to make it or not to make it?? that is the question...
Currently Playing
Fly
By Dixie Chicks
see related
***** Dont read I am just rambling it doesn't even make sense******
well it is most definatly 2:44 in the AM! At least it is not Monday tomorrow! I can sleep in... Sleep wait I would have to be asleep for that!!! I am going a little nutty right now! I figgiting with everything right now! I am insane! I am doing what I can! I am doing my best! I hope I dont have to restart my days! I have made it 10 days! I dont think I can! I really want to! maybe if I just keep it small and not needs stiches it will take the edge off! I just need some release! Now that the rents know They gave me the pep talk that thinks are going to change and the I am going to hate it and that I have to tell them when I cut and be more open! Wellyou know what BULL FUCKING SHIT!!!! I haven't been open sense I was born! our family covers all their shit up. And just because mine might kill me or severly hurt me they are concerned! They bearly flinched when I told them a year ago. But because this time when I told them I had stiches. There was no difference in now and a year ago! I am stil going through alot of shit! It just seems like more and more. Ever sense I ran aawya for the first time when I was like 7 or 6 or even younger! I never had a way that helped me deal with anything and I never had any good coping mechanisms. Through my middle school hell and being the butt of every joke and being one of the tallest people and the like only girl that was developed and that was pickon like a freaking peice of SHIT! I hated middle school! Then when I was really lonely in High school and I didn't think anyone cared and I just had heard about cutting form I dont know where. I thought I would see if it relesed my tension frustration and i didn't feel anything I bearly remeber it. it all was a blurry night! It is the first thing that gave me the satifaction of being real of feeling my true feelings. I was able to deal with them for the first time! I felt amazing! That sounds stupid! but it did! it is what works for me it dont know how to explain it! I only did it the few times when I got my release and I was happy I made friends and didn't do it again until last year. Then I almost made it a year and here I am! I am just crazy... maybe my therapist is right maybe I am Bipolar! maybe I should just fall off the face of the earth. I dont know what else to do Idont know what works for me. NOTHING!!! or CUTTING! I swear I am burzurk! I just wan to so bad! I need to go its 3:23 now! I am out you weirdos!
Fly
By Dixie Chicks
see related
***** Dont read I am just rambling it doesn't even make sense******
well it is most definatly 2:44 in the AM! At least it is not Monday tomorrow! I can sleep in... Sleep wait I would have to be asleep for that!!! I am going a little nutty right now! I figgiting with everything right now! I am insane! I am doing what I can! I am doing my best! I hope I dont have to restart my days! I have made it 10 days! I dont think I can! I really want to! maybe if I just keep it small and not needs stiches it will take the edge off! I just need some release! Now that the rents know They gave me the pep talk that thinks are going to change and the I am going to hate it and that I have to tell them when I cut and be more open! Wellyou know what BULL FUCKING SHIT!!!! I haven't been open sense I was born! our family covers all their shit up. And just because mine might kill me or severly hurt me they are concerned! They bearly flinched when I told them a year ago. But because this time when I told them I had stiches. There was no difference in now and a year ago! I am stil going through alot of shit! It just seems like more and more. Ever sense I ran aawya for the first time when I was like 7 or 6 or even younger! I never had a way that helped me deal with anything and I never had any good coping mechanisms. Through my middle school hell and being the butt of every joke and being one of the tallest people and the like only girl that was developed and that was pickon like a freaking peice of SHIT! I hated middle school! Then when I was really lonely in High school and I didn't think anyone cared and I just had heard about cutting form I dont know where. I thought I would see if it relesed my tension frustration and i didn't feel anything I bearly remeber it. it all was a blurry night! It is the first thing that gave me the satifaction of being real of feeling my true feelings. I was able to deal with them for the first time! I felt amazing! That sounds stupid! but it did! it is what works for me it dont know how to explain it! I only did it the few times when I got my release and I was happy I made friends and didn't do it again until last year. Then I almost made it a year and here I am! I am just crazy... maybe my therapist is right maybe I am Bipolar! maybe I should just fall off the face of the earth. I dont know what else to do Idont know what works for me. NOTHING!!! or CUTTING! I swear I am burzurk! I just wan to so bad! I need to go its 3:23 now! I am out you weirdos!