(no subject)
yeah, so yesterday at the graduation ceremony i started thinking. a lot of thinking. i started regreting things and trying to make decisions. lets start with the regrets. its only a few and they may seem minor to some of you, but to me they're horribly large because the opportuinty is gone..... forever. first off i regret not trying out for football, even if i only made jv or didnt make it at all, at least i tried and showed what i had. i regret not trying baseball. i know i was on golf, but that just sucked towards the end. i love baseball. thats my sport. granted its a lot different from summer league to school, but i woulda tried, i know i wouldnt have done as good on school league as summer, but again, at least i tried and showed what i had. and as some of you know, i didnt go to project graduation. i dont know why i didnt go, but i just didnt. and now that i see how much fun everyone had, i wish i woulda gone to mine. but now that is gone and i can never re-do it. its a lost hope, no, thats not the right word. its a lost opportunity that ill never get back.
now this is kinda emo i guess. i think it is but make of it what u will.
when brandon stood up and took off his gown to show his marines uniform, he got a standing ovation, everyone cheered. everyone is proud of him, and he is proud of what he is, a marine, someone who stands up for his beliefs, someone who fights (will fight?) for his rights and his country. when i see a person in a military uniform, or sometimes even a fireman or police officer, i just want to go up to them and simply say "thank you". you would not believe how far those 2 little words coming from someone you've never met will go. its gotta be a moving and a very gratifying feeling.
i want to be somone or something special. i want to be remembered. i want people to look at me and think to themselves "... hero".
but i dont know what i want to do or what it want to become to make that possible. seeing brandon in his uniform and all the other people entering the military or those who were in uniform in the crowd of friends and family made me feel ..................... insignificant. i feel like im not doing anything. almost worthless. dont get me wrong, i love my job, and most of my co-workers, but i make wires for generators. woopty fuckin doo. people look at me and think "grunt worker". i want to make a difference but i dont know how.
i want to make a difference......
"....... zero?"