A Bum Named Rebel
His name is Rebel. I think I’m a fucker…a fucker for waking him up, for asking him if he was in Vietnam…for giving him money to further perpetuate his alcoholism. Well what do you know…not only was he a Vet but he was a P.O.W. First he was like…”dude, why do you want to know? Why would you ask that?” I had really crossed the line of what is humane and inhumane. I didn’t know…I don’t know. But he said it was ok. I was thinking yea right…I’ve crossed the line. Lots of the time, I was just waiting for this guy to whip out his buck knife and gut me. Shit…I deserved it. But I asked my fucking question…I was going to get my answer. He told me about being a prisoner in Vietnam. He told me about a little girl who kept him alive by dropping food, water, and even cigarettes into the pit that they had him in. Looking into his eyes, through all of that hair…what I saw made me want to vomit. I can’t describe death, I can’t describe excruciating pain, I’ve never been thrown into a pit to die, I’ve never seen an angel, I’ve never been addicted to heroine, I haven’t lived on the streets for 21 years, but for the time that I looked into his eyes, I almost died. That stare gave me a feeling of complete hopelessness…and I think that he realized that. From that point on, the conversation got a little bit more upbeat…about as upbeat as anything can get leaving hell. Rebel was a truly interesting character.
His dislike of our government makes plenty of sense. He kept on telling me that he had a million dollars in an ATM behind us. But that he chooses to be homeless because the system is fucked up. Well, Austin, there’s your Nihilist. That’s what I thought he was anyway. But I guess I was way off. He said that he wasn’t a Nihilist as much as he was a
“Realist”. Cool, cool. His philosophy on life is a simple one (he made sure I remembered it too). The first thing he said was that there was no reason to live if you didn’t try to help everyone around you every single day. Knowledge included. Just simply sharing a piece of information with someone. I cant’ honestly say that I understood everything that he was telling me, and I let him know it too. Being a realist and all, Rebel said that he took every single day as they came. He takes days minute by minute and never looks back. We had a laugh about how things show up around his head when he wakes up. Things like money…and sandwiches. People are nice, and he said that he never turns away a donation. At that point I felt like a dick because I had just given him a buck and had woken him up too. But I guess, like he said, I was curious. I mean, shit, what does a “bum” have to say? This guy’s 54 as of yesterday. 21 of those years he hasn’t left campus. I’m thinking he’s a book ready to be written. And, surprise, surprise, someone from the Daily Illini is writing a book about his life. He thought it was funny that I wanted to buy a copy…I was sort of like ok ok. He asked me if I wanted to know anything else about him and I gave him a definite no. I told him that I needed to go write a paper and so we said our goodbyes. As one final word, he quoted something from Freud; “ it’s a fine line between sanity and insanity”. Where the fuck has this guy been all my life? But I guess that philosophies are repeated and people do think alike. Anyway, Espresso I closing in a few minutes so I’d better pack up.
I will never forgive myself for asking him about Vietnam.
His dislike of our government makes plenty of sense. He kept on telling me that he had a million dollars in an ATM behind us. But that he chooses to be homeless because the system is fucked up. Well, Austin, there’s your Nihilist. That’s what I thought he was anyway. But I guess I was way off. He said that he wasn’t a Nihilist as much as he was a
“Realist”. Cool, cool. His philosophy on life is a simple one (he made sure I remembered it too). The first thing he said was that there was no reason to live if you didn’t try to help everyone around you every single day. Knowledge included. Just simply sharing a piece of information with someone. I cant’ honestly say that I understood everything that he was telling me, and I let him know it too. Being a realist and all, Rebel said that he took every single day as they came. He takes days minute by minute and never looks back. We had a laugh about how things show up around his head when he wakes up. Things like money…and sandwiches. People are nice, and he said that he never turns away a donation. At that point I felt like a dick because I had just given him a buck and had woken him up too. But I guess, like he said, I was curious. I mean, shit, what does a “bum” have to say? This guy’s 54 as of yesterday. 21 of those years he hasn’t left campus. I’m thinking he’s a book ready to be written. And, surprise, surprise, someone from the Daily Illini is writing a book about his life. He thought it was funny that I wanted to buy a copy…I was sort of like ok ok. He asked me if I wanted to know anything else about him and I gave him a definite no. I told him that I needed to go write a paper and so we said our goodbyes. As one final word, he quoted something from Freud; “ it’s a fine line between sanity and insanity”. Where the fuck has this guy been all my life? But I guess that philosophies are repeated and people do think alike. Anyway, Espresso I closing in a few minutes so I’d better pack up.
I will never forgive myself for asking him about Vietnam.