be. Ending a relationship never happens like you think it will or you want it to and every one of them hurts but you remember the first best of all. The only one that's ever worse is the latest.
Back inside my friends acted like nothing had changed, throwing these friendly insults at each other like any other day except I was off limits. No-one called me names that day or joked about my mum or anything. That's how we showed we cared.
===
Criticism is welcome. I'm just happy I got 500 words out.
So I spent money today, on DVDs (and, in fact, Blu-rays, despite not having a player yet) and clothes. I think it's been a while since I last expanded my wardrobe. I still feel like I need to get some new trousers or jeans or other such leg wear. I've got like three pairs I feel comfortable wearing at the moment. Soon though the weather will warm up and I can start wearing that awesome pair of shorts I have again. I should get more shorts. Also t-shirts. I don't have the money left this month, but I think maybe some time soonish I'm gonna get one of the many TopatoCo shirts I've been wanting for a while, like one of these hey how 'bout this one?
I bought Up and Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs. Clearly Up deserved its acadamy nomination for best Animated feature, and though I'm not surprised, I am a little disappointed that Cloudy didn't get one. It beat even The Hangover as funniest film of the year in my opinion, but I guess the animation itself isn't a great step forward from other recent computer animated kids films. And it is nice to see the range of styles in the nominations. Stop-motion in Fantastic Mr Fox and Coraline, the entirely hand-drawn The Princess and the Frog and the very pinnicle of modern awesomeness in Up. Some film I'd never heard of called The Secret of Kells got the last place in that category, and I think maybe I should track down a copy because the few reviews it got have all been pretty good, I hear. Also Brendan Gleeson does one of the voices, so it must be good, right?
Right.