THIS IS THE LAST EUROVISION POST I SWEAR.
At least for this year.
Anyway, finals. It was really hard to get it narrowed down to 10 points-worthy entries - I wanted one of my top four to win, the one that won was worthy, and then the middle of the pack was jammed. And two to three acts that I WANTED to give points to I didn't - but I feasibly could have given them if I had room.
In terms of methodology, it went something like this (in about rough order):
I think I ended up with my favoritism leaning towards serious crazy first, then SRS MOTHERFUCKING BZNS, then trolls. So that's why Serbia ended up that much higher than Russia for me. Plus, I love how the Serbs (and Eastern Europe as a whole) take this so seriously every year.
Anyway, so enough about that. THE LIST.
I should note that the final this year was 26 countries. Twenty qualified through each semifinal, and six (the six who paid this year - the UK, Russia Spain, France, Italy, Germany, and last year's winner Azerbaijan) got automatic berths. If I awarded points, they're in italics near the end (so, it'll be x points), and then a short list near the end of what got awarded points from me in order. I'm still not completely happy with it - there's a lot I'm iffy on, especially at the bottom.
Also, I may make a few less-than-sensitive jokes towards Eastern Europe and the former Soviet bloc/Soviet states. On one hand, I know who the prime minister of the Ukraine is and what happened to the former prime minister. On the other hand, I mostly know who the former prime minister is through Princess Sparkle Pony (RIP), so take that as an indicator of my geopolitical knowledge.
The UK (01) did not disappoint by disappointing. Sigh, Humperdinck. I mean, dude is a legend, but...like...it's like they didn't even care and just shipped him off to Azerbaijan. At least troll us (see: Austria). No, the pyrotechnics at the end did not help.
Hungary (02) I think I forgot about after they went on. Apparently, they ended with pyrotechnics, so I had to give them points for that. But not Eurovision points.
Albania (03)...I liked her song less the more I heard it. It has a lot of technical demand, I will grant. That does not make it good. I give her small points for having possibly the most Eurovision costuming (I mean, seriously, the madam of the space bordello getup?! THE DREADLOCK?!) but oh my god my ears at the end. I say this even after having survived Tooji's semis performance.
Even accounting for politics, I can't believe that she got 12 from anyone (I think she got a 12 or two and ended about tied with Azerbaijan's singer).
Lithuania (04). Oh GOD where do I begin. "Love Is Blind" is essentially George Michael lite, and I stand by that (although I was scanning BoingBoing, and the comparison was to Jamiroquai). Whatever you say, this song is so not Eurovision.
That said, I think everyone knows how I feel about 1:30. The song itself should have sped up by 1:00. The production needed five backup dancers in silver bodysuits. Still, 1 point, if only for that motherfucking RFG (rip, flip, guitar), which was where Eurovision really began for me.
Bosnia and Herzegovina (05) had a snoozer of a song. The preview itself put me to sleep. The only thing that saved the production was the costume and the set piece, which actually kept me awake. I'd like this as background music, but as Eurovision?! Look, I know you guys had things with your former countrymates Serbia (like a civil war), but they know how to bring the dramatic ballad to Eurovision. Learn from them.
Russia (06) is the way to troll Eurovision. This is something that definitely deserved votes...I'm just not sure how much voting it deserved. On one hand, it's Eurovision, so it probably deserved to come in second. On the other hand, this is a bit like when William Hung was a thing. In the end, I didn't award any points - mostly because I ran out of room. I'd have loved to, though, and thus deem it worthy of an honorary half-point.
Iceland (07)...oh dear. I was possibly the only one who liked them, because they were SO intense and SO earnest, and then I was jotting down notes about how they needed pyrotechnics and then BAM. They really deserved more than the 40 or 50 points they got. Plus, the dude was cute. 4 points.
Cyprus (08) would have been better if the girl and her backup dancers would have moved away from the bench. I mean, yeah, it's standard Europop, which...didn't win me over, but this is the kind of song that can be saved by production (see: Ukraine). Draping yourself and your backup dancers in more butterflies than Mariah Carey isn't the way to do it.
France (09) is a hard call. On one hand, I'm morally opposed to having big names go to Eurovision, and Anggun is a relatively big name. (In that I've heard of her, although I'm not familiar with her discography.) I was going to call "SWITZERLAND" on her (as in Celine Dion) - and I actually did in my notes - but she apparently is a naturalized Frenchwoman. So, I'm waiving that.
Her song was...considering that she's been around for 15 odd years, I thought she'd have been a bit more on-key. THE PRODUCTION, THOUGH. GYMNASTS. UNRAVELING HER DRESS. AND THEN GOLD LAME PANTIES. That was about the time I realized that France was in it to win it. Henceforth, 2 points.
Italy (10) was nice - the song struck me as a bit Winehouse-ish, but it was fun. This is my second act that DESERVED points, but couldn't really receive them - so an honorary half-point.
Estonia (11): I'm pretty sure the things I want to do to Ott Leplund are illegal in Estonia.
That said, hot guy, nice voice...snoozer of a song. It's repetitive and blah. As much as I want to give him points for hotness, NO.
Norway (12) is less of an equivocation for me. Tooji is cute, but OH MY GOD PLEASE STOP SINGING FOREVER. I've never heard anyone more in need of Autotune, and that includes Rihanna.
Yes, I also include the chick from Albania in this. (Her problem isn't her inability to hold a note - in fact, her problem WAS her ability to hold a note.)
I think the only reason this made it through to the finals was because of the trackline itself - it could be a decent song, AND it starts off with a Central Asian instrumental. If it was a conscious pander, well played. If it wasn't...still well played.
(Edit: Apparently, he's Iranian. Which...makes the instrumental make even more sense.)
I think this was the performance I was most angry about - it's potentially a REALLY good song (I mean, like, imagine this in the hands of Justin Timberlake or even N*Sync full stop), and probably one of the best productions this year, but it's ruined by the fact that the singer is REALLY bad.
Azerbaijan (13) was a difficult call for entirely different reasons than for Estonia. The singer is talented, and honestly, her ability to sing in English kind of impressed me - it sounds prejudicial, but a lot of former Soviet Bloc/Soviet countries tend to not do that well in English.
Reading more about Azerbaijan, though, I really couldn't like this in good faith. With everything that went on behind the scenes with Eurovision, and the fact that Armenia dropped out in protest (for good reason)...that kind of ruined her performance for me. :(
If Babushkas were how you troll Eurovision, Romania (14) is how you SERIOUSLY do Eurovision.
Denmark (15)...the singer's look reminded me of Gwen Stefani circa No Doubt. The song reminded me of Sixpence None the Richer or Hootie or pretty much any '90's adult rock. This was also the first act to feature sailors.
Greece (16) provided us with the final panty flash of the evening. Unfortunately, I think she flashed her panties in an attempt to get the EU to loosen their austerity demands. (This is not a euphemism for sex, although it should be.) Her song was pretty similar to Cyprus's song, although I thought the staging was a bit better. The dancing was all right - it went back and forth between traditional pop stage grinding and traditional Greek dance (or at least her interpretation of it).
GOOD THING SHE DIDN'T BRING EUROVISION TO GREECE AMIRITE?! (And yes, I know, this joke is more apt for Spain, but seriously Greece is in way worse shape anyway.)
Sweden (17) was a worthy winner, although not MY winner. And girlfriend WORKED that stage. I did not think that one barefoot woman in a jumpsuit could do that much in 3 minutes.
I think a lot of people stated that this wasn't Eurovision-y enough. I beg to differ - although girl is a pro (and let's be honest, Eurovision at its best is a bit amateurish and quirky), she WORKED.
Turkey (18): Manboats. ManBOATS. NEED I SAY MORE?! 10 points.
Spain (19) was mostly a snoozer. (I used that word a LOT this year.) To be honest, I thought Portugal deserved a berth more than this chick did - although they were both not exciting ballads, the Portuguese girl had an amazing voice, and better than Spain's.
The backup singers at the end kind of made this slightly Eurovision, but not enough.
Germany (20) I thought was lipsynching. Quinkie begs to differ, but it just seemed like the way he was moving his mouth did not match up to the words. I think I might have tabbed for most of this.
Malta (21)'s song was actually the only one that sounded like something contemporary. In this case, it's not a compliment - it sounds a lot like the throwaway pop you'd hear by some relatively cute music factory dude on a Top 40 station for a minute. The dancing was nice, though, and the DJ breakdanced for a bit.
Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia (22) (or, as quinctia put it, Former Yugoslav Republic of GreeceIsAnAsshole) was actually the singer I was most attached to that made it. (I KNOW RIGHT. WEIRD) She got quite a bit better from her preview, and - let's be honest - a middle-aged woman in a pantsuit singing metal is pretty much what Eurovision should be about. And she nailed that screech. 3 points.
