Allegiance without family
I rejected my family quite a while ago. After years of ignoring my clearly stated desire to have nothing more to do with them, in the past year my family (by which I mean my sister) has finally almost left off contacting me. I occasionally get a bit of news garnished with the usual thick sauce of hostility, but not on a regular basis at least.
It is a relief. It is what I wanted.
I think most of us construct our identity partly from the culture of the family who raised us &/or contributed the DNA that makes us. Walking away from that, & being admittedly cynical about my "communities" (which I cannot type without the scare quotes), what am I?
I do remember at least some of what I experienced & was taught growing up, & noses like mine must be born, not built. I don't reject my entire past, but I have worked hard to free myself of its restrictions. At this point, I would consider it disrespectful of those who still live in those worlds for me to choose labels that include what they continue to live.
I'm cynical but still OK with being one of the communities I've hooked up with since. For example, I am queer. I am an artist. I am a happily sex-poz perv, regardless of the near celibacy I've fallen into. But other than "artist," I don't know whether I want to embrace any of that as an identity. "Queer" & "sex-poz" in particular seem more like stereotypes than proper communities or identities.
If I were a character I were building in a book, what would make up the thick black parts of my outline? Which crayons would I choose to color in the biggest parts of me?
I won't figure this out today. Now I have to shower & dress for work. (Although I love this job & didn't even feel tempted when I recently got a message from a headhunter about a job that would pay MUCH more & be interesting & suitable-in an intellectual, technical way only-this job is not "me." I regard it as temporary & as not comprising "me"-like any job.)
It is a relief. It is what I wanted.
I think most of us construct our identity partly from the culture of the family who raised us &/or contributed the DNA that makes us. Walking away from that, & being admittedly cynical about my "communities" (which I cannot type without the scare quotes), what am I?
I do remember at least some of what I experienced & was taught growing up, & noses like mine must be born, not built. I don't reject my entire past, but I have worked hard to free myself of its restrictions. At this point, I would consider it disrespectful of those who still live in those worlds for me to choose labels that include what they continue to live.
I'm cynical but still OK with being one of the communities I've hooked up with since. For example, I am queer. I am an artist. I am a happily sex-poz perv, regardless of the near celibacy I've fallen into. But other than "artist," I don't know whether I want to embrace any of that as an identity. "Queer" & "sex-poz" in particular seem more like stereotypes than proper communities or identities.
If I were a character I were building in a book, what would make up the thick black parts of my outline? Which crayons would I choose to color in the biggest parts of me?
I won't figure this out today. Now I have to shower & dress for work. (Although I love this job & didn't even feel tempted when I recently got a message from a headhunter about a job that would pay MUCH more & be interesting & suitable-in an intellectual, technical way only-this job is not "me." I regard it as temporary & as not comprising "me"-like any job.)