(no subject)
so i really don't want to do homework because.. i just don't. i have so many tests tomorrow that i'm just gonna fail because i'm not in the mood to study.
so when i saw the boy walking through the lunchroom, he looked over at me for a brief second, and nikki had to be stupid and look where he was going. because who would he be walking to? yeah that's right that fucking girl who jumped into his arms. he could have at least smiled at a friend. i mean he called me his friend. once.
and then i had to go and get excited for nothing. i didn't manage to get out of epoc fast enough to talk to him, but i saw him walk by the door, and when i came out, there he was waiting by the door. i turn right to go to choir, and he was like two steps away on the left. and so there he was in that dumb guy stance where they lean on a wall with one knee bent so their foot it on the wall. and so i turn and smile at him, and he turns away. he fucking turned away from me. i know that he saw me too. why is he being so horrible. i didn't think i did anything. look at me now, eyes watering, why do i let it bother me so much. i just can't help it if i have a stupid crush. i just always manage to pick the wrong guy.
so i guess know that he's too cool to even face in the same direction as me, i'm about ready to transfer schools. i know it seems extreme, but i can't look at him anymore. i can't hear his voice. i need to get as far away from him as possible, but i can't. north seems like such a big school, but he's everywhere i turn.
i hate this. i hate this so much. i want to stop liking him, but i can't. i tried forcing myself to think of other things, but then someone will ask how high school's going, or how my day's gone, and i can't help but think about him. he's such a jerk. i guess i was only his friend for those couple of weeks because i had boobs.
i hate this. i hate north. i hate him. i hate high school. every friend i make turns out to be a jerk. what is wrong with me.
i have amanda who;s always so nice and actually talks to me and calle me her 'favoriite freshman', and there's chelsea who's been so supportive lately, and i have sarah and jessie.
i'm trying to make friends with the kids in my classes, and it's working in a few. there's kaila and stan in my cultures class. and there's a couple in my epoc class like tyler who's great, and john, catie, andrew, and akonksha. and in french there's naomi and meenakshi. i wish young actors was doing a show. that's like the only place i have where i can trust people. it's like my home. the one place i have where i feel like i belong and fit in. i miss everything about it.
i better go and start that homework now, it's getting close to 6.
so long and goodnight.
so when i saw the boy walking through the lunchroom, he looked over at me for a brief second, and nikki had to be stupid and look where he was going. because who would he be walking to? yeah that's right that fucking girl who jumped into his arms. he could have at least smiled at a friend. i mean he called me his friend. once.
and then i had to go and get excited for nothing. i didn't manage to get out of epoc fast enough to talk to him, but i saw him walk by the door, and when i came out, there he was waiting by the door. i turn right to go to choir, and he was like two steps away on the left. and so there he was in that dumb guy stance where they lean on a wall with one knee bent so their foot it on the wall. and so i turn and smile at him, and he turns away. he fucking turned away from me. i know that he saw me too. why is he being so horrible. i didn't think i did anything. look at me now, eyes watering, why do i let it bother me so much. i just can't help it if i have a stupid crush. i just always manage to pick the wrong guy.
so i guess know that he's too cool to even face in the same direction as me, i'm about ready to transfer schools. i know it seems extreme, but i can't look at him anymore. i can't hear his voice. i need to get as far away from him as possible, but i can't. north seems like such a big school, but he's everywhere i turn.
i hate this. i hate this so much. i want to stop liking him, but i can't. i tried forcing myself to think of other things, but then someone will ask how high school's going, or how my day's gone, and i can't help but think about him. he's such a jerk. i guess i was only his friend for those couple of weeks because i had boobs.
i hate this. i hate north. i hate him. i hate high school. every friend i make turns out to be a jerk. what is wrong with me.
i have amanda who;s always so nice and actually talks to me and calle me her 'favoriite freshman', and there's chelsea who's been so supportive lately, and i have sarah and jessie.
i'm trying to make friends with the kids in my classes, and it's working in a few. there's kaila and stan in my cultures class. and there's a couple in my epoc class like tyler who's great, and john, catie, andrew, and akonksha. and in french there's naomi and meenakshi. i wish young actors was doing a show. that's like the only place i have where i can trust people. it's like my home. the one place i have where i feel like i belong and fit in. i miss everything about it.
i better go and start that homework now, it's getting close to 6.
so long and goodnight.