Ireland (23) was trolling us. By that, I mean Ireland themselves were trolling us. I think Jedward took it entirely seriously. NOT SURE WHETHER I SHOULD AWARD POINTS. Leaning towards not awarding points because I'm getting tight on them, and while I enjoy batshit Lannisters as much as anyone, I have a feeling this would encourage Cersei even more.
Serbia (24), I've decided, has mastered the art of the Eurovision ballad as a country. Not knowing anything about anyone, I would have picked him to win because it was perfectly structured to pander to Eastern Europe; and he's actually a big thing in Eastern Europe...which made him even more of a candidate to win. As such, 5 points because in Serbia, Eurovision is SRS MOTHERFUCKING BZNS.
Ukraine (25) was practically a drag show. I mean, video backup dancers. Actual skirted backup dancers playing horns. Video flash mob. This, along with Turkey, Romania, and the last act, was one of the ones I wanted to win. 6 points.
Moldova (26) is basically what Gogol Bordello should have been. This was my favorite act of the evening, and as such, I award him the full 12 points.
So yeah, it was hard to whittle it down to 10 points-worthy acts. And the run-down below:
And end notes:
Watching 2007 again, I was struck by the parallels between the top two entries that year (Serbia's Marija Serifovic and Ukraine's Verka Serduchka) and the entries this year from those countries.
I think I was a bit more generous to Serbia's entry this year than I should have been objectively BECAUSE of 2007 lurking in my subconscious. Again, the Serbs know how to bring the drama, and the rest of the Balkans should take note. (Apparently, I think most of Europe agreed with me - Serbia's dude was really close to the Russian grannies, which I'm pretty sure got all their points from the call-ins.) It was the least forgettable of the ballads, which...isn't saying THAT much, but it says a lot.
Pivoting to Ukraine, let's be honest: Gaitana was not nearly as legendary as Verka - although I would have been fine with her winning and thought she was scored really low, there needed to be a bit more in terms of the crazy. So while I might have given the Serbian dude more points out of goodwill, I probably ended up downrating Ukraine a bit (although, at best, I'd switch her and Loreen from Sweden, although it seems even more unfair to have Sweden as a 6-pointer). However, I will note that she shined IN SPITE of the song - the song itself isn't that great, but she's a decent singer and she went all-out for her performance. (Then again, this is the Ukraine. They have a history of crack.)
Babuskhas were probably the hardest to score - they placed second overall, but I couldn't decide whether they deserved 10, 2, or 0 points. Of the "troll" acts this year, they were BY FAR the best - in that you got that everyone was in on the joke, and it was actually fun to listen to (unlike Austria, who really earned their name). Hence why I ended up being less charitable towards Jedward - they were a BIT too earnest for me. On the other hand, I hear they'll keep coming back to Eurovision until they win, so...
Honestly, Azerbaijan was the second hardest to score - mostly because while I thought her song was good, her country...I'm sorry, sucks. I know, I should talk - I'm an American, and I acknowledge that we do a lot of shitty things (like trying to impose our own morality on other countries, for starters). But on the other hand, while we do have our flaws (and pretty much no country is perfect), at least we're somewhat less repressive than Azerbaijan. (Which is to say, A LOT.) So, as much as I'd have liked to have awarded points, they were a no-go until the country cleans up its act. (Also, I love how they puffed up the dude who performed during the results portion...and NEGLECTED TO MENTION THAT HE WAS THE SON-IN-LAW OF THE PRESIDENT.)
And I had to correct myself - I got the automatic berths wrong. I THINK it should actually be Spain that automatically made the finals - which is the only way it makes sense that she was in the finals and Portugal wasn't. (Say what you will, Filipa Sousa brought it.)
Anyway, finals. It was really hard to get it narrowed down to 10 points-worthy entries - I wanted one of my top four to win, the one that won was worthy, and then the middle of the pack was jammed. And two to three acts that I WANTED to give points to I didn't - but I feasibly could have given them if I had room.
In terms of methodology, it went something like this (in about rough order):
- Can they sing? The example this year is Norway - the song is potentially really good, but the crappiness of the singer sunk it.
- Does the song sound good? *cough* Albania *cough*
- Is the song at least somewhat interesting? Estonia's singer was good. His song was boring as hell, and he didn't even Gaga it up like Bosnia's singer. If Eurovision was based on who I'd fuck, he'd get the full 12 points, but that's not the point of Eurovision, now is it?
