I've been counting on the wrong things to make life feel alright.
I talk to myself a fair bit, and most of the time that's okay because I'm in the first person and I'm just thinking out loud. "Oh hey I'm hungry again and oh wait I'm talking to myself again" would be commonly heard phrase were it not for the fact I generally only think aloud when I'm alone.
When I am angry at myself or making decisive plans I move into the second person. If you've seen me at work you've probably heard me exclaim "What the fuck are you doing?" on stressful nights and maybe been a little offended until you see I'm staring at the box of popcorn I just threw into the drinks bucket instead of the rubbish bag, and just this morning I told myself aloud "Right, you've got to wash up a load of stuff and remember Tesco are delivering on thursday so try to use up some of the food that takes up space today. So, we're1 going to move from here to the computer check the regulars2 then go have a shower and see what happens from there3."
1 Sometimes I become two people. It's cool though, we get on quite well.
2 Livejournal, Facebook, Gmail, BBC News, Zombie Forums, Webcomics.
3 What actually happened was I got up, moved to the computer, realised that was a mistake and moved back to bed until the room stopped moving, moved back the computer and played Tropico 3 for about two hours.
What really bugs me is when I talk to myself in the third person. This very rarely out loud, but it is always happens the same way. Something interesting happens and I wonder how my facebook status would best describe it.
And writing that I feel like this is becoming another common comment in this journal. Any update I make is almost certain to contain at least one of the following:
"Guys, I watched this film and it was awesome/terrible (delete as appropriate)."
"Guys, I'm a projectionist now and this how things have/haven't changed."
"So there's this girl and I don't know what I'm doing."
"Guys, I used the facebook. I hate facebook. Anyone wanna go do some facebook?"
"I totally like music, and by music I mean whiny emo."
"This livejournal post is about my livejournal. It is recursive or meta or something."
"Zombie?"
Most of these I am fine with. I watch a lot of films and I like talking about films. My job is and has led to big changes and big things staying the same. At least until I'm trained and know what I'm doing, it's the most important thing I have going on right now. I'm not always good at putting my feelings into words so it's great that there's this whole genre of music which does that for me. For a given understanding of cool, Zombie is the coolest thing I am associated with.
This post is meandering. I'm not sure where I'm taking it. I wrote a few more paragraphs and deleted them. Suffice to say: this is a lazy day. I am not working and I am hungover. Last night was a work party and I got quite drunk. The night was not in any way bad but I'm not bringing any incredible memories home from it. Some people I hoped would be there weren't. Some people I hoped wouldn't be there were. Now I am going to go do some of that washing up.
When I am angry at myself or making decisive plans I move into the second person. If you've seen me at work you've probably heard me exclaim "What the fuck are you doing?" on stressful nights and maybe been a little offended until you see I'm staring at the box of popcorn I just threw into the drinks bucket instead of the rubbish bag, and just this morning I told myself aloud "Right, you've got to wash up a load of stuff and remember Tesco are delivering on thursday so try to use up some of the food that takes up space today. So, we're1 going to move from here to the computer check the regulars2 then go have a shower and see what happens from there3."
1 Sometimes I become two people. It's cool though, we get on quite well.
2 Livejournal, Facebook, Gmail, BBC News, Zombie Forums, Webcomics.
3 What actually happened was I got up, moved to the computer, realised that was a mistake and moved back to bed until the room stopped moving, moved back the computer and played Tropico 3 for about two hours.
What really bugs me is when I talk to myself in the third person. This very rarely out loud, but it is always happens the same way. Something interesting happens and I wonder how my facebook status would best describe it.
And writing that I feel like this is becoming another common comment in this journal. Any update I make is almost certain to contain at least one of the following:
"Guys, I watched this film and it was awesome/terrible (delete as appropriate)."
"Guys, I'm a projectionist now and this how things have/haven't changed."
"So there's this girl and I don't know what I'm doing."
"Guys, I used the facebook. I hate facebook. Anyone wanna go do some facebook?"
"I totally like music, and by music I mean whiny emo."
"This livejournal post is about my livejournal. It is recursive or meta or something."
"Zombie?"
Most of these I am fine with. I watch a lot of films and I like talking about films. My job is and has led to big changes and big things staying the same. At least until I'm trained and know what I'm doing, it's the most important thing I have going on right now. I'm not always good at putting my feelings into words so it's great that there's this whole genre of music which does that for me. For a given understanding of cool, Zombie is the coolest thing I am associated with.
This post is meandering. I'm not sure where I'm taking it. I wrote a few more paragraphs and deleted them. Suffice to say: this is a lazy day. I am not working and I am hungover. Last night was a work party and I got quite drunk. The night was not in any way bad but I'm not bringing any incredible memories home from it. Some people I hoped would be there weren't. Some people I hoped wouldn't be there were. Now I am going to go do some of that washing up.