"It's possble to love someone, it's possible to change the world"
I have been very busy lately. I had three weddings last weekend, one of which I helped to set up everything for. They all went very well and all the brides and grooms looked perfect and happy. Good for them, I wish them the best. I even wrote a poem in my head during the one service that was in a church, though I need to run through it a couple times to work out the cadence more. I really do suck at poetry, too much emotion for me.
Other people were talking about getting married while we were there, as well as my friends that are already married. It happens. But then people start turning to me and asking me when I am going to get married. And all I can do is laugh and say "Well maybe never." This combined with family already eying me up like I should be married by now. I can't tell the family maybe never. That portion is very religious, Orthodox Jewish to be precise, and I doubt they would understand my views on love. Many people seem not to understand.
See I don't see love as being nearly so simplistic. I don't think my life has to follow the formula of "Fall in love. Get married. Have children." I won't even get into the children thing, that is a talk for a whole other day. I just have a hard time believing that formula is for everyone. Why is not getting married considered to be such a horrible thing?
Maybe I'm wrong and there's something fractured and broken in my head, heart or whatever strange neurons that makes people fall in love. Love to me always seems far more fluid than people ever seem to acknowledge. It has many different flavors. It's not just patient and true and strong. It can be toxic as people devote themselves to others than drain them to bones and then try to keep taking. It can be kinky with whips and chains. It can be there forever or it can be gone within a week as something happens that shakes your heart to the core. It can be so complex I can't even think of a single word that can sum up the relationship, so caught up is it in history and a myriad feelings. All of these things are love, each of them the same emotion. So why the need to force all of these feelings so varied that I hardly feel right even calling them the same thing into one act that is supposed to be the culmination of every single relationship that is supposed to be worth anything?
I thought love was enough. Isn't that what the fairy tale cliches teach us? Why do I need an oath to prove it to society? In fact why do I even need to prove my emotional relationships, something only between me and whoever I have deigned to get involved with, to society at all?
I am loyal, despite what some may think. I love whoever I happen to be with. To me this is enough. Why do I need to swear lifelong fealty to someone if I am already loyal of my own accord? Who is to say where life will lead us both? We will change. It is part of life, the continual change and break down and then reformation. Who is to say that if I change I will necessarily change in the same direction as him/her? So if we both change and I do not change in the same way she/he does, does that mean now the government needs to come in and monitor our break-up? It's like I have to ask permission to go about my own life from that point on, like somehow society has stuck its nose in what was previously a private affair between two individuals.
It's not about being afraid either. I have no fear of commitment, though it is not something I go into easily or often. I just see how deeply people get cut by putting everything out there and take reasonable precautions. Only fools would not take some sort of precaution. (The quip "Love is for Children" echoes through my head. Though of course I would be lying if I said that was wholly true for me despite whatever my bitter and cynical mind may say). But I am not afraid from it when someone worthy comes up and offers it to me. I don't run, at least not once the psychotic episodes that surface up in me from time to time subside a bit. I accept it readily. I just think my word and my actions should be enough.
I dig that maybe it works for other people. Power to you. I hope whatever offspring and new life you have crafted for yourself serves you well. It truly is a glorious thing for some people and is totally worth it in some cases. And I may damn well choose to take up the mantle one day. I just don't think it should be a standard that people feel forced into. Maybe I may never choose to get married and just stay dating people (even the same person) for an eternity. That doesn't make my choice less valid.
Who knows? Maybe I'm just justifying my way of thinking in some sort of confirmation bias. Maybe whatever ticking time bomb my mind is just forces me away from convention just to be contrary. (Curse you, Loki! *shakes fist*) But it still pisses me off when my friends have been dating for ten years and all people could think after their wedding was "It's about time". It still pisses me off when they try to force me to get married, as if my relationship is invalid otherwise.
Other people were talking about getting married while we were there, as well as my friends that are already married. It happens. But then people start turning to me and asking me when I am going to get married. And all I can do is laugh and say "Well maybe never." This combined with family already eying me up like I should be married by now. I can't tell the family maybe never. That portion is very religious, Orthodox Jewish to be precise, and I doubt they would understand my views on love. Many people seem not to understand.
See I don't see love as being nearly so simplistic. I don't think my life has to follow the formula of "Fall in love. Get married. Have children." I won't even get into the children thing, that is a talk for a whole other day. I just have a hard time believing that formula is for everyone. Why is not getting married considered to be such a horrible thing?
Maybe I'm wrong and there's something fractured and broken in my head, heart or whatever strange neurons that makes people fall in love. Love to me always seems far more fluid than people ever seem to acknowledge. It has many different flavors. It's not just patient and true and strong. It can be toxic as people devote themselves to others than drain them to bones and then try to keep taking. It can be kinky with whips and chains. It can be there forever or it can be gone within a week as something happens that shakes your heart to the core. It can be so complex I can't even think of a single word that can sum up the relationship, so caught up is it in history and a myriad feelings. All of these things are love, each of them the same emotion. So why the need to force all of these feelings so varied that I hardly feel right even calling them the same thing into one act that is supposed to be the culmination of every single relationship that is supposed to be worth anything?
I thought love was enough. Isn't that what the fairy tale cliches teach us? Why do I need an oath to prove it to society? In fact why do I even need to prove my emotional relationships, something only between me and whoever I have deigned to get involved with, to society at all?
I am loyal, despite what some may think. I love whoever I happen to be with. To me this is enough. Why do I need to swear lifelong fealty to someone if I am already loyal of my own accord? Who is to say where life will lead us both? We will change. It is part of life, the continual change and break down and then reformation. Who is to say that if I change I will necessarily change in the same direction as him/her? So if we both change and I do not change in the same way she/he does, does that mean now the government needs to come in and monitor our break-up? It's like I have to ask permission to go about my own life from that point on, like somehow society has stuck its nose in what was previously a private affair between two individuals.
It's not about being afraid either. I have no fear of commitment, though it is not something I go into easily or often. I just see how deeply people get cut by putting everything out there and take reasonable precautions. Only fools would not take some sort of precaution. (The quip "Love is for Children" echoes through my head. Though of course I would be lying if I said that was wholly true for me despite whatever my bitter and cynical mind may say). But I am not afraid from it when someone worthy comes up and offers it to me. I don't run, at least not once the psychotic episodes that surface up in me from time to time subside a bit. I accept it readily. I just think my word and my actions should be enough.
I dig that maybe it works for other people. Power to you. I hope whatever offspring and new life you have crafted for yourself serves you well. It truly is a glorious thing for some people and is totally worth it in some cases. And I may damn well choose to take up the mantle one day. I just don't think it should be a standard that people feel forced into. Maybe I may never choose to get married and just stay dating people (even the same person) for an eternity. That doesn't make my choice less valid.
Who knows? Maybe I'm just justifying my way of thinking in some sort of confirmation bias. Maybe whatever ticking time bomb my mind is just forces me away from convention just to be contrary. (Curse you, Loki! *shakes fist*) But it still pisses me off when my friends have been dating for ten years and all people could think after their wedding was "It's about time". It still pisses me off when they try to force me to get married, as if my relationship is invalid otherwise.