- Did they go full Eurovision? This is probably the most important criteria for me. Eurovision at its best brings the crazy, the OTT and the kitsch. I also awarded points for making it SRS FUCKING BZNS, because - c'mon - it's EURO-FUCKING-VISION. This year, it was hosted in the former Soviet version of Vegas in a building that lit up in the colors of every country's flag. It's cartoonishly ridiculous.
I think I ended up with my favoritism leaning towards serious crazy first, then SRS MOTHERFUCKING BZNS, then trolls. So that's why Serbia ended up that much higher than Russia for me. Plus, I love how the Serbs (and Eastern Europe as a whole) take this so seriously every year.
Anyway, so enough about that. THE LIST.
I should note that the final this year was 26 countries. Twenty qualified through each semifinal, and six (the six who paid this year - the UK, Russia Spain, France, Italy, Germany, and last year's winner Azerbaijan) got automatic berths. If I awarded points, they're in italics near the end (so, it'll be x points), and then a short list near the end of what got awarded points from me in order. I'm still not completely happy with it - there's a lot I'm iffy on, especially at the bottom.
Also, I may make a few less-than-sensitive jokes towards Eastern Europe and the former Soviet bloc/Soviet states. On one hand, I know who the prime minister of the Ukraine is and what happened to the former prime minister. On the other hand, I mostly know who the former prime minister is through Princess Sparkle Pony (RIP), so take that as an indicator of my geopolitical knowledge.
The UK (01) did not disappoint by disappointing. Sigh, Humperdinck. I mean, dude is a legend, but...like...it's like they didn't even care and just shipped him off to Azerbaijan. At least troll us (see: Austria). No, the pyrotechnics at the end did not help.
Hungary (02) I think I forgot about after they went on. Apparently, they ended with pyrotechnics, so I had to give them points for that. But not Eurovision points.
Albania (03)...I liked her song less the more I heard it. It has a lot of technical demand, I will grant. That does not make it good. I give her small points for having possibly the most Eurovision costuming (I mean, seriously, the madam of the space bordello getup?! THE DREADLOCK?!) but oh my god my ears at the end. I say this even after having survived Tooji's semis performance.
Even accounting for politics, I can't believe that she got 12 from anyone (I think she got a 12 or two and ended about tied with Azerbaijan's singer).
Lithuania (04). Oh GOD where do I begin. "Love Is Blind" is essentially George Michael lite, and I stand by that (although I was scanning BoingBoing, and the comparison was to Jamiroquai). Whatever you say, this song is so not Eurovision.
That said, I think everyone knows how I feel about 1:30. The song itself should have sped up by 1:00. The production needed five backup dancers in silver bodysuits. Still, 1 point, if only for that motherfucking RFG (rip, flip, guitar), which was where Eurovision really began for me.
Bosnia and Herzegovina (05) had a snoozer of a song. The preview itself put me to sleep. The only thing that saved the production was the costume and the set piece, which actually kept me awake. I'd like this as background music, but as Eurovision?! Look, I know you guys had things with your former countrymates Serbia (like a civil war), but they know how to bring the dramatic ballad to Eurovision. Learn from them.
Russia (06) is the way to troll Eurovision. This is something that definitely deserved votes...I'm just not sure how much voting it deserved. On one hand, it's Eurovision, so it probably deserved to come in second. On the other hand, this is a bit like when William Hung was a thing. In the end, I didn't award any points - mostly because I ran out of room. I'd have loved to, though, and thus deem it worthy of an honorary half-point.
Iceland (07)...oh dear. I was possibly the only one who liked them, because they were SO intense and SO earnest, and then I was jotting down notes about how they needed pyrotechnics and then BAM. They really deserved more than the 40 or 50 points they got. Plus, the dude was cute. 4 points.
Cyprus (08) would have been better if the girl and her backup dancers would have moved away from the bench. I mean, yeah, it's standard Europop, which...didn't win me over, but this is the kind of song that can be saved by production (see: Ukraine). Draping yourself and your backup dancers in more butterflies than Mariah Carey isn't the way to do it.
France (09) is a hard call. On one hand, I'm morally opposed to having big names go to Eurovision, and Anggun is a relatively big name. (In that I've heard of her, although I'm not familiar with her discography.) I was going to call "SWITZERLAND" on her (as in Celine Dion) - and I actually did in my notes - but she apparently is a naturalized Frenchwoman. So, I'm waiving that.
