Pride will not be televised
Dyke March today, Pride Parade tomorrow. For those who are going, have fun!
I won't be.
I listened to my coworkers (all of whom are het) discussing their weekend plans this week. One of the entertainment options they discussed was attending the Pride Parade. That's always a good time, they said. They're right, it is! (I wasn't technically part of this conversation. It's a cube farm so I can't help eavesdropping.)
I watched my queer friends discuss their activities for this weekend - which they're going to attend, what parties they're throwing around it. I was even invited to a couple. I think it's great they're participating!
But I have zero interest in attending the march or parade. Why?
I'm not exactly bitter about the move from Broadway to downtown, although I do see that as the political dumbing down of the event. It's an inevitable evolution. We're not in that part of the revolution any more that properly celebrated by Taking Over Our Own Damn Neighborhood. That's so 1980! Things change. I get it. So that's not it.
I realized today that the real reason I don't attend these things is the ghosts. There are too many. It's not what IS there nowadays, but my memory of what is NOT, that keeps me away. I'm not capable of seeing today's fun, good stuff, the event as it is. For me, that gets crowded out by the no-longer-in-existence fun, good people. The ghost of flamboyance past, I suppose.
Life is in almost every way better for queers now than it was during the time I remember too damn clearly. I wish those ghosts could remanifest for one day to see it. That's not possible. So instead, they stand in front of today's celebration, blocking it, & they look at me with empty, longing eyes.
My celebration of pride, if you don't mind, is to sit shiva on all yesterday's parties.
I won't be.
I listened to my coworkers (all of whom are het) discussing their weekend plans this week. One of the entertainment options they discussed was attending the Pride Parade. That's always a good time, they said. They're right, it is! (I wasn't technically part of this conversation. It's a cube farm so I can't help eavesdropping.)
I watched my queer friends discuss their activities for this weekend - which they're going to attend, what parties they're throwing around it. I was even invited to a couple. I think it's great they're participating!
But I have zero interest in attending the march or parade. Why?
I'm not exactly bitter about the move from Broadway to downtown, although I do see that as the political dumbing down of the event. It's an inevitable evolution. We're not in that part of the revolution any more that properly celebrated by Taking Over Our Own Damn Neighborhood. That's so 1980! Things change. I get it. So that's not it.
I realized today that the real reason I don't attend these things is the ghosts. There are too many. It's not what IS there nowadays, but my memory of what is NOT, that keeps me away. I'm not capable of seeing today's fun, good stuff, the event as it is. For me, that gets crowded out by the no-longer-in-existence fun, good people. The ghost of flamboyance past, I suppose.
Life is in almost every way better for queers now than it was during the time I remember too damn clearly. I wish those ghosts could remanifest for one day to see it. That's not possible. So instead, they stand in front of today's celebration, blocking it, & they look at me with empty, longing eyes.
My celebration of pride, if you don't mind, is to sit shiva on all yesterday's parties.