if i find my way how much will i find?

[i_lost_the_war_]

this staring is making me sick.
so i'm at work trying to figure out what the hell i should do with myself. i still have two hours and a half to go with nothing to do but surf the web and hope that my girlfriend will pick up her phone. i'm bored and i just want to hear her voice. i just want to see what's she's doing. i just want to tell her i miss her and that i know i've been acting a little more than weird these past couple of days but it's nothing i can't fix. i feel like the weight of the world is beginning to press hard on my shoulders i'm struggling under the weight. everyday my chest gets a little more tighter and i'm finding it harder to breathe. i hope she'll understand... i'm not perfect. sometimes i crack. sometimes i'm not as strong as i should be. sometimes i make mistakes and become a little less caring because i can't find the strength to care anymore. i'm not perfect as much as i wish i could be.

so will you forgive me?
tell me honestly. i can take it. it's better that i know now before i start planning the rest of our lives together.
oh wait.
that part is too late.