I'm upset.
Blah. I am very upset. Lately I have been slightly depressed. My grandfather's 3 months since he passed away is tomorrow. I am not looking forward to even being around my family tomorrow because just like today..they get all emotional. I am an emotional wreck about the whole situation itself..so people talking about it more just makes me worse. I know we all miss him but I don't know. I just hate knowing he's really not around. It's not fair and I know life isn't fair..but I hate death. I'll never be able to understand it. It hurts people. I miss him so much. I've cried all week..I guess because I am finally getting the point that he isn't coming back. And I'm trying to live my life the way he would want me to. I want him to be proud of his " little girl ". I don't want him to wish I did something different or have me change something I did. Gah. He was honestly one of the most amazing people I've ever met. He was soo smart and full of so much wisdom. Everyday I miss him more. Family events and holidays totally suck without him. I'm definitely going to miss him on my birthday and Christmas most.
Here is what I wrote to him at his funeral.
"We are all here today to celebrate and honor the life of a wonderful human being. A man of wisdom and generosity. A man who cared less about himself and more about the people around him, whether you were a stranger or part of our family. He was his last priority. A man who touched all of our lives in many different ways. Whether you knew him personally or just by his huge smile and wave while he was tending to his yard. He was an extremely amazing husband, father, grandfather and friend. Words cannot express personally what he meant to me. I never thought, any of us thought today would come so soon, so here I go trying to sum up into words how this incredible man meant to me. He was the man who lit up the room when he walked into it, he was the one voice you heard over everyone else, the one who would go out of his way to give you a hug and kiss, the one who by the smile on his face you knew how much he enjoyed your company, the one who made you feel so important while you were in his presence, the one that family meant most to and for that I will always remain close to my family. Without your family you have nothing and he taught me that. Without the support of my family here I wouldn't be able to get up and stand here today and talk about this man that meant the world to me. I want him to always look down on me and be proud of " his girl "..his only granddaughter. For as long as I live I will always make sure I am doing ALL I can to make him proud. In my heart I know he is with us now and forever and when I graduate he will bet here and when I get married he'll be there too. I know he will always be around and he will always be smiling that famous smile. So today and everyday we will honor him by the amazing amount of memories we have and through is wisdom, lectures and stories that remain in us forever, we all have a piece of him in us. "
Here is what I wrote to him at his funeral.
"We are all here today to celebrate and honor the life of a wonderful human being. A man of wisdom and generosity. A man who cared less about himself and more about the people around him, whether you were a stranger or part of our family. He was his last priority. A man who touched all of our lives in many different ways. Whether you knew him personally or just by his huge smile and wave while he was tending to his yard. He was an extremely amazing husband, father, grandfather and friend. Words cannot express personally what he meant to me. I never thought, any of us thought today would come so soon, so here I go trying to sum up into words how this incredible man meant to me. He was the man who lit up the room when he walked into it, he was the one voice you heard over everyone else, the one who would go out of his way to give you a hug and kiss, the one who by the smile on his face you knew how much he enjoyed your company, the one who made you feel so important while you were in his presence, the one that family meant most to and for that I will always remain close to my family. Without your family you have nothing and he taught me that. Without the support of my family here I wouldn't be able to get up and stand here today and talk about this man that meant the world to me. I want him to always look down on me and be proud of " his girl "..his only granddaughter. For as long as I live I will always make sure I am doing ALL I can to make him proud. In my heart I know he is with us now and forever and when I graduate he will bet here and when I get married he'll be there too. I know he will always be around and he will always be smiling that famous smile. So today and everyday we will honor him by the amazing amount of memories we have and through is wisdom, lectures and stories that remain in us forever, we all have a piece of him in us. "