(no subject)
Well for like the past month or two i've been working two jobs and I just dont have time for anything anymore lately...or so it seems. But the money is nice thats for damn sure.
Well my fourth of july sucked because I was working both of my jobs...But at speedway I was making $14.00 an hour fuck yea man. So that was cool but then after that I had to work at kfc :( But oh well it was some more money. Plus it was raining anyways So its not like I missed out on much because I ususally get a headache afterwards anyways so yea I didnt really care. Plus I am in a ton of pain because I am burnt like woah from the sun. Because sunday me,doug,doug's mom and dad,his sisters and his sister rachels bf all went to lake michigan. We were there like all day and we went shopping and crap. I had mostly a bad day because things kept going wrong but it was still fun. Plus Rachel got engaged and I am so happy for her because her bf Gabe treats her really good plus the engagment ring he got her is almost one carat and its platinum I was like holy shit by looking at it!Plus after the whole speaking of the engagement Doug told me that me and him are next which I do belive him. We have been together for a year now and we are still going strong. I mean ya we do fight..over stupid shit mostly. But I do love the man. I love him with all of my heart.
Hmm what else has been happening...I have two credit cards now which is cool.But only one of them has been activated so far because yea I want to get the first bill paid off which shouldnt be much before I get the second one turned on and I am only going to use one of them once a month so I dont kill my self with the damn bills. Smart move becky..yay lol.
I miss all of my friends. I never get to talk to them anymore..nor do I get to see them. Only the people I work with. All I do is sleep,work,and eat...and on my days off I am like so busy with all the other shit I have to do. But its rare that I get a day off from both jobs So its like i'm working 7 days a week. But it pays the bills...but Doug has noticed that it is making me I guess you could say sad looking all the time. His parents are starting to worry about me and crap and I really dont want them to worry about me. I think it is possibly my depression kicking in again...but I dont want to think about that. I just want to live my life. So what if i'm working two jobs right now and its making my days roll into like a huge one but fuck it. I mean for the most part I am happy. I just need to eventually go to one of the jobs. I mean I am tuff for the most part. Or so I think. But lately I feel like I am getting weaker..kinda like i'm not my self anymore. When we were on our way to saugatuck..we pass the grand rapids exit...I almost cryed because I really miss my family and friends there....I wanna go home for a couple of days but I am going to have to wait so I can put in for the time off from both jobs. I just wanna hang out with my friends..go to beltline bar..take my grand parents out to dinner show them that I am doing good and I can do nice things for them. I want to be able to show my family and Friends that I have come along way from what I used to be. Plus tonight I decided that it is time for me to quit smoking...and yes I know i have said that alot. But I think I am finally ready to kick the habit..plus I think its just kinda a nervous reaction or when I get bored. I mean like right now I want a cig but I think its just because I am sitting here alone. When I'm alone I noticed that I smoke a lot more.OH well...so yea no more for me hopefully if I have enough ambition to actually go through with it. We shall see.
It sucks I get online like once in a while now...and everytime I get online there is like no one online to talk to...and I miss my friends who I used to talk to on here...but yea I guess that is the way it goes for me. I seem to lose friends all the time. I am not quite sure I do it...but I do...I miss talking to Mary ...and I seen her sister the other day at speedway and I went to talk to her online one day but she never replied..so yea she was probably sleeping which I should probably do here soon because I have like another super long day ahead of me like ususal. But hey I just am going to keep moving forward and try to save up so I can get my ass in college...and I talked to Dougs parents tonight and I know that they are pushing me to go to college and I know why because they know that I can make something better for myself and I know that I can to. I was thinking about going this fall but it just wont work for me because I have the two jobs and I just have so much going on this fall. So yes next fall I am going no matter what I wont let things hold me back. Plus I have decided that by my birthday I want to have my lisence so the next day I have off during hours at secretary of state I am going and getting my permit again and I am going to start driving and I am going to get my damn lisence!
Its time for me to get my own car and my own lisence and stop relying on other people to do things for me because I am 19 goign to be 20 in september and its about fucking time I grow up. well this is my post for now. until i get time to make another one but i should get my ass in bed so i can get some rest for that long ass day tomarrow.
