back up
I am attempting a subconscious effort to consciously back up
because I am getting to close.
too close.
Sunday I was so hung over I woke up in the morning on Kyle’s floor curling around his trash can.
I had to puke for at least an hour before I could make it home.
Then I got into the bath and passed out for I don’t know how long.
I woke up to lukewarm water.
threw up some more.
finally got into bed
threw up some more.
Woke up around four and still felt sick, but good enough to move around so I ate a little something.
Good job Brittney, that solved a lot.
You’re awesome.
Really.
Anyway.
I have a really bad habit of making someone else’s life more important than mine.
I do this for several reasons:
1. I think if I am nice enough I can get anything I want (not true).
2. I like making people happy.
3. I can’t fix my own life so I try to fix other peoples.
4. I don’t like to deal with anything internal.
I am going to be happy.
I swear.
I am going to start making the right choices.
I am not going to be lazy.
I am going to make decisions for myself and not someone else.
I am going to clean more.
I am going to read/write/think more.
I am going to call all the boys I have been a total bitch to by giving them my number and then not answering the phone and I am going to tell them I am sorry but it is not a good time for me but thank for you being interested because I am flattered.
I am going to stop stumbling.
I just called to get more birth control.
Why the fuck to they make me call every month?
That is a pain in the ass.
I just called to get an appointment with the dentist.
I need to get my teeth cleaned.
But not only that, I guess I am going to take out a loan to get braces because I am sick of fucking hating my face. I am sick of ALWAYS covering my mouth.
I am going to look even more stupid with braches for the next few years, but oh fucking well. Maybe no one will want to date me so I can finally be left the fuck alone.
I am feeling really fucking crazy right now and it need to fix it.
as in
right now.
I am such a conspiracy theorist.
I am always convinced I am being lied to.
Maybe because I usually am.
I am letting it go.
like everything.
letting it go.
because I am getting to close.
too close.
Sunday I was so hung over I woke up in the morning on Kyle’s floor curling around his trash can.
I had to puke for at least an hour before I could make it home.
Then I got into the bath and passed out for I don’t know how long.
I woke up to lukewarm water.
threw up some more.
finally got into bed
threw up some more.
Woke up around four and still felt sick, but good enough to move around so I ate a little something.
Good job Brittney, that solved a lot.
You’re awesome.
Really.
Anyway.
I have a really bad habit of making someone else’s life more important than mine.
I do this for several reasons:
1. I think if I am nice enough I can get anything I want (not true).
2. I like making people happy.
3. I can’t fix my own life so I try to fix other peoples.
4. I don’t like to deal with anything internal.
I am going to be happy.
I swear.
I am going to start making the right choices.
I am not going to be lazy.
I am going to make decisions for myself and not someone else.
I am going to clean more.
I am going to read/write/think more.
I am going to call all the boys I have been a total bitch to by giving them my number and then not answering the phone and I am going to tell them I am sorry but it is not a good time for me but thank for you being interested because I am flattered.
I am going to stop stumbling.
I just called to get more birth control.
Why the fuck to they make me call every month?
That is a pain in the ass.
I just called to get an appointment with the dentist.
I need to get my teeth cleaned.
But not only that, I guess I am going to take out a loan to get braces because I am sick of fucking hating my face. I am sick of ALWAYS covering my mouth.
I am going to look even more stupid with braches for the next few years, but oh fucking well. Maybe no one will want to date me so I can finally be left the fuck alone.
I am feeling really fucking crazy right now and it need to fix it.
as in
right now.
I am such a conspiracy theorist.
I am always convinced I am being lied to.
Maybe because I usually am.
I am letting it go.
like everything.
letting it go.