ehhh

[i_luh_yo_face]

this is a really good time for an update. lots going on with me these days. i really dont have the energy to explain everything evn though it would make things more understandable. anyways since ive been up here or at least since the second week, ive been talking to this grl i met. shes really nice and cool and cute. anyways we did our share of fooling aournd, maybe too much. at first i didnt want a gf and i madew it clear and she was fine so we keopt on doing the samer hthings we were doing. eventually we got over that and started to date. for some reason that put me in a weird mood and it was rough at first. got through that then we had a little problem. long story. anyways decided it was best to jsut be friends. blah blah more stuff happened. theres lots of things that come into play. anyways we had a little fight didnt talk for a day and jsut started tlaking again now about eveything and idk wut to do. i can read peopel so good but she always keeps me guessing somehow and idk if it bothers me or intrigues me.maybe both.its really hardthough cuz peoplekeep telling me things and i cant tell if im the stupid one getting played or theyre jsut wrong.ahh icant take it though, its not like theyre talking shit cuz theyre n the type of people to do that. its like theyre doign it looking out for me but i try not to listen but i cant helpt it .thats wut fucks me up it makles me sexond guess how i feel and idk.people tell me oo shes not doing en thing shes hanging outwith so and so and theyre goign on a date and blahblah. idk wut to belive.theres other guys she tlaks to that like her and i cant help but feel really jealous. what does that mean? that im just a greedy slut who wants her to myself? or does it bother me cuz i rteally care for her? its bothering me so much.i have no clue wut to do. or maybe i know exactly wut i should do buyt im too scared to do it?? i think its just i dont wanna commit to ne thing, but i should. thats wut ive always said i wanted and then when i can have it i act stupid, but its like i keep getting these opportunites to be with here but i freeze up. ive messed up plently with grls. not taken chances when i had them for wutever reason and later on i always think to myself y didnt i just try it out. y not jsut date for awhile and see wut happens? i cant help but think that i keep getting second chances with her for a reason. i feel like if i pass it up again itll be gone. maybe i jsut need to suck it up and have a girlfriend anfd be a good boyfriend. i think the problem is all the sudden i can get the attention of grls now and im being greedy. i dont want to have a gf cuz i want to be able to be with other grls. now that sounds horrible. its almost like being a player i nguess, and honestly i dont want o be like that but thats just the way i was seeing everything. it sounds bad but its honest. so basically while writing that last sentence i decided fuck all theother grls, in a unmean way, i haveone great grl and i wont brush her off like the others.

now all i have to do is make up for all the trouble i caused her and then go get her!!

im on a misson
wish me luck
i neeed it :/