Well my fourth of july sucked because I was working both of my jobs...But at speedway I was making $14.00 an hour fuck yea man. So that was cool but then after that I had to work at kfc :( But oh well it was some more money. Plus it was raining anyways So its not like I missed out on much because I ususally get a headache afterwards anyways so yea I didnt really care. Plus I am in a ton of pain because I am burnt like woah from the sun. Because sunday me,doug,doug's mom and dad,his sisters and his sister rachels bf all went to lake michigan. We were there like all day and we went shopping and crap. I had mostly a bad day because things kept going wrong but it was still fun. Plus Rachel got engaged and I am so happy for her because her bf Gabe treats her really good plus the engagment ring he got her is almost one carat and its platinum I was like holy shit by looking at it!Plus after the whole speaking of the engagement Doug told me that me and him are next which I do belive him. We have been together for a year now and we are still going strong. I mean ya we do fight..over stupid shit mostly. But I do love the man. I love him with all of my heart.
Hmm what else has been happening...I have two credit cards now which is cool.But only one of them has been activated so far because yea I want to get the first bill paid off which shouldnt be much before I get the second one turned on and I am only going to use one of them once a month so I dont kill my self with the damn bills. Smart move becky..yay lol.
I miss all of my friends. I never get to talk to them anymore..nor do I get to see them. Only the people I work with. All I do is sleep,work,and eat...and on my days off I am like so busy with all the other shit I have to do. But its rare that I get a day off from both jobs So its like i'm working 7 days a week. But it pays the bills...but Doug has noticed that it is making me I guess you could say sad looking all the time. His parents are starting to worry about me and crap and I really dont want them to worry about me. I think it is possibly my depression kicking in again...but I dont want to think about that. I just want to live my life. So what if i'm working two jobs right now and its making my days roll into like a huge one but fuck it. I mean for the most part I am happy. I just need to eventually go to one of the jobs. I mean I am tuff for the most part. Or so I think. But lately I feel like I am getting weaker..kinda like i'm not my self anymore. When we were on our way to saugatuck..we pass the grand rapids exit...I almost cryed because I really miss my family and friends there....I wanna go home for a couple of days but I am going to have to wait so I can put in for the time off from both jobs. I just wanna hang out with my friends..go to beltline bar..take my grand parents out to dinner show them that I am doing good and I can do nice things for them. I want to be able to show my family and Friends that I have come along way from what I used to be. Plus tonight I decided that it is time for me to quit smoking...and yes I know i have said that alot. But I think I am finally ready to kick the habit..plus I think its just kinda a nervous reaction or when I get bored. I mean like right now I want a cig but I think its just because I am sitting here alone. When I'm alone I noticed that I smoke a lot more.OH well...so yea no more for me hopefully if I have enough ambition to actually go through with it. We shall see.
It sucks I get online like once in a while now...and everytime I get online there is like no one online to talk to...and I miss my friends who I used to talk to on here...but yea I guess that is the way it goes for me. I seem to lose friends all the time. I am not quite sure I do it...but I do...I miss talking to Mary ...and I seen her sister the other day at speedway and I went to talk to her online one day but she never replied..so yea she was probably sleeping which I should probably do here soon because I have like another super long day ahead of me like ususal. But hey I just am going to keep moving forward and try to save up so I can get my ass in college...and I talked to Dougs parents tonight and I know that they are pushing me to go to college and I know why because they know that I can make something better for myself and I know that I can to. I was thinking about going this fall but it just wont work for me because I have the two jobs and I just have so much going on this fall. So yes next fall I am going no matter what I wont let things hold me back. Plus I have decided that by my birthday I want to have my lisence so the next day I have off during hours at secretary of state I am going and getting my permit again and I am going to start driving and I am going to get my damn lisence!
Its time for me to get my own car and my own lisence and stop relying on other people to do things for me because I am 19 goign to be 20 in september and its about fucking time I grow up. well this is my post for now. until i get time to make another one but i should get my ass in bed so i can get some rest for that long ass day tomarrow.