Her song was...considering that she's been around for 15 odd years, I thought she'd have been a bit more on-key. THE PRODUCTION, THOUGH. GYMNASTS. UNRAVELING HER DRESS. AND THEN GOLD LAME PANTIES. That was about the time I realized that France was in it to win it. Henceforth, 2 points.
Italy (10) was nice - the song struck me as a bit Winehouse-ish, but it was fun. This is my second act that DESERVED points, but couldn't really receive them - so an honorary half-point.
Estonia (11): I'm pretty sure the things I want to do to Ott Leplund are illegal in Estonia.
That said, hot guy, nice voice...snoozer of a song. It's repetitive and blah. As much as I want to give him points for hotness, NO.
Norway (12) is less of an equivocation for me. Tooji is cute, but OH MY GOD PLEASE STOP SINGING FOREVER. I've never heard anyone more in need of Autotune, and that includes Rihanna.
Yes, I also include the chick from Albania in this. (Her problem isn't her inability to hold a note - in fact, her problem WAS her ability to hold a note.)
I think the only reason this made it through to the finals was because of the trackline itself - it could be a decent song, AND it starts off with a Central Asian instrumental. If it was a conscious pander, well played. If it wasn't...still well played.
(Edit: Apparently, he's Iranian. Which...makes the instrumental make even more sense.)
I think this was the performance I was most angry about - it's potentially a REALLY good song (I mean, like, imagine this in the hands of Justin Timberlake or even N*Sync full stop), and probably one of the best productions this year, but it's ruined by the fact that the singer is REALLY bad.
Azerbaijan (13) was a difficult call for entirely different reasons than for Estonia. The singer is talented, and honestly, her ability to sing in English kind of impressed me - it sounds prejudicial, but a lot of former Soviet Bloc/Soviet countries tend to not do that well in English.
Reading more about Azerbaijan, though, I really couldn't like this in good faith. With everything that went on behind the scenes with Eurovision, and the fact that Armenia dropped out in protest (for good reason)...that kind of ruined her performance for me. :(
If Babushkas were how you troll Eurovision, Romania (14) is how you SERIOUSLY do Eurovision.
- Moonwalking bagpipe player? Check.
- Randy lead singer who flashes her panties? Check.
- Song that is crazy and fun? Check.
Denmark (15)...the singer's look reminded me of Gwen Stefani circa No Doubt. The song reminded me of Sixpence None the Richer or Hootie or pretty much any '90's adult rock. This was also the first act to feature sailors.
Greece (16) provided us with the final panty flash of the evening. Unfortunately, I think she flashed her panties in an attempt to get the EU to loosen their austerity demands. (This is not a euphemism for sex, although it should be.) Her song was pretty similar to Cyprus's song, although I thought the staging was a bit better. The dancing was all right - it went back and forth between traditional pop stage grinding and traditional Greek dance (or at least her interpretation of it).
GOOD THING SHE DIDN'T BRING EUROVISION TO GREECE AMIRITE?! (And yes, I know, this joke is more apt for Spain, but seriously Greece is in way worse shape anyway.)
Sweden (17) was a worthy winner, although not MY winner. And girlfriend WORKED that stage. I did not think that one barefoot woman in a jumpsuit could do that much in 3 minutes.
I think a lot of people stated that this wasn't Eurovision-y enough. I beg to differ - although girl is a pro (and let's be honest, Eurovision at its best is a bit amateurish and quirky), she WORKED.
- The GIF that quinctia posted in her Eurovision finals writeup.
- The fog machine and wind machine.
- The ending, where she kickboxes with possibly the only black man in Sweden and beats his ass. This is what Lisbeth Salander would do if she moonlighted as a dancepop artist (you know, when she's not hacking computers and saving Sweden from far-right conspiracies).
Turkey (18): Manboats. ManBOATS. NEED I SAY MORE?! 10 points.
Spain (19) was mostly a snoozer. (I used that word a LOT this year.) To be honest, I thought Portugal deserved a berth more than this chick did - although they were both not exciting ballads, the Portuguese girl had an amazing voice, and better than Spain's.
The backup singers at the end kind of made this slightly Eurovision, but not enough.
Germany (20) I thought was lipsynching. Quinkie begs to differ, but it just seemed like the way he was moving his mouth did not match up to the words. I think I might have tabbed for most of this.
Malta (21)'s song was actually the only one that sounded like something contemporary. In this case, it's not a compliment - it sounds a lot like the throwaway pop you'd hear by some relatively cute music factory dude on a Top 40 station for a minute. The dancing was nice, though, and the DJ breakdanced for a bit.
