(no subject)
so..im sitting here. vannah is sleeping. i cant sleep. i want to sleep, but i cant. im restless. i wish i could just tell myself in a perfect little sentence exactly how i feel right now, but i cant. i never can. i guess nobody ever really can. i dont know how i feel. if i could pick a simple word to describe myself right now it would be lost. i am lost. i have no idea whats going on with my life. i have no idea what might just happen next. i feel like im so powerless..like i cant control anything..im in one of those moods where i just wanna run away. run far far away from everything..and go somewhere where i dont know anybody and just start over. but i guess you cant run from urself right? iv tried. i cant ever. i dont even know what i want. i know what i think i want..but i really dont know what i want. what i want with anything.i feel like im just running and running and im out of energy but i still just keep running. i feel so blind to everything. i cant tell the lies from the truth now..i cant even tell my own. i dont know what to beleive..and i dont know when to get high hopes and when not to. i dont know what to expect. i dont know what to look forward to. it seems like everything happens at random. i listen to all the same songs over and over again..i guess trying to realize something from them..i never will. it feels good to cry..but it feels better to smile.love taught me to cry.. what am i doing so wrong. what am i doing to make me feel like i have no clue. when did life get so sad.. when did this stuff start to matter anyways.. i wish i could go back. i wish i could change all this around. iv fallen and maybe my problem is that i just dont feel like getting up anymore.