Wow I haven't use this forever
Well I haven't use this forever. It like before things happen in my life and now things do but now it is and I need somewhere to vent. No one will reads this but in case one does don't tell any of this to my mom. Like I would right this on facebook but everyone reads it and i have my most of my family there or people that talk to my mom and they repeat anything that I say to my mom. So this is the only place I have left and to tell you the truth I hate life right now. Everything sucks to me right now. Like it all started this summer when this guy that I have been dating for 11 months almost 12 dump me and really step on my heart. Like he rip it out and torn up to the point where I cant fix it and put it back it me and ever since that I can't kept a boyfriend because I am scared to get close because I did everything for that guy sure I made a lot of mistake but he did not have to use for sexually stuff two days before he dump me. But never since that I can't get close to any guy. Then my home life is not that much better. I got force to get help even though I am 18. I know I am fuck up but there nothing that a fucking person can do for me. They are going to tell me what I heard before when I was getting help like it drives me up the wall I hate it right now I wish I could die in a hole no one will miss me, people say they will but they will forget about in time.Everyone does like I know this sounds bad but I forgot about my mom and it is going on 5 years, Like I don't mean I just forgot everything about her like your voice your smiling and what she looks like. I have pictures but they were taking when I was 4 and she died when I was 12. So people will miss me at first but then they will forget about me. Then there is my fucking gay ass family that blames me for everything. My mom side blames me for her death and then there is my dad side that blames me for him disappearing. Then there is school, man I hate it there so much. I don't want to wake up in the morning for anything. I look forward to nothing in my day. Sure I might look like I do but that is all a act. I might look like I am fine but when I am at home alone I cry and sometimes I cry myself a sleep like I don't want to do anything. Then there is all my friends, well I don't have much friends. But there is some of them that don't want to live and really I can't do anything because my life is not in order. Man I wish I can just go back to my old life where is was drugs and alcohol and where I didn't give a fuck life would be so much better . Life was so much better I didn't care about anything which was great!!!! because I had no heart and when you have no heart you can't get hurt, but when you have a heart you can get hurt. Man I know when I am bad when music can't even cheer me up. Well I am going to go and trying to cheer up.