Former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia (22) (or, as quinctia put it, Former Yugoslav Republic of GreeceIsAnAsshole) was actually the singer I was most attached to that made it. (I KNOW RIGHT. WEIRD) She got quite a bit better from her preview, and - let's be honest - a middle-aged woman in a pantsuit singing metal is pretty much what Eurovision should be about. And she nailed that screech. 3 points.
Ireland (23) was trolling us. By that, I mean Ireland themselves were trolling us. I think Jedward took it entirely seriously. NOT SURE WHETHER I SHOULD AWARD POINTS. Leaning towards not awarding points because I'm getting tight on them, and while I enjoy batshit Lannisters as much as anyone, I have a feeling this would encourage Cersei even more.
Serbia (24), I've decided, has mastered the art of the Eurovision ballad as a country. Not knowing anything about anyone, I would have picked him to win because it was perfectly structured to pander to Eastern Europe; and he's actually a big thing in Eastern Europe...which made him even more of a candidate to win. As such, 5 points because in Serbia, Eurovision is SRS MOTHERFUCKING BZNS.
Ukraine (25) was practically a drag show. I mean, video backup dancers. Actual skirted backup dancers playing horns. Video flash mob. This, along with Turkey, Romania, and the last act, was one of the ones I wanted to win. 6 points.
Moldova (26) is basically what Gogol Bordello should have been. This was my favorite act of the evening, and as such, I award him the full 12 points.
So yeah, it was hard to whittle it down to 10 points-worthy acts. And the run-down below:
- Moldova - 12 points
- Turkey - 10 points
- Romania - 8 points
- Sweden - 7 points
- Ukraine - 6 points
- Serbia - 5 points
- Iceland - 4 points
- Macedonia - 3 points
- France - 2 points
- Lithuania - 1 point
And end notes:
Watching 2007 again, I was struck by the parallels between the top two entries that year (Serbia's Marija Serifovic and Ukraine's Verka Serduchka) and the entries this year from those countries.
I think I was a bit more generous to Serbia's entry this year than I should have been objectively BECAUSE of 2007 lurking in my subconscious. Again, the Serbs know how to bring the drama, and the rest of the Balkans should take note. (Apparently, I think most of Europe agreed with me - Serbia's dude was really close to the Russian grannies, which I'm pretty sure got all their points from the call-ins.) It was the least forgettable of the ballads, which...isn't saying THAT much, but it says a lot.
Pivoting to Ukraine, let's be honest: Gaitana was not nearly as legendary as Verka - although I would have been fine with her winning and thought she was scored really low, there needed to be a bit more in terms of the crazy. So while I might have given the Serbian dude more points out of goodwill, I probably ended up downrating Ukraine a bit (although, at best, I'd switch her and Loreen from Sweden, although it seems even more unfair to have Sweden as a 6-pointer). However, I will note that she shined IN SPITE of the song - the song itself isn't that great, but she's a decent singer and she went all-out for her performance. (Then again, this is the Ukraine. They have a history of crack.)
Babuskhas were probably the hardest to score - they placed second overall, but I couldn't decide whether they deserved 10, 2, or 0 points. Of the "troll" acts this year, they were BY FAR the best - in that you got that everyone was in on the joke, and it was actually fun to listen to (unlike Austria, who really earned their name). Hence why I ended up being less charitable towards Jedward - they were a BIT too earnest for me. On the other hand, I hear they'll keep coming back to Eurovision until they win, so...
Honestly, Azerbaijan was the second hardest to score - mostly because while I thought her song was good, her country...I'm sorry, sucks. I know, I should talk - I'm an American, and I acknowledge that we do a lot of shitty things (like trying to impose our own morality on other countries, for starters). But on the other hand, while we do have our flaws (and pretty much no country is perfect), at least we're somewhat less repressive than Azerbaijan. (Which is to say, A LOT.) So, as much as I'd have liked to have awarded points, they were a no-go until the country cleans up its act. (Also, I love how they puffed up the dude who performed during the results portion...and NEGLECTED TO MENTION THAT HE WAS THE SON-IN-LAW OF THE PRESIDENT.)
And I had to correct myself - I got the automatic berths wrong. I THINK it should actually be Spain that automatically made the finals - which is the only way it makes sense that she was in the finals and Portugal wasn't. (Say what you will, Filipa Sousa brought it.)