Sideways
Bad day.
I woke up this morning crying.
Another dream where I can't save him. Different story, always the same outcome. He is bleeding from his stomach- someone has shot him. My hands are pressed tightly to his wound, but blood covers my knuckles. He looks up at me and I tell him I will help, that he will be okay.
He is not okay.
He is dead.
I try to get caught up in class, but I have to skip Spanish- again. The one class I really shouldn't.
I am hell bent on destroying anything positive in my life. I make up all these reasons that the positive is secretly negative and I just haven't been told yet. I just don't have all the information. Only a matter of time.
Today, I was driving to my moms and fantasized about being in a relationship with someone who beat me. So I could be strong enough to leave- or not.
Isn't that lovely.
I voted. You should have. Even if it doesn't matter- It's worth trying. All I can do is try.
Try.
I hate going home. I hate spending time there- it warps everything when I finally leave. I can't breath. I can't look at my mom without seeing her drunk. She ALWAYS smells like beer. Nothing she does rids herself of the smell.
I am bitching again. But it was just one of those days that I can't get things straight. Nothing makes sense. It feels like I am submerged underwater and sound is distant and distorted. I can't hear anything except my own boring complaining.
ew.
I am going to eat a sandwich now.
Currently Reading:
I woke up this morning crying.
Another dream where I can't save him. Different story, always the same outcome. He is bleeding from his stomach- someone has shot him. My hands are pressed tightly to his wound, but blood covers my knuckles. He looks up at me and I tell him I will help, that he will be okay.
He is not okay.
He is dead.
I try to get caught up in class, but I have to skip Spanish- again. The one class I really shouldn't.
I am hell bent on destroying anything positive in my life. I make up all these reasons that the positive is secretly negative and I just haven't been told yet. I just don't have all the information. Only a matter of time.
Today, I was driving to my moms and fantasized about being in a relationship with someone who beat me. So I could be strong enough to leave- or not.
Isn't that lovely.
I voted. You should have. Even if it doesn't matter- It's worth trying. All I can do is try.
Try.
I hate going home. I hate spending time there- it warps everything when I finally leave. I can't breath. I can't look at my mom without seeing her drunk. She ALWAYS smells like beer. Nothing she does rids herself of the smell.
I am bitching again. But it was just one of those days that I can't get things straight. Nothing makes sense. It feels like I am submerged underwater and sound is distant and distorted. I can't hear anything except my own boring complaining.
ew.
I am going to eat a sandwich now.
Currently Reading: